When I Saw You Under the Rain
by Mercy2908
Summary: In a foul night, rain pours mercilessly and thunder booms above. A man tries to find shelter when suddenly, he sees a mysterious woman, soaked to the bone, stand on a bridge, and he just can't ignore her presence.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: It is raining where I live, so I thought I would re-post this old story of mine. It is one of the darkest tales I've written, but it is some kind of quest as you go along every chapter. I like mystery stories, and this one has a big mystery, and a mystery within another mystery. I hope you enjoy the story's shadows and lights. **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It was a foul day. It had begun pouring just a couple of hours ago and the torrential rain fell like a thick layer that made it almost impossible to see. It was a very dark night; only a few gas lamps were still lit, casting a dim light in the city streets. Kid hurried his way through the darkened streets, cursing himself for the nuisance of being in the middle of the city, especially in this lousy weather. He couldn't have chosen a worse day. He wished he could now be relaxing at home, at his ranch, comfortably snug in his lounge. But no, he was roaming the streets of Meringdon in this awful weather. Hated as he did coming to the city, he only came when it was absolutely essential. Today he had to sort out some red tape with the bank and have a very long and boring dinner with a seemingly possible buyer. However, it turned out that the man had just wasted Kid's precious time. He didn't have any obvious interest in buying his horses; he was just a charlatan and he had dragged Kid to a restaurant in a part of the city he hardly knew.

Thunder resounded over him as he tried to find his way to the rooms he had in the city for when he needed to spend a few nights there. Despite owning a horse ranch in the area for a few years now, Kid still had difficulty in finding his bearings in this big city, especially on a night where he could hardly see a thing. He stopped for a minute, trying to grasp where he was. He cursed himself for having the brilliant idea of leaving his horse in the stables. When he had left that afternoon, the sun had been shining and he couldn't have foreseen that the evening would turn out to be so miserable. He had thought that walking to the restaurant would do him good; it had been such a lovely afternoon but now he was cursing his luck. Lightning flashed in the sky, lighting up the dark streets. From his position Kid could see the stone bridge ahead of him. Recognizing the place he felt relieved and grateful that his night wander was almost over. His lodgings were not far now.

Kid made his way across the bridge on the left-hand side. The bridge was the pride of the citizens in Meringdon. It was like an emblem of the city. It was not the typical wooden bridge which was common to find in most west towns. No, this was a robust stone bridge. On each side of it there was a sidewalk at the level of the road for the many passers-by who crossed the bridge over the river every day. It was usually very busy, being in the middle of the city, always full of carriages, men on horses and people going on their way to the city. Only now at this time of the night and in this weather the bridge was almost deserted, except for the occasional carriages crossing it.

As Kid was making his way over the bridge, he cast a glance down at the river; its rough and deep waters roared below. He hurried as he heard thunder booming above him again. In that moment a wagon passed by him at full speed, splashing water and mud all over Kid. He began shouting curses after the careless driver, but the wagon had already disappeared from sight.

"Damn!" he grunted and stopped a moment to take a handkerchief out of his raincoat pocket. He tried to wipe some of the mud which had stained his face after being drowned completely. He was having such a nasty day. He was already cold, wet and tired. Again there was a bolt of lightning, lighting the whole bridge and then something caught his eye. On the other side of the bridge there was a woman. Kid could only see her back as she kept looking at the river below. He wondered how he hadn't seen her before, but considering it was a really black night, it wasn't much of a surprise. Kid's attention got caught at once as he wondered what she was doing on the middle of the bridge on a night like that. She sure wasn't a tramp or anything similar. She was wearing quite a smart dress and her hair seemed very neat despite the rain falling all over her.

Without thinking twice, Kid crossed over to the other side of the bridge and approached the woman. He still couldn't see her face, but he gathered that she must be around his age. She was soaked to the skin as if she had been on the spot for a while. Kid didn't know why he felt the impulse to approach the lady, but it seemed as if she might need some help. The woman hadn't noticed his presence yet and Kid talked to her tentatively, not wanting to scare her.

"Ma'am, are you all right?" Kid first thought that the woman hadn't heard him as she kept motionless. However, after a few seconds she turned her face towards him and, as another bolt of lightning struck, he could see her face clearly. He almost jumped as his eyes met her. "What!" He could hardly find his own voice. He couldn't be more surprised than right now and she had an expression of utter bewilderment as if she was looking at a ghost. Finally, he managed to get a grip of himself and said, "Lou?"

He really couldn't believe it was her, Louise McCloud, the woman he had loved most in his life. He had often had this silly dream of running into her somewhere, but never in his life had he thought that he would find her under these circumstances.

Lou was still in shock, unable to believe what her eyes were seeing. Kid was before her. Was she dreaming? She squinted her eyes as if she wasn't seeing all right, but her eyes didn't trick her. It was him, and he had called her name. "Kid?" she asked uncertain and saw him nod. "Kid," she repeated and couldn't help but smile broadly at seeing the man she hadn't seen in eight years.

He smiled back and they both joined in a hug. It had been so long. Kid kept staring at her, still unable to believe that it was her. She was still as beautiful as he remembered, even more so as he noticed her long hair and her obvious feminine traces that she had hidden when riding for the Express. She really was a sight despite being soaked to the skin. "Are you all right, Lou?" Kid asked, realizing that they were still under the rain.

Lou lowered her eyes, not daring to meet his. She noticed for the first time that she was wet to the bone, and it was pouring with rain. "I'm fine," she said with a feeble voice. Suddenly, she felt cold and shivered, and Kid hurried to take off his raincoat and put it on her. She wanted to protest but she didn't have the energy to do so and just voiced a soft 'thank you'.

"What are you doing in the middle of the bridge on a night like this?" Kid asked tentatively. He feared what she might tell him. Was she in some kind of trouble? Nobody in their right mind would be lazing around in this lousy weather.

"Uh …" Lou began clumsily. "I just got caught in the rain." She really didn't find anything else to say; there was no other excuse she could tell him.

Kid didn't press her any further. He knew that she wasn't being completely sincere. He was sure that there might be a reason for her being under the rain, but after finding her after so many years he didn't want to act as an inquiring pest. He just said, "I have some lodgings not far from here. Why don't you come with me? We can talk and get dry."

Kid looked at her expectantly. He still couldn't believe that he was talking to Lou; it really seemed incredible. In a way he feared that any moment he would wake up, and she would disappear before his eyes. Louise stared at him with big eyes and kept quiet for a few seconds, but finally she managed to say, "All right."

* * *

It was warm and cozy inside. There was a fire going on in the fireplace, lighting the whole room with its flickering flames. The storm was still raging outside. Kid had changed from his wet clothes to some dry ones. He was still unsure of how he was feeling about tonight's events. In the next room was Lou. Kid couldn't believe it. He had dreamt so much about finding her. It had been so long since they had last seen each other, but for Kid she had been the most important woman in his life.

Their courtship hadn't been easy at all back then, but Kid had felt so alive with her. Unfortunately, he had lost her on the way when he had decided to go and fight in the war. To tell her goodbye had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He knew that Lou didn't approve of his decision, but she never said anything. Not once did she ask him to stay with her. She understood that he had to do it; he had to go back to Virginia. Kid didn't know what he'd have done if she had begged him to stay. Maybe he'd have stayed and right now after going through that damned war he wished she would have said something. But she didn't. The day they parted, they whispered promises to each other. Kid swore that he'd come for her as soon as the war was over. He had explained to her again that he was leaving her because of the war; that it was something stronger than his own wishes, but nothing would stop him from being with her when the war was over.

Kid never thought that it would be the last time he would see her. He had hoped that the war wouldn't last long, but he had been wrong. It had been four long years in which he hadn't seen anything but death. There had been nothing to be proud of in the war and Kid soon understood that he had made a terrible mistake; the war was a total mistake no matter the reasons. The first months he enlisted Kid had received loving letters from Lou. He longed for her so much and told her in his letters how much he missed and loved her; that he wanted to marry her as soon as they reunited. But one day her letters stopped. He kept writing to her; nothing could make him stop. He didn't know if she ever got his letters as he knew that the mail service wasn't reliable at all, especially in the south. Besides, he had changed regiments several times and maybe her letters just couldn't reach him. His only hope was that she somehow got his letters.

Someone clearing their throat made him wake from his reverie. Kid lifted his gaze and found Louise smiling at him. She had changed out of her wet dress and had donned the shirt and trousers that Kid had found among his own clothes. Kid kept looking at her, mesmerized at the image before his eyes. His own clothes were just too big for her, but he still thought that she was just beautiful. He rose to his feet from his seating position on the settee and taking the wet dress from her hand he left it to dry next to his own wet clothes by the fire.

Louise stood in the middle of the room, feeling very self-conscious all of the sudden. She hadn't expected to finish the day in a man's room and much less Kid to be that man. He came to her and handed her a steaming cup of coffee. "This will warm you up," Kid said and steered her to the settee. They sat down and stayed in silence for a few minutes. Kid had dreamt about the moment he could be with Lou like now so much, but at the moment he felt speechless and didn't seem to find the words to talk to her. He wanted to say so many things to her but he didn't know how to begin. Finally he just said, "Are you going to tell me what you were doing in the middle of the storm?"

Lou looked at him with a serious face and Kid realized that she wasn't comfortable talking or being asked about that. She fidgeted in her chair and muttered, "Nothing really. I just lost track of time. It was just plain stupid."

Kid knew that she wasn't telling the truth. Despite the years apart he could still see through her. There was something troubling her; he could tell as much, but this was not the best time to press her. He knew that by doing so he would just scare her away. So he decided to drop the matter and asked, "How have you been, Lou?"

Louise looked at him and just said, "Not too bad."

"Do you live in Meringdon?" Kid asked again.

Lou nodded and added, "We moved here over a year ago."

"We?" Kid asked, wondering if there was somebody in her life. A few years ago he had run into Jimmy and had learned from him that Louise was living in St Joseph. To his chagrin he also told Kid that Lou was seeing somebody. Kid ended up having Lou's address on a piece of paper, but he just couldn't bring himself to go and see her. He just felt he couldn't face her if she was with somebody else. Even though he hadn't seen her for years, the thought hurt him terribly. The paper was in his pocket for months; he had almost worn out the little piece of paper as he read the address dozens of times even though he knew it by heart. When finally he had made the decision to end the agony and go and see her, she wasn't there any more.

"Me and Rachel," Lou said. "Well, she met somebody and got married last year. Andrew is a decent man and quite well-off. Has several businesses in the city. Actually, I work in a dress shop he owns."

"Really?" Kid exclaimed with an amused expression.

Lou nodded with a smile and said, "Who would have thought I would end up selling dresses to snooty ladies?"

She laughed, and Kid joined in her mirth. He couldn't really imagine that Lou actually liked that kind of life. She had always been so independent and so free-spirited that Kid found it hard to believe that she was happy doing that kind of job. He remembered their long conversations, and Lou had always talked about living out in the country where she could breathe the fresh air and feel completely free. They had even talked half-seriously about the possibility of owning a ranch. Neither had been bold enough to mention marriage; they just talked about partnership even though they both knew that the meaning underneath was clear. Kid was now the owner of his ranch and unfortunately, she wasn't part of it, not even as a partner.

"So you never married?" Kid blurted out the question he had wanted to ask her, dreading what her answer would be.

Lou averted her gaze from him and shook her head no. "Nothing really worked," that was all she said.

It was the truth. Men had wanted to court her, and she had even tried with a couple of fellas, but she had never felt to be in love, not the way she had been with Kid. She knew that she had tried to find a substitute for him, but no man was good enough for her. For a time she hadn't known whether Kid was alive or even where he was. Sometimes she had thought that after the war he had decided to stay in Virginia. She just didn't know a thing. The letters stopped even before Rachel and she had to leave Rock Creek. She had written to him, a desperate try, to let him know that they had moved. She never knew if he ever got that letter, and she had even feared that her letter hadn't found him.

As the years had gone by and the war was over, all her tries to find out about Kid were in vain. She wrote dozens of letters to the southern authorities and the union army asking about the whereabouts of Kid, whether he was alive, but the answer was always the same. The information she wanted was reserved for relatives, and she was nothing. She wasn't even his fiancée, never had been. Eventually, Lou had accepted that she had to stop fantasizing about Kid, and after much insistence from Rachel she had let a first man court her. It still didn't feel right. She felt as if she was cheating on him even though she hadn't heard from him in years.

Then during one of Jimmy's visits he had astonishingly said that he had seen Kid, that he was alive. Louise would have leapt in joy at hearing Jimmy, but then her heart fell as her friend told her that he had given Kid her address. That had been a couple of months before and she had never heard or seen him at all. In that moment she had understood that Kid had definitely forgotten her and much to her chagrin from that moment on she had to do the same. She really had tried really hard, and even though she had thought that she might find somebody else, she had never got over him.

"I went to Rock Creek," Kid said after a while.

"What?" Lou muttered, lost at his words.

"I went for you to Rock Creek," he repeated with a serious voice, "as I promised." Lou looked at him and he added, "But you weren't there."

She was getting really uncomfortable with the conversation. She didn't know what to say to him. What was he trying to tell her? She kept her eyes downcast and just said in a feeble voice, "The company sold the station, and we couldn't stay any longer. We have been on the go quite a lot."

It was a painful memory for Lou when they had to leave the station, the place she had called her home. Rachel and she hadn't been able to afford to buy the property even though she had been saving while working in the Express. Anyway, Rock Creek wasn't the best place to live. When Teaspoon had left his job as the town marshal and had accepted to work with Sam, the town had been immersed in violence. It wasn't safe anymore, especially with her siblings under her care. That was why they had decided to move somewhere else. It had been a terrible decision for Lou, knowing that if Kid returned someday, he would go and look for her there. She had just hoped that he could find her anyway. They had left their address with Tompkins and some local acquaintances in case Kid came asking for her. But finally, Lou realized that it had happened as she had always feared, that Kid would never find her, especially since Rachel and she hadn't stayed in one place for long.

Louise remained in silence and felt his eyes boring in her. She noticed that he was very close, almost touching her. She could feel his warmth, and his closeness was making Louise extremely nervous. She knew that her cheeks were flushed and her heart was wildly racing. Like on an impulse she jumped to her feet and looking around the room breezily she tried to change the direction of the conversation. "It's a nice place you have, Kid," she said. She stopped for a moment and then asked, "Have you been living here long?"

"I don't live here," Kid answered. He noticed that she was withdrawing from him and he didn't know the reason. Maybe she had thought that he was reproaching her for moving on, but he couldn't blame her. If it was somebody's fault, it was his for leaving her behind to fight in a senseless war. Being here with her felt really strange. In a way it was as if the years hadn't passed. She had the same effect on him as before, and she seemed to have reversed to her old self when she shied away from him whenever he tried to come closer. However, at the same time, he felt like a stranger with her. "I only use this place when I have to come to the city. Actually, I have a ranch about fifty miles away."

"Really?" Lou exclaimed happily. She knew that it was what he had always wanted. He was so good with horses, and Lou couldn't imagine him doing anything else. He finally got what he really deserved, and Lou felt happy for him.

Kid nodded and said, "Mind you, it's nothing big, but I'm really proud of it." He smiled broadly and added, "You should come one day and see it."

"I'd love that," Lou said sincerely and smiled at him.

Without noticing it the night passed. They had spent hours talking about their lives, about their days in the Pony Express, about their friends and just about anything. The only thing that Kid noticed was that she was reluctant to talk about anything hinting on the love they had felt for each other. She just changed the subject as soon as Kid mentioned the smallest detail.

Louise felt that she hadn't enjoyed herself so much for a long time. It was just so easy to talk to him. She could stay like that for ever, but when she noticed that it wasn't dark outside, she exclaimed, "It's morning!" She couldn't believe it. She hadn't slept a wink, and she wasn't tired or even sleepy. She rose to her feet and looked out of the window. It was a beautiful day. The storm from last night had ceased and today the day greeted them with a blue sky and a bright sun. "I can't believe we've been up all night," she muttered.

"You remember the last time we stayed awake all night long, just the two of us like today?" Kid asked, looking at her intently from his position at the settee.

Lou nodded and without meeting his gaze she just said, "Davenport."

They had stopped at that town after Kid's insistence that they should have some time for themselves, just to be together. She had such fond memories of that occasion. They had dressed in their finest and had had a nice dinner at the local restaurant and had even walked under the stars like any other courting couple. It had felt so special. It was as if they were courting properly, something that they hadn't had much opportunity to taste; her having to dress like a man didn't make the task very easy for either of them. However, that night in Davenport Lou had felt for the first time how it felt to be free with the man she loved. But complications had arisen that night as a band had opened fire unexpectedly, killing the deputy marshal. Kid and Lou had to spend the night keeping watch over the prisoner that those criminals had presumably tried to liberate.

Kid looked at her, standing by the window and said, "I had planned to propose to you that night." He stopped for a beat and then added in a feeble voice, "But I lost my nerve."

"I know," Lou muttered. She had known all along what had been on his mind that night. She could read him so well, but he never spoke and she got really disappointed and angry with herself at the same time. She knew that her previous refusals had made him wary about the subject, and she was aware that he didn't want to push her. It had been all her fault and he had never asked her again.

"What would you have said?" Kid asked seriously, looking at her fixedly.

Lou averted her gaze, not daring to meet his inquisitive eyes and said, "It really doesn't matter now, does it?"

Kid smiled wryly and just muttered, "I guess not."

They stayed in silence for a few minutes and then Louise exclaimed, "I really must go.

Rachel must be frantic with worry. I normally don't stay out overnight. So I'd better hurry home before she sends the whole army after me."

Kid laughed and, as Lou was about to grab her now dry dress, he clasped her hand and whispered, "I've had a wonderful night."

Lou looked up at him and said shyly, "Me too, Kid."

"Now let me take you home."

Lou was about to protest but she knew that Kid wouldn't hear a no for an answer, so she simply nodded.

* * *

Kid pulled over the wagon and after jumping down he came round to help Lou get off. Following Louise's instructions he had driven the buckboard to a small square. He had never been in that part of the city, but he knew that it was where the best-off people lived. The square was just beautiful. It was framed with big houses, and in the middle there was a quiet park full of trees and beautiful gardens. The houses surrounding the park were quite imposing, big stone buildings. The house that Lou had pointed out at him was a stone three story stately home. It really was impressive. Surrounding the building itself there was an wrought iron fence which framed a tidy garden. Louise motioned for Kid to follow her as she opened the front gate.

"Do you live here?" Kid asked really surprised.

Lou laughed, watching his stupefied expression, and added, "I told you that Andrew is quite well-off."

"Quite well-off?" Kid exclaimed. "He must be rolling in money."

Lou let out a peal of laughter as she made her way along the path leading to the house, continuing up the steps to the porch. Kid followed her and, as she unlocked the main door, they both remained in silence.

As soon as Lou stepped in the house, she saw Rachel stomping quickly towards her. She was wearing her dressing gown and her hair was in complete disarray.

"Where the hell have you been?" Rachel barked, visibly infuriated. "Poor Andrew's out there looking for you. We've been sick with worry as you …" She stopped her furious harangue in mid-sentence as she caught sight of the man behind Louise. "Kid?" Rachel muttered flabbergasted.

He nodded silently, and Rachel quickly came to hug him. "Oh boy," was all she could utter.

Kid smiled at watching Rachel's bewildered expression on seeing him appear. "Rachel," he began after a while, "it was my fault, actually. We ran into each other, and as the weather couldn't be worse, we had to take shelter in my lodgings. We kind of lost track of time so don't be hard on her."

He cast a sideways look at Lou and he noticed that she had a wry expression. She was looking at Rachel very seriously as if she were feeling very uneasy. Rachel nodded without saying anything else, and the three of them stood silent. Kid smiled, but both of the women kept serious stances. He began feeling really uncomfortable and their silence felt as his cue to leave. "Uh," he began clumsily, "I'd better be on my way." He tilted his head to Rachel.

"Nice seeing you, Kid," she said sincerely.

Kid then turned to Louise with a smile and added, "See you tomorrow?"

Lou just nodded, without saying a single word. Kid looked at her for a few moments, wondering why her mood had changed so suddenly. She had been, though in a way reserved, quite talkative all night long and they had even shared some laughs. Yet, since she had stepped in her house, Lou hadn't opened her mouth at all and seemed to have a bitter expression.

Kid turned to leave and as he was crossing the porch towards his wagon, he heard Lou call his name. He turned around and saw her at the door. He looked at her quizzically, and then she just blurted out, "I would have said yes." She closed the door without waiting for his answer or to see his expression. As the door clicked shut, she leaned over and cursing herself she grunted, "Why did I have to say something stupid like that?" She shook her head, and as she looked up she saw Rachel. She was still on the same spot, her arms folded, looking straight at her friend. Lou approached her and Rachel arched her eyebrows questioningly.

"He appeared out of the blue, just as if by magic," Louise began, still astonished at last night's events. "I couldn't believe my eyes." She paused and letting out a sigh she continued, "But why now, Rachel? Why precisely now?"

"I don't know, honey," Rachel said softly. "Sometimes life has a way to evolve that is beyond our grasp."

Louise had an annoyed expression as she listened to her friend and added, "If you ask me, life sure has a nasty sense of humor."

Both women relapsed into silence again, and after a few minutes Rachel asked, "Are you going to keep seeing him?"

"No, of course not," Lou said matter-of-factly, no hesitation whatsoever.

Rachel nodded in understanding and asked, "What about tomorrow?"

"I'm just going to see his ranch," Lou said, trying to disregard the whole thing. He had asked her, and she had accepted without thinking anything. "I'm logically curious to see how he's doing. After all, he was very important to me."

Rachel nodded but didn't say anything further. Again they kept silent for a few moments, staring at each other. "I've written the letter to Stanley, that friend of Andrew's," Rachel said with a husky voice, "I'll post the letter today."

Louise nodded and realized that she was feeling very tired all of the sudden. She lowered her eyes and kept looking at the floor. "I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you and Andrew are doing for me," Lou muttered, "It's really a lot of money and I…"

Louise tried to continue but taking hold of her hands Rachel didn't let her friend finish. "Don't even think about that, Louise McCloud!" Rachel exclaimed, sounding harsher than she had intended. Lou looked up at her surprised, and Rachel voiced a soft 'sorry' realizing she had been just too rough.

"It's all right, Rachel," Lou said, letting out an audible sigh. "I'm also furious myself." Rachel smiled wryly and Lou added, "I think I'll go to bed. Please tell Andrew I'm sorry about last night."

Rachel nodded smilingly as Louise climbed the stairs towards the bedroom. The older woman sank down on a chair, feeling now free of the tension of that morning. She had been frantic with worry when she had noticed that Lou hadn't slept in her bed. Louise had never done that before. She didn't really have friends in the city, and Rachel had wondered where she had been. Fortunately, her worries had been put to rest when she had seen her appear, but what Rachel hadn't expected was the sudden appearance of Kid. She knew that Lou had never forgotten him completely. Despite the years Louise sometimes talked about him and she just had that look that couldn't be mistaken. Rachel had always suspected that her friend had the hope of finding him and having him in her life again someday. And now he had shown up, but not in the best moment. Rachel just hoped that things wouldn't get more complicated than they already were, just for Lou's sake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sunday morning Louise drove her buckboard towards the ranch Kid owned. He had insisted that he would come and drive her there, but she had refused flatly. She could easily go there on her own. She knew where the place was, and it was just a short distance. Kid seemed to have forgotten that she had been a rider for the Pony Express and had spent long days on the trail.

Thinking about those days it seemed like another life. It had been so long ago, and sometimes she really missed those days where she had really felt alive. She wished she could go back to that kind of life. Back then she had felt so free and happy. After the Pony Express had finally shut down, everything had changed so drastically. The people she had come to consider her family had gone in different directions, even Kid had left. Only Rachel had stayed with her. The two of them had always stuck together. During the years they had seen the others occasionally. From time to time they received a visit, especially from Teaspoon and Jimmy. They always dropped by whenever they were around, but they had never been all together like in the good old days. Her family had disappeared since the moment they had to say good bye to that kind of life.

The ranch finally came to full view. She smiled broadly as she drove the wagon inside the property. Lou was really impressed with what she could catch sight of as she steered her wagon along the path driving to the house. Kid was really doing great, much better than what he had told her. As she reached the end of her drive, she realized that Kid was waiting for her there. He was looking at her with a big smile plastered on his face.

He approached the wagon, and stretched out his arm to help her get down. Lou took his hand and jumped off to the ground. Looking up at him she realized that he was staring her directly in the eyes, still holding her hand in his. She felt his eyes upon her and blushed hotly. He had always had that effect on her, and it had been so long since she had felt like this. She looked down shyly and awkwardly removed her hand from his grasp. She still could feel his eyes on her, and Louise tried to focus her attention on something else.

"It's a fine place you have here, Kid," she said.

"Thank you," Kid said with a smile. Since he had found her, he had not stopped smiling. He still couldn't believe that he was actually talking to Lou. He had thought that he had lost her forever just for his own foolishness, but now here she was, and he was more than ready to mend his past mistakes if she let him. He looked at her and added, "I'll take you to your room so you can wash and rest some."

"My room?" Lou asked apprehensively, not getting what he was talking about.

Kid laughed, watching the confused expression on her. "Of course," he said. "I need to show you so much. You'll stay here tonight, and then you can get back tomorrow."

"But Kid, I …" she tried to protest but Kid wouldn't let her.

"Come on, Lou," he cut her off, "I won't hear no for an answer. We have a lot to catch up on."

Lou decided not to say anything. That was not what she had planned. She had just intended to pay him a brief visit as she knew that she couldn't, shouldn't, get too close to him. She would grow attached to him, and that was the last thing she wanted. In a way, she regretted having agreed to see him today. She had let herself get carried away without thinking and had accepted because that was what she really wanted, but she had to begin thinking clearly.

Louise followed Kid inside the house, and she was pleasantly surprised to see what a lovely place he had. The house had fine furniture, and everything just looked so tidy and clean. She was really glad that he had a good life. He deserved it. Many times she had wondered where he was and whether he was doing fine. Ironically, Kid had been living not far from her, but it wasn't till now that they had run into each other.

They climbed the stairs, and Kid showed her to one of the rooms off the long corridor on the second floor. She looked around the bedroom. It was a spacious room, getting plenty of light from its two bay windows. She had always liked fresh and sunny rooms. In the middle of the bedroom there was a wide bed with a beautiful quilt on top and just on the bedside table Lou realized that there was a vase with daisies, her favorites. It really was a beautiful bedroom, especially laid out for a woman.

Kid crossed over to where the dressing table was. He poured water in the washbowl and turned to Lou, "Here's some hot water," he said, "and if you need anything, just let me know." Then he opened a drawer and taking some clothes out he added, "Later we can go for a ride, so I guess you'd rather change into these." He handed Lou the garments he was holding: a pair of breeches and a shirt. "They're your size," he muttered shyly, turning a shade of red.

Louise looked at him with a puzzled expression. He was acting as when they had been together years ago. Sometimes they really felt awkward in each other's company, and she could tell that Kid was behaving in the same way. She was beginning to scare. He had gone to all this trouble for her sake and had obviously arranged everything in the bedroom for her: the spacious bed, the beautiful bedding, the curtains, the flowers. He had made everything look perfect for her. She was no fool, and she could see the signs in Kid clearly. _"Just relax; don't be silly,"_ she told herself silently. She turned to Kid and whispered, "Thank you, Kid."

Half an hour later they were on their way to the stables. Lou had donned the trousers and shirt that Kid had given her. He kept looking at her, unable to avert his eyes from the woman by his side. She looked absolutely beautiful no matter what she had on. Seeing her in this attire Kid couldn't help but think of when they had first met. To everybody's eyes she was just another boy; nothing much to look at. Kid had been gloriously lucky to find out the truth behind her façade, even though by accident. From that moment on he hadn't been able to see her in the same light. He began feeling such a strong attraction to her. Even when she was dusty and wearing grubby clothes after a ride, Kid still thought she was beautiful. But it wasn't something just physical; it was more than that. She was beautiful in all senses. Now that she was in trousers, Kid seemed to be reliving old times, but now nobody could deny she was a woman. She wasn't a scrawny young girl who could be mistaken for a boy. No, she was a complete woman.

They entered the stables and Lou smiled broadly as she spotted a very familiar horse straightaway. She cast a glance at him and exclaimed, "Oh Kid!" She approached the horse and began caressing its muzzle affectionately. "Hey, Katy girl," Lou talked in soft tones. "How have you been? Do you remember me?" The horse let out a snort and began licking her hand. Lou giggled as she felt a tickle on her hand.

Kid stayed behind, pleasantly watching Lou's sweet gesture with the mare. "I doubt she remembers you, Lou," he said with an amused countenance.

She turned her head to him with a hurt expression on her face and asked, "Why not?"

Kid chuckled and added, "That's not Katy." He crossed over to the other side of the building, and Katy's head popped out of the stall. "This is Katy." He began brushing her under her neck, and the mare let out a contented whinny. "You do remember Lou, don't you, girl? We've missed her a lot, haven't we?"

Lou laughed heartily. Kid hadn't changed a bit. She just couldn't imagine him without Katy. They were just inseparable, and sometimes she had foolishly felt jealous of the special bond they had. All the boys had teased Kid mercilessly, and he had suffered the bantering stoically. Many a time when Lou had spotted the unmistakable image of Kid and Katy in the distance coming from a ride, her face automatically lit up. That meant that the ride was over, and he got home safe. Lou never admitted it to him, but she got as worried as he did whenever he was on a ride. She was just better at hiding it.

Lou tried to get closer to Katy's stall, but she felt a tug at her shoulder. She turned her head and realized that the horse that had first caught her attention had nipped her by the shirt. Kid laughed and approached the pair of them. "Seems Letty has taken a liking to you, and won't let you go," Kid said amusedly. "Whoa, girl, Lou ain't going anywhere." Kid patted the mare on the neck and she let go of Lou's shirt.

"Letty?" Lou asked.

"Uh huh, she's Katy's girl," Kid said. "I thought you could ride her today. But seems she has already chosen you."

Lou smiled broadly and exclaimed, "Oh Kid, she's beautiful."

Kid nodded proudly and leaning over he whispered in her ear, "But not as beautiful as you."

Lou smiled wryly. She felt him by her side, dangerously close. Her breathing raced, and his closeness was beginning to affect her again. She took a few steps away from him, and when she looked up at him, she saw the confused expression in his eyes. He wasn't a fool, and he had noticed her backing off.

Kid couldn't help but feel perplexed at Lou's attitude. He had noticed it several times since he had met her the other night. Every time he had tried to come closer to her, she had recoiled. First, he had thought that he was just imagining things, but now he was sure. Lou kept shying away, and he really didn't understand why she would behave like that. It wasn't as if he had tried anything. It was as if his proximity somehow scared her, but in a way Kid knew that it was something more than that. It wasn't as when they had first begun years ago. It hadn't been easy back then as she had been shy and cautious towards him. However, now there was something else that he couldn't put his finger on. He tried not to show his surprise, but he knew that he wasn't very good at hiding his feelings.

Kid opened the stall and let the mare out. As he began saddling the horse for Lou, he asked, "How's Lightning?"

Louise focused her attention on the floor and just muttered, "He's dead, Kid."

Kid stopped what he was doing and looked at her over the horse. "Oh, Lou, I'm so sorry."

Louise did not say anything. There was nothing to say, and she did not feel comfortable talking about it. It seemed as if she was losing everything that had mattered to her. Practically nothing was left from her days with the Pony Express. It had begun the day the company had shut down. She had lost the man she loved, her friends, her family, practically everything. Someday she would not have anything from those days, not even her memories.

* * *

She could feel the wind against her face. Louise had a big smile as she rode the mare across the prairie at top speed. She was feeling so elated and free at the same time. It had been so long since she had ridden like this. She did not even remember when or why she stopped riding. She just didn't do it any more, and she loved it more than anything. She cast a look at Kid who was riding alongside her. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back.

She felt on top of the world as if all of a sudden her problems had disappeared. There was nothing to think about but to ride as hard and fast as she could. It felt as if she was eight years younger, and Kid and she were just enjoying one of their usual rides as they normally did. She wished that time could freeze at this instant. She could be like this for ever; she just didn't want it to finish.

After riding fast for almost an hour, Kid gestured her to stop and Lou pulled over unwillingly. Louise jumped off the horse quickly, and took in the beauty of the landscape before her eyes. The prairie laid lush green ahead of them, and the sky was a spotless blue. Not a single cloud disturbed its blueness.

Kid came to her side and she exclaimed breathlessly, "Oh Kid, it's been so long since I last rode like that! It just feels so good."

He smiled and added, "I'm really glad. But you could have fooled me. You're still the best rider I have ever met."

Louise blushed at his compliment and looking at Kid's painted mare, she said, "Katy's still hard to beat."

Kid grinned ruefully. "She's getting old. I let her be most of the time. She deserves her rest after all these years. I just take her on special occasions." He winked at her and Lou smiled shyly.

Kid crossed over to where Katy was and began taking out several things from his saddle bags. "I thought we could have a picnic here. It's a lovely place."

Lou looked at him with a bemused expression. He had really planned everything to the detail. "Yeah, it's beautiful, Kid," she said while he lay down the tablecloth, which he had taken from his bags, on the ground. She was surprised at how many things he had been able to shove in the saddle bags as he placed everything neatly. Then he extended his hand to her and helped her to sit next to him.

Louise was enjoying herself so much. She hadn't laughed like this in such a long time. To be with Kid was just so natural and fresh. She didn't have to pretend or act as she could behave as freely as she felt. She knew that she didn't fit in as what people would call 'a proper lady'. She had always been too wild for that and had shocked more than one so-called proper person when she had spoken her mind on several occasions. Now that Rachel was married to somebody as important as Andrew Basset, Louise had found herself attending formal dinners in the place she now called home. She never enjoyed any of that and had to bite her tongue more than once in front of those snooty guests for Rachel's sake. Not wanting to embarrass her friend, saying the wrong thing, most of the time Lou had opted for keeping quiet during those soporific dinners. Andrew's friends had begun to think of her as eccentric and aloof, but she really didn't care. Now enjoying Kid's company was a blessing. She had missed having a friend to talk to apart from Rachel. Kid made her feel so at ease. She looked at him and noticed that he was watching her.

Kid blushed at being caught staring at Lou; he just couldn't help it. "I never thought I'd live to see the day Louise McCloud would be a proper lady." He was still surprised at Louise's new life. He had never thought that she would end up leading that kind of life.

"Hey!" she protested, feigning to feel offended. She was far from being a proper lady. "I'm still the same."

Kid chuckled and added, "You really are now a city girl. You never looked so pale."

Riding for the Express Lou had always had tanned skin, a sign that showed that she had to work to earn her living. She had to ride thousands of miles under the sun, the rain, the wind or the snow. Just for that, Kid had loved her even more. She wasn't like most women he had known in his life. She had to fight for herself and worked day after day, and he had admired that strength and spirit in her so much.

Louise smiled blankly and said, "I guess so. We don't get much sun in the city."

They stayed in silence for a few moments and Kid asked, "How are your siblings?"

Lou's face lit up at the mention of her brother and sister. "They're fine," she said, "Jeremiah was never one to settle down. He's always on the move, and from time to time I get a letter from him. Last I heard he was in California. Theresa married a nice man from St Louis. She's expecting her first baby any day now." Lou smiled broadly.

"That's great, Lou," Kid said sincerely.

"Yeah. I miss them though," she muttered, her voice tinged with sadness. They had grown up so quickly and before she could realize they had begun their own lives and left her side. She regretted having been apart from them for so many years, but she couldn't have done otherwise. When she left the orphanage, she had been too naïve and thought that they would all be together in a few months, but it had taken her years to finally fulfill her promise to her siblings. And even then, it hadn't been as how she had imagined it would be.

They hadn't been able to stay in one place for long. There weren't many chances for a couple of single women to make a living. Rachel had always had it easier as she was an excellent cook, and there was always a place for her. However, Lou had found it difficult to find the means to support her and her two siblings. Many a time she had to make use of the savings from when working for the Express. They just couldn't depend on Rachel's generosity, especially because it wouldn't have been enough for the four of them. The money eventually ran out; that money she had planned to buy a house for her and her siblings with. It was gone and they didn't even have a place of their own. So Lou had been forced to accept jobs that she had always refused to do. She had to wash floors, do different menial jobs, and even work as a maid in a rich family's home. But when the job was done, and no possibilities in view, they had to move to another place. No, it hadn't been easy. Since Rachel had got married over a year ago, they had enjoyed some stability, but now Lou's siblings were long gone and she still wasn't having it any easier.

A light breeze blew, and Lou shivered feeling the coldness in her skin. Kid moved closer to her and removing his thick jacket he put it over her shoulders. Lou looked at him, and Kid kept staring at her. They were mere inches apart. Kid gulped nervously and felt strongly attracted to her eyes. Gosh, he could drown in those eyes of hers. He had missed her so much and he was feeling as strongly as he did eight years ago.

"Lou," he heard himself say in a husky voice and began lowering his head towards her.

Louise felt lost in the moment. She knew what his blue eyes could do to her. Her mind was shouting warnings, ordering her to avert her eyes from his but she just couldn't. He was so close that they were almost touching. It was then that she noticed him leaning toward her. _"Oh God, he's gonna kiss me,"_ she thought in a panic.

In a flash she jumped to her feet clumsily, almost stumbling headlong in the process. "I think we should get back," she stuttered nervously, not daring to meet his confused gaze.

Kid rose to his feet slowly after her, still confused at what had just happened. She had recoiled from him again. He had seen the fire in her eyes, the same fire he had seen there so many times. He knew her so well. He couldn't be mistaken, and she had backed off. But why? Was she scared of him? Did she fear that if she came closer to him, he would leave her again? He couldn't really blame her for feeling like that. He just had to prove to her that he had made a mistake leaving her, and he wanted to show her that this time would be different. He had sure learned his lesson.

Kid took his time to compose himself and finally managed to say, "Sure, Lou. Let's go."

* * *

All the way back to the ranch Lou had been cursing herself. Kid had been flirting with her, and he would have kissed her hadn't she acted quickly. Definitely coming here had been a terrible idea. It was obvious that Kid still had feelings for her, and she had to admit that she was still in love with him even after all those years. However, she couldn't let anything happen between them. She only had to avoid getting closer to him again. She needed to keep a cool head for both their sakes.

They were now in the stables and Lou led the lovely mare into the stall. She shut the stall door and ruffling the mare's mane affectionately she said, "It's been a pleasure to meet you, girl."

Kid approached her. "What are you doing?"

"Just saying good-bye to Letty," Lou said, without averting her eyes from the horse. She needed to focus on something else rather than Kid. His presence made her very self-conscious and nervous. She knew she was acting like a fool, but she couldn't get a grip on herself.

"You don't have to," Kid said.

She quickly turned to him with a puzzled expression and asked, "What do you mean?"

"She's yours from now on."

Lou shook her head vigorously. "No, Kid, I can't accept."

"Why not?" Kid asked and taking her hand in his he added, "Please, Lou, nobody could be better for her."

"But, Kid, she's too good to be in the city or hitched to a wagon. She was born to run wild like today."

Kid looked at her seriously and after a while he said, "All right, she stays here and you can come any time to visit and ride her, right? But she's all yours." He just hoped that one day Letty's home could be Lou's home. He just didn't understand why she was acting so cold towards him. He didn't want to scare her away, but he really wanted to continue things where they had left off.

Lou wanted to protest. She couldn't accept his present. It was too much, and there was no point, but she knew that Kid was adamant. He just wouldn't accept her negative. So she just nodded and said, "Thank you, Kid."

* * *

Louise was finishing doing her hair in a neat braid when there was a knock on the door. After her ride with Kid, she had a relaxing bath and had time to rest some. She placed the brush on the dressing table and got up to open the door. She came face to face with a smiling Kid, and she smiled back.

"Ready?" Kid asked her.

Lou nodded and followed him along the corridor and down the stairs. "I've invited some friends of mine to have dinner with us. I'm sure you'll like them," Kid said. "And you'll meet Ruth," he added with a happy smile.

At the mention of a woman Lou turned two surprised eyes towards him, but he seemed oblivious of her reaction. _"Ruth?"_ Lou's mind was reeling. She had never given any thought to the fact that there was a woman in Kid's life. For all she knew he might even be married. She had never aske,d and he had never brought up the subject. And worst of all, he had been flirting with her shamelessly. That was not the way the Kid she remembered and knew behaved. He was too downright.

Lou was aware that he had always attracted women's attention, but she had always known that she could trust him when they had been together. However, maybe he had changed or he was having problems with his girl. Lou didn't want to be in the middle of anything nasty, especially when she hadn't known anything about it. Luckily, nothing had happened when they had been picnicking, but now she was about to meet that woman, and she began feeling pretty uneasy. Not only because of Kid's behavior towards her but because the girl must sure know about their past together. It could be very awkward, and Lou wished she wasn't there at all.

Kid led her to a spacious lounge, and Lou saw a couple of men talking amicably. One of them looked quite elegant and refined; a man in his early forties. He somehow reminded Lou of Sam Cain but this man obviously lacked that bit of roughness that the former marshal had. Next to him was another man. This one was much older and there was no doubt that he was a man used to working hard in the fields or with animals. On seeing Kid and Lou step in the lounge the two men stopped their conversation and turned two smiling faces to the newcomers.

Kid and Lou approached them and he said, "Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Miss Louise McCloud." Then Kid turned to her and added, "Lou, this here is Henry Price." He was referring to the younger man. "He sees to all my financial affairs at the ranch. And," he turned to the other man, "this is Tim Roberts, my foreman."

The men tipped their heads at Lou, and she said, "Pleased to meet you both." She smiled timidly, still feeling uncomfortable. She cast a sideways glance at Kid and noticed that he was looking at the other end of the room with an ample smile.

"And here comes the lady of the house," Kid said.

"I thought you had forgotten me." Lou heard a woman's voice behind her say.

"_Oh gosh,"_ Lou thought. She felt like such an idiot for finding herself in this situation. She had assumed that Kid was a free man. That was what she had deduced from his acts, and he had never said a word about a woman. _'He should have told me,'_ Lou thought irritated. She wouldn't have accepted his invitation in the first place, but now there was no turning back and the confrontation with the girl would be too embarrassing for her.

Louise turned round slowly and to her utter surprise she came face to face with a smiling middle-aged woman. "This is Ruth," Kid said, "Ruth Roberts, Tim's wife. She takes real good care of me and of the house. I don't know what I'd do without her."

Lou smiled and felt like a fool for her own thoughts just a moment before. She was right to have been sure that Kid was too straightforward to make passes at her while being with somebody else. She didn't know why but she had felt irritated and upset when thinking that there was a woman in his life, and now she felt relieved and almost elated. "It's a real pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Roberts," Lou said.

"Please call me Ruth," the woman said softly and turning to Kid she exclaimed, "why, boy, you never told me she was so pretty."

Louise turned crimson and noticed that Kid was also feeling embarrassed. She thought that she liked Ruth. She seemed a good natured woman and had a kind face. She was glad that Kid was surrounded by people who seemed to care about him. Lou had always wondered during all these years how Kid would be doing. That was why she hadn't hesitated in accepting his invitation to the ranch. She had been really curious and now that her curiosity was satisfied, she really felt happy for him. In that instant a young boy entered and called Kid's attention. He excused himself, and accompanied the boy out of the room. Louise stayed in the lounge with Ruth and the other two men.

"Louise, we've heard so much about you," Henry said.

"Have you?" Lou asked surprised.

Tim chuckled and added, "Kid never stops talking about you. It was high time we met you finally."

Lou smiled wryly, feeling a bit uneasy with the conversation. Ruth took hold of her hand and patting it affectionately she said, "Kid needs a woman in his life, and not any woman if you know what I mean." Ruth peered at Lou purposely, and Louise looked at her rather disconcerted. Ruth continued, "I'm so glad that you two found each other again."

Louise began to feel like she was suffocating as she heard the three of them talking about her and Kid. She listened to them in a haze unable to register their words any longer. She felt incapable of uttering a single sound. They kept talking as if they had known everything about her. She was beginning to feel kind of dizzy as panic swept through her.

In that moment Kid came back and plodded towards her. Ruth and the two men stayed apart, talking about something else between themselves. "Sorry, Lou," Kid began, "I just needed to see to …" He didn't have the opportunity to explain himself as Lou cut him off in mid-sentence.

"I have to go."

"Wh… What?" he stuttered.

"I have to go," Lou repeated without hesitation. She only knew that she couldn't stay here any longer. Definitely she shouldn't have come. It had been a terrible idea.

"Why?" Kid managed to ask, dumbfounded.

"I… I have to go," Lou repeated for the third time, not having any arguments to offer. She needed to leave and now. She knew that she was overreacting and panicking, but she couldn't help it. Clumsily she shook Kid's hand and muttered, "I had a very nice day. Thank you, Kid."

Without further explanation she scampered out of the room, leaving him completely bewildered. It took him a few moments to react. He looked at his friends, who seemed as surprised as he was at Lou's sudden flit. Then he hurried after her out of the house. When he was on the porch, he saw that she was already on her wagon.

"Lou, wait!" he called as he ran towards her. He reached her out of breath and just repeated, "Lou, please, wait!" He didn't understand why she wanted to leave all of the sudden. He had thought that they had enjoyed each other's company. In some moments she had been a bit awkward towards him, but he had assumed that she felt still a bit uneasy around him. Maybe he had done something she hadn't liked. He couldn't just let her go like this.

Louise looked at him and smiling softly she just said, "Good-bye, Kid." She urged the horse forward and never turned her head. Kid stayed rooted to the spot and never tried to stop her. He had seen her resolute look, and he knew that look. Nothing he'd do would convince her of anything else. He just wouldn't stop her and he didn't. He sighed audibly as he watched the wagon disappear in the distance. She might have gone today, he thought, but tomorrow will be another day.

* * *

Lou drove her wagon at full speed; her mind reeling with the images of the day's events. But especially one particular image kept popping on her mind: Kid's dejected and hurt countenance on his porch as she was leaving. She had seen the pain in his eyes; the same expression as when she had tried to keep him away from her in the past. He had always wanted to be part of all her life, but Lou had felt crowded and had acted in a defensive way to anybody wanting to break that barrier, especially Kid.

She remembered when her friend Charlotte had turned up in Rock Creek; he had wanted to know why she had been so upset. He just wanted to know because he really cared for her, but she hadn't understood and had tried to push him away. Kid had looked at her with the same eyes as he had today. It was as if he had been punched hard in the face. Back then she had learned her lesson, and that ice wall between Kid and her had eventually melted, but now it was different.

The city came into view, and Louise dashed past the streets at the same speed. Her heart was racing, and she just needed to forget this day from existence. Finally, she reached the square where her now home was. She stopped the wagon and jumped off it in a flash. Lou carelessly tethered the horse to the fence surrounding the property and didn't even care to unhitch the animal. She just couldn't do anything right now. All she wanted was to have the shelter of home. She ran all the way to the house, opened the door and slammed it closed. Feeling the security of finally being at home she leaned her back on the door she had just closed behind her and tried to catch her breath.

On hearing the front door close Rachel came to the foyer and smiled when she saw Louise. Yet, then she noticed that Lou was out of breath, her hair in disarray, and she had an expression of utter horror on her face.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, visibly worried as she approached Lou with quick steps.

Louise advanced towards her friend and away from the door. She shook her head and added in a trembling voice, "Oh, I don't like it, Rachel."

"What don't you like?" Rachel asked again. "Didn't you have a nice time?"

Lou paused a minute as if thinking and said in a soft voice, "It was… wonderful." She hadn't enjoyed herself so much in a long time, but that had nothing to do with what she was feeling now.

"Then what?" Rachel insisted.

"Him." Louise almost cried and sank down on the settee. She looked up at Rachel, and exclaimed, "He was flirting with me, fussing over me … and even his friends knew about it. He is …" She stopped short as if she couldn't continue any further.

"In love with you?" Rachel finished.

Lou closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly. She looked up at Rachel and said, "It can't be. Nothing can happen between us."

Rachel sat down next to her on the settee and muttered, "I guess not."

Louise threw Rachel an annoyed glance and exclaimed, "I guess, Rachel?" She shook her head and muttered almost inaudibly, "It can't be."

Rachel took her hand in hers and said, "I really don't know what to tell you, Lou." She smiled and added, "I just want you to be happy."

Lou stared at her friend and exclaimed, "A bit late for that, don't you think, Rachel?" She rose to her feet and muttering 'Good night' she scampered up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The three people occupying the lounge looked at each other uncomfortably and in silence. Occasionally only the clink of the china cups resounded against the saucers as they sipped their teas silently. Rachel shifted in her seat uneasily and remarked, "I don't really know what is keeping her busy this time."

Kid smiled ruefully. It was the third day in a row that he had come to see Lou after her sudden departure from his ranch, but every day it had been the same. For one reason or another Lou was apparently never home. He had even waited for her for hours as he was doing right now, but she never turned up. There was always some excuse for her absence: she was with some friends; she had stayed working till late or something similar. And just today there wasn't even a reason. Lou wasn't at home and that was it.

Kid needed to see her. He knew her well enough to be aware of why she had fled from his ranch like that. After talking to his friends it didn't surprise Kid that Lou had got scared. He knew what his friends were like, especially Ruth. Surely she must have hinted to Lou about Kid needing a wife, as she was always telling him. He had never kept his feelings about Lou and his regret about losing her a secret. When Kid had told Ruth how he had come across Louise, the older woman couldn't have looked any happier. She was always nagging at him about having a woman in his life. So Kid suspected that the woman had blurted out something of this nature to Lou. Consequently, it didn't surprise him the way Lou had fled like the wind. She must have thought that he wanted to push her. That had been the problem when they had broken up before. He had crowded her with his worries and his insistence on doing things right. He didn't want to make the same mistakes, especially now that he had found her again, and he needed to explain to Lou all that. He just couldn't lose her again.

Kid looked at Rachel and her husband Andrew. They seemed to be uncomfortable with his presence and the situation. Kid had come every day for the last three days. He wasn't a fool, and he understood from their expression that the reasons for Lou's continuous absence were just lame excuses. Kid was really annoyed and didn't understand this attitude of Lou's. He was making a fool of himself by coming here, almost pleading to see her, but she seemed to have turned her back on him.

"I think I'll go now," Kid said curtly as he rose to his feet. Rachel and Andrew got up and came with him to the door.

"Sorry again, Kid. Maybe tomorrow you'll be luckier," Andrew was saying as they walked to the main door. Rachel, however, stayed silent and seemed in a glum mood.

Kid opened the door and before stepping out, he turned to the couple and said seriously, "Tell Lou that she needn't hide from me any more. I won't be bothering her."

They didn't even try to deny his words, and just watched Kid plod towards his horse. Andrew closed the door and stared at his wife, who looked back at him. He knew her well enough to see that she wasn't pleased at all. He was aware that she felt very strongly for the riders who had been under her care in the Pony Express, especially Louise, and she was hurting because of this man. Andrew watched as Rachel silently turned away from him and began climbing the stairs.

She reached the end of the staircase and plodded along the corridor purposely. She stopped before one of the doors lined along the passage and pushed it open, hitting it noisily against the wall.

"Don't ever ask me to lie for you again, ever!" Rachel whizzed angrily, threateningly pointing her finger at the person sitting in the rocker.

Louise almost jumped out of her skin, not expecting this outburst from Rachel. Her friend was fuming, but Lou did not even flinch. On the contrary, Rachel's hot-tempered words made her talk in a cocky way. "Then don't, Rachel."

Lou glared at her, and the older woman sighed and shook her head. "Louise, what are you doing?" she asked in a feeble voice. Lou kept silent, still glaring at her friend. "It's not fair," Rachel muttered.

Those words made Lou's temper flare and she jumped off the rocker in a flash coming face to face with Rachel. "Fair?" Lou almost shouted, "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Face him!" Rachel said, "Tell him the truth."

Lou looked at Rachel with an expression of utter horror as if the older woman was out of her mind. "I can't do that!" Lou exclaimed and shook her head vigorously. "I can't."

"Lou, it's not fair to give him the cold shoulder," Rachel insisted, this time in a more calm way. "You won't be able to hide forever."

Louise shook her head slowly and added, "He will get tired … eventually."

Rachel stared at her incredulously and asked, "Are you talking of the same Kid who not even you turning down his proposals put him off?"

Lou looked at her seriously but did not say a word. She was tired of excusing herself. She knew what she wanted and what she had to do. Her friend didn't understand her; nobody understood her.

Rachel sighed audibly. Sometimes Lou exasperated her. She was so stubborn and often didn't see what was so clear before her eyes. She knew that she wouldn't convince her otherwise, so she opted for changing the conversation. "What about Theresa?" she asked.

"What about her?" Louise said evasively.

Rachel made an impatient gesture and added, "I showed you her wire. Shouldn't we…"

"I don't know!" Lou snapped, cutting Rachel off short. "I'll think about it. I just don't know now."

"But, Lou, …" Rachel tried again but Louise didn't let her.

"Leave me alone, Rachel," she muttered.

"Why do you keep pushing everybody away?" Rachel insisted, her voice rising.

"Will you just stop being a pest and leave me alone!" Lou shouted angrily at the top of her voice. She was tired and couldn't cope with Rachel's requirements any more. She just didn't want to think.

Rachel listened to her unmoved. "Maybe I'll do just that," Rachel muttered coldly, "I'm a fool to care for you." She turned around and left the room in a huff.

"Rachel!" Lou tried to call her but her friend was already out of earshot. She sighed and dropped on her bed heavily She didn't know why she seemed to hurt everybody close to her lately. There was no reason for her to behave in such a nasty way, especially with Rachel. Lou knew that her dear friend just wanted to help her. She owed her so much and she had a funny way to show her appreciation. She was bothered and since Kid had appeared, she felt even more irritated than what she already was. She wanted to think clearly and take things calmly. Her anger wouldn't help her any, but quite the opposite. Things already looked too bleak for her, but she needed to find the courage to see beyond that. That was all she needed.

* * *

It had been five days since Kid had last called. He had never come back after that day. Even though Louise acknowledged that it was what she had wanted, she didn't feel happy. She kept telling herself, _"Less problems_," but she was feeling irritated. She would have thought that he wouldn't give up so easily. Naturally, he wouldn't want to waste his time when she had shown clear signs of not wanting anything from him. But still, it hurt her. The Kid she knew wouldn't have been dissuaded so easily. She would have liked him to beg after her a bit more. She was being selfish for thinking like that, and she hated to have all these conflictive feelings. On the one hand, she didn't want him near, but on the other hand, it hurt her to think that he had disappeared from her life again.

She kept reminding herself that she had to stop thinking about him. They had seen each other on a couple of occasions after so many years, and it was incredible how much it had affected her. She kept repeating that she needed to continue her life as if she hadn't seen him at all. It wouldn't be so hard_. 'That's what he must sure be doing.'_ It wasn't as if they had been involved in a romantic liaison or something had happened. They had just shared some laughs and chats. However, the thought of resigning herself to forget him again pained her more that she was ready to let on.4

Louise took her coat from the hanger next to the door and got ready to leave the shop. She had stayed a bit later than usual as new materials had arrived today, and she had to tidy the shelves. The other girls had gone an hour ago. She really welcomed being left on her own in the peaceful shop after closing time. It gave her the opportunity to arrange her troubled thoughts. In fact, lately the more she thought, the more confused she became. She should stop thinking as it was.

Anyway, she was glad to have some time for herself. She really didn't get on well with the other girls in the shop. They snubbed her and thought less of her, but Louise never made the effort to change that. They just considered her the bosses' pet, but she really didn't care. She didn't like the job especially, but it was much better than the last ones, and she needed to earn her living. She couldn't allow herself to be a burden for Rachel and her husband. Even though aware that now Rachel had enough money to support both of them and even a large family, Lou's pride couldn't allow it. She had argued with Rachel about this endlessly, but finally they had reached an understanding. Lou had accepted to live in their house practically for free, and Andrew had employed her in the dress shop.

With one last look to check that everything was in order Louise left the shop. She closed and locked the door, double-checking that everything was secure. She wouldn't like her carelessness to be the cause of a break-in as it had happened a couple of months ago. It was the first hours of the evening, and the sun hadn't set yet. Louise turned to leave when she saw him. There he was, leaning on a tree, looking at her with a smile. Lou stayed rooted on the spot for a couple of minutes, staring at him and couldn't help but smile. Slowly she approached him, shaking her head.

"What are you doing here, Kid?" Lou asked.

He looked at her straight in the eyes and said, "I came to see you." He chuckled and added, "Do you know how many dress shops there are in this godforsaken city? I was lucky though. This is only the twelfth one on my list." Louise smiled sweetly and Kid continued. "I saw you this morning through the window, but I didn't want to disturb you while you were working. But when I saw the other girls leave and no sign of you, I thought you'd sneaked out on me again."

His words annoyed her even though he was right to say them. She had purposely given him the slip more than once, but she didn't like being reminded of how nastily she had behaved towards him. "Kid, I didn't …" she tried to protest but stopped seeing Kid's purposeful look. She laughed despite herself. "All right." She hung her head in shame and daring a shy look at him, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Kid smiled and said, "Let me invite you to dinner. I know a nice place not far from here."

"I don't know, Kid," Louise tried to protest.

"Oh come on, Lou!" he exclaimed energetically. After all the trouble he had in finding her, she just couldn't walk away from him again.

Seeing his pleading eyes Louise did not have the strength to send him away. Deep inside she knew that she was dying to spend time with him even though her head was telling her to flee. Slowly she nodded her head and muttered, "All right, Kid. Where's that nice place?"

* * *

It was a cozy and small inn where Kid and Louise were enjoying a quiet dinner together. The place was deserted but for a pair of couples at the other tables. Kid looked at Lou over his plate and noticed her troubled countenance. She had the same expression since Kid had found her that thundering night. He knew that there was something the matter with her, but she wouldn't say. He wished she could talk to him but he was sure that she wouldn't tell him, not now anyway.

Realizing Kid's stare on her Lou smiled at him shyly and said, "Rachel will be wondering where I am." She was feeling self-conscious in his presence again. She really didn't know what to talk to him about. She didn't want to talk about the past and much less about the present.

"So you don't stay away unless somebody is waiting in for you?" Kid asked playfully.

Lou narrowed her eyes annoyed but didn't say a thing. Seeing her expression Kid smiled broadly and tried to apologize, "Sorry," he said with a grin and Lou couldn't help but join his mirth. He chuckled and Lou found herself laughing with him.

"You and Rachel always together. Amazing," Kid muttered thoughtfully.

Louise giggled. "We kind of adopted each other long ago," she said, "She acts as a mother-hen to me quite a lot, and I behave like a wild daughter most of the time." She laughed heartily and added, "You should see us when we argue."

Kid laughed and then he said in a serious tone, "Lou, I wanted to apologize for what happened at my ranch."

"There's no need. You didn't do anything wrong," she muttered gravely. She didn't like the way the conversation was going. Up to this point she had been glad that Kid hadn't touched any delicate matter, but it seemed that she wouldn't be able to avoid the conversation she knew was coming.

"I know how Ruth and the others can be," Kid continued. "I don't want to press you, Lou. Honestly."

"I know," she said in a feeble voice, almost inaudible to Kid's ears.

"Whatever happens between us is..." Kid began saying but she cut him off mid-sentence.

"Kid," she called and he looked at her in expectation. She hated to do this, but she had to stop it right now. She couldn't allow him to have ideas about them together. "Nothing is gonna happen between us."

"Oh," was all Kid was able to utter. He really hadn't expected this, and his face showed the deep disappointment he was feeling.

"Nothing can happen," Lou repeated, almost breaking inside at watching the hurt in his eyes.

Kid was so baffled that for a moment he felt unable to talk or even think. Once he got a grip on himself, he asked curtly, "Why?"

"Just because," Lou muttered, not daring to meet his eyes.

"That's not an answer!" Kid exclaimed irritated. "Is it because there's somebody else?"

Lou sighed deeply. She knew that it wasn't going to be easy at all. She had tried to avoid this confrontation and had naively thought that Kid would leave her be just because she had given him the slip a few times. "Kid, please," she fumbled with the words and finally added, "Don't make me lie to you."

Kid couldn't believe what he was hearing. It just didn't make sense. He had noticed her reluctance when he had tried to come closer to her, but he felt that they were still so perfect together, and in a way he knew that she also felt it. If there wasn't anybody in her life, where was the problem? He couldn't believe that she didn't care for him because he knew her too well. He didn't understand and the notion irritated him intensely. "Then what?" he insisted.

Lou didn't say a word and looked at him seriously. After a while she rose to her feet and said, "I knew this was a bad idea."

Kid panicked at seeing her intention of leaving. She was about to turn away, and Kid clasped her by the hand. "Please Lou, don't go," he said, pleading her with his eyes to stay. He couldn't let her walk out on him.

Lou looked at him in the eyes gravely and finally relented. She didn't know why, but she stayed. A little voice was urging her to leave the place and never look back but his eyes and the hurt in his voice won her over. She sank on her seat and kept her eyes downcast while absent-mindedly picking at the food on her plate. Kid's mind was reeling, trying to find the right words to say. He was hurt and disappointed. He had spoken the truth about not pushing her. He knew that they had to talk at great lengths before thinking about being together, but he had hoped that someday they could rebuild what they had lost. However, Lou was saying no, and he still didn't understand why she was refusing him so flatly. She didn't intend to at least give an opportunity to them. And worst of all, Lou didn't want to give him any kind of explanation.

"I'm sorry, Lou," Kid finally managed to utter. She looked up but didn't try to speak up. "I really don't understand but I accept your decision." He paused for an instant and added, "We can still be friends."

"Kid," Lou said, "I don't know if I can offer you my friendship." It hurt her to say this more than anything.

"What? Why?" Kid stuttered, not believing what she was saying.

"Kid, you want more than just friendship," she said. She wanted more than friendship herself. She didn't know if she could stand just remaining friends with him and nothing else. She wanted the whole lot but she needed to be strong.

"We used to be best friends," Kid insisted, "even when we weren't together. That's what I've missed most: being friends with you."

Lou looked down; she cringed at hearing the hurt in his voice. The same hurt she was feeling right now. "Me too," she admitted.

"Please Lou," he was almost begging. He still didn't understand why they couldn't be together. Maybe she didn't love him any more; that she had forgotten him during these long years. But why not say it clearly? Kid had the feeling that there was something else, something that she wasn't eager to talk about. He would have to accept it and if he couldn't have her love, Kid would be happy to be her friend as they had always been.

Kid kept looking at her with expectant and begging eyes. Lou felt like she was suffocating. She knew that she should stop this. She had sworn that she wouldn't keep seeing Kid, not even as a friend. There was no point and in the long run it would mean more heartache for both of them. Saying good-bye right now was the sensible thing to do, but there was no way Lou could escape those eyes of his. She just couldn't face the hurt she saw in them. "All right," she said in a very feeble voice, internally cursing herself for being so weak.

Kid let out his held breath and smiled broadly. He caught hold of her hand and kissed it sweetly, making Lou smile at the gesture. "I'm so lucky for having you back," he exclaimed unable to hide his pleasure and added as an afterthought, "as a friend." Louise looked at him but didn't say a word. Her mind was in a jumble. She felt so scared all of a sudden because he didn't realize that actually his luck had just changed for the worst.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kid hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Finding Lou after all these years was the best thing that could have happened to him. They had agreed that they could only be friends, and even though Kid wanted more, he was happy to have her friendship. They met every day; Kid always waited for her after the shop where she was working closed. He rode from his ranch to the city every single day just to see her. They usually went for a walk, had long conversations, or had dinner at some quiet restaurant. At the beginning Lou had energetically protested, arguing that he shouldn't neglect his responsibilities at the ranch for her. But Kid had finally convinced her that everything was taken care of, and he needed to make up for all those years that they hadn't seen each other. Finally, Lou had unwillingly relented, but Kid noticed that she was still troubled.

When they were together, they had such a good time laughing and talking. It felt like old times, but Kid sensed that there was something eating at her. In a way he had thought that she was troubled with their relationship. Lou had been reluctant to even keep their friendship going on. Kid still didn't know why. Maybe she wasn't happy with seeing him so much, and that was what made her look so troubled. Yet, Kid disregarded the thought straightaway. It was obvious that she was enjoying their moments together as much as he was. Lou wasn't one to pretend, and it was clear that she was pleased.

So what was it? Kid couldn't stop worrying about what the problem with Louise was. He had even tried to ask her on a few occasions, but she had skillfully begun talking about something else. He hadn't wanted to press the matter as he knew that if he tried to push or pester her with his questions, he would scare her away, and that was the last thing he wanted. He just hoped that at some point she could trust him with her worries.

Lou sometimes was a puzzle to him. He really didn't know where he stood with her. Kid had accepted that she could only give him her friendship for whatever the reason. It hurt him, but he had roughly managed to come to terms with her resolution. However, sometimes when she looked at him, he was sure that she still had feelings for him. She looked at him with that longing he knew so well, but there was now some sadness that wasn't there before. It really disconcerted him, and he wished there was something he could do.

Today they were walking to Lou's place. Kid felt as if he was in seventh heaven. Just to be with her made him feel this elated, and he couldn't stop smiling. He had to remind himself many times that they were just friends and he needed to control his feelings. He didn't want to do anything that could endanger their friendship even though he was dying to kiss her and hold her in his arms. He knew that he might lose her if he acted on his feelings.

Louise was giggling at something Kid had said as she opened the gate to let themselves in the property. She really looked forward to these moments with Kid every day. It felt so good to have somebody to talk to, especially if that someone was Kid. She usually spent the whole day in that shop miserably. The job wasn't too bad, and it was something that she had wanted to do. Charlotte, and she had even talked about sharing a shop of their own. But that had been so long ago, and Louise had changed so much. Kid was right; she wasn't really made for this kind of life. Moreover, what she really couldn't stand was the other girls in the shop. They were a close bunch, and she felt like an intruder. She wasn't really interested in having friendships but at least she had hoped to get along with them. But no, they didn't like her, and Louise felt she was in a battlefield every day.

She really didn't have any friends in this new city. Rachel was her only friend, and now that she was married, Lou found it logical for her to want to spend her time with her husband. Lou couldn't blame her, which was why she always tried to disturb the couple as little as possible. So the moments she was spending with Kid were precious to her even though every day she tried to convince herself that she should stop seeing him even as a friend. However, the moment he was in front of her Lou felt unable to act accordingly.

They walked the path to the house in silence. Louise stopped as she noticed a tug on her sleeve. She looked back and noticed that Kid had grabbed her by the arm to catch her attention. She looked at him questioningly and he began, "Lou, next week I have to deliver some horses to a friend of mine in Marston. He's the marshal there. It won't take me more than four days. Why don't you come with me?" he asked.

She stared at him for a moment, smiling at the suggestion. It would feel so good to ride and be in the open for a few days. It had been a while since she had done that. Yet, then her face fell as thoughts came running in her mind. "I don't think so," Lou said evasively.

Her answer disappointed him. He had seen the excitement on her face, but she was telling a different story. He had wanted to spend those days with her. It wasn't just enough for Kid to see her for a few hours in the afternoons. They hardly had time to talk. They usually did idle chatter, but Kid wanted to have a real conversation with her about her life, her problems. He knew that he wasn't resigned to be just her friend. They could be so perfect together and maybe this trip could make them come closer.

"Why not?" he managed to ask after a while. "You are always saying that you feel tired of city life and would like to be in the open like in the good old days. Well, here's your chance, and I bet Andrew could make do without you in the shop for a few days."

Lou felt annoyed at him for ruining all her excuses. She would like to spend the time with him and do all the things he was saying but she just couldn't. "I can't," Lou muttered.

"Why not?" Kid asked again, not satisfied with her answer.

"I just can't," she repeated, keeping her eyes downcast. She felt unable to come up with a plausible excuse, and she couldn't tell him the real reason. She cursed herself for feeling so apprehensive.

"Again you don't answer my questions," Kid said seriously. He felt hurt that she seemed to distrust him. Maybe she didn't want to be with him alone for four days in the open, but it didn't make sense. They had done it dozens of times before. "All right," he muttered, and both of them continued towards the house in awkward silence.

Louise opened the door, and they slipped in silently. Rachel appeared and greeted them warmly. Kid smiled at the former station-mistress but didn't say one word. The three of them remained quiet uncomfortably for a few moments, and then Lou said, keeping her eyes downcast, "I'll bring you the book I told you about." She scurried up the stairs without looking at him. Kid saw her disappear with longing and sad eyes.

"Why don't we sit down?" Rachel suggested as she steered him to the lounge. As Kid took a seat next to her on the settee, Rachel asked, "Would you like some coffee, Kid?"

Kid shook his head and just said, "I'm fine. Thanks, Rachel." He remained silent and kept twisting his hat in his hands, deep in thought. Then suddenly he asked, "Does Lou have a problem, Rachel?"

The woman looked at him seriously and added, "Everybody has problems, Kid."

Kid jumped to his feet in a flash, boiling with anger. "Don't give me that, Rachel!" he exclaimed annoyed. "I don't care about anybody's problems. I'm asking you about Lou." He let out his breath and added, "I know there's something troubling her, but she won't tell me."

"She might have her reasons," Rachel muttered.

"I just would like to help her whatever the problem is," Kid said softly.

"Kid, maybe she doesn't want your help, or perhaps you just can't help her," Rachel stated.

"What is it?" Kid insisted, his eyes begging her to tell him.

Rachel rose to her feet and approached him. Taking hold of his hand affectionately the woman said, looking fixedly at his eyes, "Kid, why don't you forget about Lou? Continue with your life and forget her."

Kid looked at her aghast. He couldn't believe what Rachel was saying. She had been the first one to help him, and Lou when they had first begun. Rachel had never meddled, but she had always been there to listen to their problems. Kid knew that Lou always told Rachel everything about them. Hearing Rachel's words now Kid could have been knocked down with a feather.

"What?" Kid stuttered. "What are you saying?" He asked still in a haze.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Rachel regretted saying anything. She just felt sorry for Kid, and she knew the trail he was adamant to follow wouldn't bring him anything good. She turned away from him and muttered, "Forget what I said. Sorry."

She felt she didn't have any right to judge him or Louise. She knew that Lou was having a hard time deciding what the right thing to do was. Rachel didn't think that it was Lou's best idea to keep seeing Kid under the present circumstances. But who could tell her otherwise when Louise seemed blind to everything? And there was no doubt what Kid's feelings were. It broke Rachel's heart to see them like this. They really deserved something better.

In that moment Lou reappeared and handed Kid the book she had promised him. He smiled at her, still feeling uneasy by Rachel's remarks. Everything was so utterly weird. He'd have liked to ask Rachel what that was about, but he had to keep quiet at Lou's appearance.

Again silence settled between them and after a few moments Rachel said, "Why don't you come have dinner with us tomorrow night?"

He looked at her surprised. First, Rachel was telling him to forget Lou, and now she invited him over. Nothing was making much sense. Rachel was grinning, and Kid finally said, "I'd love that." Rachel smiled pleased with his answer, and Kid added, "I'll go now." He smiled at Lou and she smiled back uneasily. Kid cast a brief glance at Rachel and noticed that she wanted to tell him something. Her eyes were conveying an apology. Kid nodded understandingly and tipping his head to both women he left the house.

Lou and Rachel stayed silent as they watched the door close behind Kid. They kept rooted to the same spot for a few moments, and Rachel turned her eyes to her younger friend, who was still looking at the closed door. She noticed the longing in Lou's eyes and couldn't help but sigh audibly. Hearing her Lou turned to her and said in an irritated tone, "Why did you invite him to dinner?"

"Didn't you want to?" Rachel asked.

Lou nodded slowly and muttered, "That's the problem, Rachel." With a last glance at her friend, Louise began heading for the stairs.

"He's besotted, you know," Rachel called out after her.

Louise stopped at mid-stride and turned around towards her friend. She kept looking at the older woman seriously and didn't say a thing.

"He walks you home, he buys you presents, he invites you to dinner," Rachel continued. "To me he seems like he's courting you."

Lou shook her head. Rachel was at it again, and Louise didn't feel like fighting right now. "He knows the situation with us," she muttered.

"Does he?" Rachel exclaimed, an edge of sarcasm in her voice. "Really, Louise?"

"He knows we're just friends," Lou added, feeling annoyed at Rachel. She didn't need to be reminded of the situation with Kid. She knew that it was wrong, but the thing seemed to escape her grasp.

"You know he still expects more than friendship," Rachel continued. "I can see that, and you know him better than me."

Lou sighed and kept her eyes downcast. Rachel approached her and put her arm over her shoulders affectionately. "Louise, why don't you tell him?" Rachel asked her in a soft voice.

Lou disengaged her from Rachel's hold and exclaimed aggravated, "I can't do that!"

"It would be the right thing to do," Rachel insisted. "After all, you told me yourself, _'It's not such a big deal, Rachel'_ didn't you?"

"This is different," Lou said stubbornly.

"Lou…"

"You know Kid, Rachel," Louise exclaimed, "he just wouldn't see to reason."

"And what's the reason here, honey?" Rachel muttered.

Lou looked at her friend with a serious countenance. "I don't know," she admitted in a whisper.

"Honestly, Lou, I don't want to be an annoyance," Rachel said sincerely. "I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I just want the best for you because I love you."

Louise turned two bright eyes to her friend and smiled. She threw her arms around her, and both women stayed locked in an embrace. There was nothing else to say. Lou felt so lucky for having Rachel. She didn't have to pretend with her. She was tired of trying to be strong. She wanted to feel weak and needy for once. She wished that this were a nightmare, and she would wake up soon.

* * *

Kid arrived at Rachel's place at the agreed time. He hadn't stopped thinking about his last conversation with the lady, but the more he thought about it, the more confused he got. Rachel had clearly asked him to forget Lou. But why? It just didn't make sense. There was something weird going on. First, Lou's reluctant attitude towards him and then this strange remark from Rachel. He knew that all of that had to do with whatever was troubling Louise and she wouldn't talk. He had tried to think of all the possible explanations, but the problem was that he knew next to nothing about Lou's life in the last few years or at the present time. She hardly spoke about herself and dodged any questions he asked her very skillfully.

Kid knocked on the door and after a few moments he heard steps coming towards it, and the door opened. Louise appeared before his eyes, and Kid couldn't help but stare at her. She was wearing a beautiful dress which accentuated her thin figure.

"You look beautiful," he muttered in a husky voice.

Lou smiled shyly and blushed at hearing his words. She didn't feel beautiful right now, rather the contrary. She was feeling so bad inside that she only saw herself as the shadow of what she had been. Yet, Kid still looked at her with the same eyes and, even though it seemed silly, the thought comforted her. She kept silent and Kid handed her a bunch of flowers.

"These are for you," he said.

Louise took them and buried her nose in the flowers, reveling in the beautiful aroma they gave off. The smell reminded her of better times when she had ridden freely along the prairie where thousands of smells welcomed her every time. And it was always different. The intoxicating smells of the fields in bloom in spring gave way to the soft smells in the summer. And during the cold months after the rain drenched all the land, the smell of wet soil lingered in the air and involved everything, but this cold city didn't smell of anything but smoke, or at least that was the way she felt.

Kid smiled at her gesture and kept looking at her mesmerized. Lou felt his stare over her and blushed again. She smiled timidly over the flowers, and let him step inside the house. Louise placed the flowers in a vase on the side cabinet whereas Kid left his hat on the hanger next to the door. She looked at him sideways while he had his back towards her. He really looked so smart and handsome when he was wearing his suit as he was now. She kept looking at him with a mixture of regret and longing. In that instant Kid turned round and caught her staring at him. Louise averted her gaze and without meeting his eyes she muttered, "Rachel and Andrew are in the lounge, shall we?"

"Sure," he said with a smile. They began heading to the room, and at some point Kid took hold of her hand. Surprised she looked down at his hand over hers and then stared at him. He was smiling, but Lou noticed that his eyes showed apprehension expecting her refusal. She kept looking at him for a few instants and then smiled broadly squeezing his hand tightly. They made their way to the lounge hand in hand, and Kid felt like walking over the moon.

Lou was enjoying the dinner more than she had imagined. It had been so long since she had laughed so much. Kid was telling Andrew about their days as Pony Express riders. Back then they had so much fun among other things. She couldn't stop guffawing as Kid told story after story. Most of the accounts were centered on the many antics the boys had pulled back then. Cody and Jimmy had always been the ones causing greater mischief, provoking Teaspoon's anger most of the time. Lou never had thought that all they had had would end so soon. Now everybody was living their separate lives. Lou admitted that it wasn't logical, but in those days she had had this silly fantasy where they would stick together like a family. Not that she had thought that they would live together forever, but she had imagined that at some point they would still be around each other. However, the painful truth was that since the Pony Express closed down, they had never been all together again. She didn't linger on the thought. For once she was enjoying herself, and she wouldn't let her own thoughts ruin her present mood.

Kid was now telling about the time Cody thought to have angered the spirits after taking the contents of Buck's pouch. Buck had given his blonde friend a good lesson by making him perform a ridiculous ceremony. They had laughed so much, but Cody hadn't been precisely pleased when he had learned that everything had been a hoax. Kid almost choked as he was telling the anecdote that had everybody around the table in stitches. When the laughs subsided, Kid said, "I haven't seen Buck … since … well … since I left. Do you know anything about him?"

"Well," Rachel began, "he's working at a ranch for a young married couple. They bought the property of the station in Sweetwater and turned it into a formidable ranch. Buck's with them. Nice people they are."

"That's great!" Kid exclaimed. "Who would have thought!" He was glad that Buck finally seemed to have found his place. He deserved it as Kid thought that he was one of the best people he had ever known. He was a true friend to his friends and had always been one to act sensibly. It was just so unfair the way people had treated Buck just for having a different background. Fortunately, it seemed that his friend had found some peace.

Kid kept thoughtful for a few minutes and added, "Do you know what? We should find a way to have a small reunion, all of us. What do you think, Lou?"

Louise looked at him enigmatically and began unsurely, "It would be nice, but …"

"But what?" Kid asked, cutting her off in mid-sentence.

"Well," Lou said, "now it is not the best time."

"Why not?" Kid asked again, but he had the suspicion that she wouldn't answer him, that she would dodge his question like other times.

Louise smiled at him, trying to hide her discomfort. "I'm not saying no," Lou said sweetly. "But not now."

"Maybe in a few months' time," Rachel remarked.

"I assure you'll have your reunion, silly," Louise added. "Don't pull that long face to me."

Kid chuckled. He was behaving foolishly and letting his imagination get the best of him. He had to admit that he was worried about Lou, but tonight it seemed that she was her old self. It felt so good to be joking with her. Tonight there seemed to be no shadow hovering over them. Lou looked lovely, and she was behaving exactly as Kid remembered. She hadn't even recoiled when he had held her hand. Maybe he was worrying for nothing.

After enjoying the wonderful dinner cooked by Rachel the four of them finished the night in the lounge, endlessly chatting and tasting steaming cups of coffee. After a while Kid cast a glance to the big clock on the wall and realized that it was later than he had thought. He was enjoying the night immensely, but he didn't want to outstay his welcome.

"I think it's time for me to go," he said as he rose to his feet from his position on the settee. "It's been a lovely night. Thank you."

Andrew stood up and shook hands with him. "Any time, Kid," he said with a smile. He really liked the ex-rider. He had really enjoyed the company of a man that for once wasn't just interested in speaking about money and business. "Consider yourself welcome any time. We should repeat this."

"I'd love to," Kid agreed.

Rachel stood next to her husband and smiled at Kid. She still felt uneasy for the words she had told him the day before. She had no right to meddle in Lou's matters. It was obvious that this re-acquaintance with Kid was doing her good. It had been a while since Rachel had seen Louise this content. She really looked overjoyed. There was no harm for her in enjoying herself, and she deserved some of this. _'If only she could be honest with him," _Rachel thought ruefully.

Kid bid good-bye to the couple and turning to Lou he whispered smilingly, "Will you see me out?"

She looked at him, unable to hide her amusement, and said teasingly, "Oh I don't know."

Kid chuckled and taking hold of her hand he added, "Oh come on." He yanked her towards the door while among giggles Louise let herself be dragged along. She didn't stop laughing as they made their way outside and along the path leading out of the garden.

"This is not the way to treat a lady, Kid," Lou exclaimed amused. She was in such high spirits that she felt like joking with him all the time. She wished that the night wouldn't have to finish now. She could go on and on. It had been just a dinner, but Louise had felt so elated and carefree. It really surprised her to be in this cheerful disposition. Lately she had been so embittered that she hardly recognized herself. She had thought that nobody and nothing would ever daunt her, and here she had been, feeling pity for herself. She just needed to stop.

"I thought you were no lady," Kid said in the same teasing manner.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, feigning to be offended by his remark. She slapped his hand away in a playful way.

Kid lifted his hands defensively and added, "No offence, Lou. That's what you always say, ain't it?"

Both of them burst out laughing. By then they had already reached the garden gate. Lou leaned on it as she watched Kid checking the straps on his horse. Her cheerful mood darkened as she realized that she didn't want him to go. The notion scared her. That was what she had been fighting about, and she couldn't succumb to her own weaknesses.

Kid came towards her and taking hold of her hand in his he whispered, "I've had a wonderful time, Lou."

She noticed that he was far too close, his body almost touching hers. As if in impulse she tried to take a step back but realized that her back was against the iron gate. He smiled at her. His voice and his smile were sending shivers all over her body. She stayed there impassive and in silence.

"I still can't believe you're here," Kid said huskily, looking fixedly in her eyes. "It seems like a dream."

Lou smiled uncomfortably, "Maybe it is a dream."

Kid chuckled and finally said, "Good night." Without giving it a thought he lowered his head towards her and kissed her on the lips ever so lightly. Kid stared at her, afraid that his peck had offended her, but she just kept looking at him with an expression that he felt unable to read. They were so close, their heads merely inches apart. He was glad that she wasn't recoiling this time. His heart was beating wildly and feeling attracted to her uncontrollably, he kissed her again, this time full on the lips. He noticed that she was responding to his kiss, and Kid wrapped his arms around her. He wanted her as close as possible and never wanted to let go. He had wished and dreamt about this for so long, and now she was finally between his arms.

Louise felt surprised by his first kiss, but when he kissed her again, she knew that she wanted more and more. She let herself get carried away and melt in his arms. She was feeling so alive all of a sudden. As his kisses deepened, she began running her hands through his hair. She heard him moan against her mouth, "Oh Lou."

And in that moment reality came over her like a ton of bricks. She pulled away forcefully, and pushed him out of her way. The suddenness of her actions shocked him, and he looked at her with hurtful eyes. She kept her eyes downcast and kept mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." In a flash she turned around towards the property, but before she could fly off, Kid grasped her by the arm, a question in his eyes.

Lou looked up at him for the first time and just said, "Please let go of me."

"What?" Kid stuttered, feeling unable to articulate anything coherent.

"I'm sorry, Kid" she repeated. "This just can't happen."

Kid was baffled at her words. He was aware that she had wanted it as much as him. He didn't understand why she acted like this. "But…" he tried to say but Lou cut him off.

"I already told you nothing can happen between us," she said. Her voice was harsh and jittery. She tried to break free, but he wouldn't let her.

"Why?" Kid exclaimed irritated. "I can feel that you want me as much as I want you."

"That doesn't matter," Lou almost shouted. Then she pushed him hard, making him almost fall backwards, and without looking back she ran wildly towards the house.

Kid stayed rooted to the spot, with a baffled expression. He ruefully watched as her figure disappeared in the darkness towards the house. The confrontation had left him with an uneasy sensation. He had felt as if he was touching the sky, and now he was desolate. He was aware that he couldn't talk to her right now. He knew her very well and she wouldn't hear anything he had to tell her in her present condition. Besides, he wasn't even sure what he wanted to tell her. It was obvious that their feelings towards each other were as fresh as years ago, but she kept saying that nothing could happen. Why? That was what Kid wanted to know. He stayed on the same spot for a few minutes, and then his sad figure lumbered towards his horse.

* * *

As soon as Lou broke free from Kid's grasp, she ran towards the house as if the devil were after her. Never had the garden path seemed so long to her. Her mind was reeling with images of Kid kissing her and his hurtful expression afterwards. She didn't want to think. Her breathing was coming in short puffs and her body was trembling all over. The pain she was feeling was so strong that it was almost physical. "Oh God," she kept repeating and then realized that bitter tears were trickling down her cheeks.

Finally, she reached the porch, opened the door forcefully and slammed it shut hard, expressing the anger and powerlessness she was feeling. Rachel saw her enter and noticing Lou's condition she became frantic all of a sudden. "Louise," she called softly.

By now Lou was sobbing and wailing dejectedly. She hadn't felt so terrible and empty before. The pressure she was feeling in her chest made her cry harder and harder. She was trembling and her movements were shivery and unstable. Feeling her anger get the best of her she flung all the objects off the cabinet by her side with one swipe. She saw the flowers he had given spread on the floor and knelt and began picking them up, crying bitterly.

"Louise!" Rachel called again frantically. She had never seen Lou in such a state before. She was scaring her.

For the first time Louise noticed her friend's presence. She rose to her feet quivering. "Oh Rachel," she wailed, her body racked with sobs.

Rachel came to her and pulled her to her arms comfortingly. "It's all right, honey," she lulled her. Lou cried against her chest, and when Rachel noticed her calming down, she asked softly, "What happened?"

Lou looked up at her and pulled away from her hold. Remembering what had happened minutes before the pain and the anger came back at full strength. She tried to talk. "I… I…" was all she managed to utter.

"What, honey?" Rachel urged softly.

Louise turned her bright eyes to her friend and barked. "I want to flirt with him. I want to kiss him, to be kissed. I want to make love to him." Her voice faltered and she added very feebly. "I want everything and more."

Rachel sighed and looking at her sadly she just asked, "So why don't you?"

The tears began coursing down her face again, and Lou whispered before scurrying up the stairs, "Because I love him."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

All night long Kid had been able to get any rest. Images of the day before kept popping into his mind. The sensation of uneasiness didn't leave him. He still couldn't grasp what was wrong with Lou. It had been such a perfect night and when he had kissed her, he had known that they had both longed for that moment. Even though she had told him that she could only give him her friendship, Kid felt that somehow it didn't sound true. Her eyes told him that she felt strongly, and he had even caught her longingly staring at him on a few occasions. And she had responded to his kisses whole-heartedly. However, then Lou had reacted as a scared animal; as if she had been bitten. She had reversed to her mood of the previous days, recoiling from his closeness.

By her reaction Kid felt it was as if they had committed the biggest sin and he still couldn't understand why. He really couldn't make head or tail over what had really happened, what was in Lou's head. She had behaved in a very weird way since he had found her on that rainy night. Only yesterday Kid had felt that she was the same old Lou he knew, but then the dream had only lasted a few hours. She had started to behave in the same funny way again.

Kid couldn't wait for the night to end. He needed to talk to her, if only to apologize. He had been the one kissing her, knowing that she only wanted to be his friend. He didn't want this one incident to open up an insuperable rift between him and Lou. Kid felt that he had done what he had promised not to do. He had no excuse, but still he knew that he had read the signs so well. It didn't make sense, but it was as if she was restraining herself, as if she tried to do something about her feelings. But if they both felt the same way, why did she have this attitude? The more Kid thought about it, the less he understood.

The night finally came to an end and Kid tried to work through the day as quickly as possible. Today he was supposed to take the horses to that friend he had talked to Lou about, but he couldn't just leave without talking to her. So he decided to send one of the boys instead. He would have liked to go himself and even more with Lou. The marshal of Marston was a good friend of his, and it had been a while since he had last seen him, but it was vital for him to talk to Louise.

When everything was sorted out around the ranch, Kid rode out towards the city. It was the early hours of the afternoon and, even though the sun was shining above, it didn't really heat up the cold atmosphere. It was the beginning of winter, and with the days being shorter in a few hours darkness would take over. Kid urged his horse forward. He was eager to see Lou, and the ride today seemed to take forever. Finally, the city came into view, and he rode his horse towards the wide street where the dress shop was. He jumped off the horse and tethered it to a tree nearby.

Today he wouldn't wait for her outside as usual; he was too eager to speak to her, so he stomped towards the shop and stepped inside. He looked around to see if he could catch sight of Louise, but she wasn't around. There were a couple of ladies being shown some material by one of the shop assistants and two other girls were arranging the shelves. As soon as Kid stepped inside the little shop, all eyes fell on Kid. It was unusual for a man to be in the premises, and the attention Kid was attracting was natural. He felt self-conscious with everybody looking at him. He tipped his head to the ladies nervously, and as everybody turned their attention back to their tasks, Kid approached one of the girls.

"Excuse me," he said politely.

"Sir?" the girl asked with a big smile on her face. "May I be of any assistance to you?"

"As a matter of fact, you may," Kid answered. "I'm looking for Miss Louise McCloud."

The girl's smile faltered and she said curtly, "She's not in today." She felt irritated that somebody as insignificant as Louise could be friends with the handsome man in front of her. She tried to turn her whole attention to the material she had been placing on the shelves, but Kid continued his questions.

"Is she sick?" Kid asked, knowing that Lou had never shirked her responsibilities when working for the Express; on the contrary, she had never missed one working day. Her absence from work today meant that there must be a strong reason for it.

The girl let out a peal of laughter and added coldly, "Don't think so. It's a normal occurrence for her. She comes and goes as she pleases; you know, being the boss's protégée is an advantage."

Kid could hear the venom in the young lady's voice, and realized that Lou wasn't very well appreciated here. He felt irritated by her remarks about Louise. Kid knew that Lou would never take advantage of her friendship with Andrew and Rachel for her own benefit. He had never known anybody as committed and responsible at work as Lou was, and the girl's words were making his blood boil. He looked at the assistant crossly and through clenched teeth he muttered, "Thank you anyway."

He left the shop, eager to find Lou. He didn't know why, but suddenly fear had begun to set in the pit of his stomach. Something weird was going on with her. He had the feeling that she might be in the middle of something nasty. It was more than a hunch, he just knew it. Sometimes he had the sensation that she would disappear into thin air or, as she had told him, that he would wake up and she would be gone.

After leaving the shop, Kid rode to Rachel's place. When he reached the elegant square where the property was, he dismounted and tied his horse to the same tree he had the night before. He stopped for a second, trying to muster the strength to face Lou, now reliving the moments from the previous night in this same spot. He began walking along the path towards the house, and in that moment he saw a figure step out of the house in the opposite direction. Kid looked the man over carefully. He was neatly dressed, and Kid guessed that he was in his middle thirties. He was quite an imposing figure, with fair hair and a distinctive mole on his left cheek. As the man came past Kid, he tilted his head and the ex-rider returned the greeting silently. The man kept walking towards the gate out of the property, and Kid cast a glance over his shoulder at the man's disappearing figure. He wondered who this stranger was. He shook his head at his own foolishness. It must be just one of Andrew's many friends or acquaintances. He was really beginning to imagine things, he chided himself.

Kid reached the house and knocked at the door. After a few minutes it opened, and Rachel appeared before him. She let him in silently and only when he was inside the house, did Kid notice that Rachel didn't look all right at all. She was very pale and had rings under her eyes. She really looked completely shattered, unlike the way she had the night before. Rachel turned her eyes to Kid expectantly.

"Are you all right, Rachel?" Kid asked visibly worried.

Rachel tried to smile and said feebly, "I'm fine." She knew that she didn't look her best right now and hurried to add, "I just had this migraine all night long. I couldn't sleep a wink."

While Rachel was saying these words, her husband appeared from the inside and looked at her with an odd expression. Noticing Kid's presence Andrew shook hands with him in greeting and smiled.

"I've been to the shop," Kid began, "and Lou wasn't there." He stopped waiting for them to say anything. Rachel stared at him with a blank expression for a few moments and then her face creased into a forced smile.

"Oh, she's away," Rachel said, "Andrew had to see to some matters out of town, but as I have been a bit under the weather, he asked Lou to go instead." She looked at her husband sideways for confirmation of her words, but Andrew kept a serious stance and remained silent.

Kid chuckled and said, "I'm really a fool. I worry too much. I guess I'll never change."

Rachel laughed faintly and remarked, "Always the same old Kid." She stopped as if deep in thought and added, "I guess she'll be back at the end of the week."

"Thank you, Rachel," Kid said. but his smile faltered as he remembered the previous night. "Did she tell you what happened yesterday?" he asked the woman hesitantly. He was dying to talk to Lou about what had happened and clear everything up, but now that it wasn't possible at the moment, he needed to know at least if his actions had ruined things between them.

Rachel looked down and without meeting his eyes she said, "She was a bit upset." She stopped and dared to cast a glance at Kid. He was looking at her with a hurtful expression. "She'll come round, Kid. You just need to talk things through."

Kid smiled wryly and added, "I guess so." He wasn't as sure as Rachel seemed. He had tried to talk to Louise, but she had stopped all his attempts. She just refused to give him any kind of explanation about what was bothering her. He wanted them to talk as they had always done. Kid had shared everything with her: his past, his fears, his hopes. And even though Lou had originally been very protective of her own matters, she had gradually learnt to trust him. Yet, now he couldn't understand what she was hiding. Sometimes it seemed to be as if nothing had changed but whenever he asked her anything remotely more compromising, she just clammed up. "Thank you, Rachel," Kid said, "I hope you get better."

The woman turned two confused eyes to him and muttered, "What?"

"Your head," Kid pointed out wonderingly.

"Oh," Rachel exclaimed uncomfortably. "I'm feeling much better now." She smiled and added, "I just need to get a good night sleep."

Kid smiled and bidding the two of them good-bye he left the house. Only when Rachel heard the door click shut, did she let out her held breath. She cast a troubled look at her husband and smiled wryly.

"I thought you'd said you would never lie for her again," Andrew said with an irritated tone.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders and added, "This time's different. And she didn't ask me, it was my decision."

Andrew looked at her with an annoyed expression, "I don't like the way she goes with him. She's playing with his feelings, and I can tell he's a good man."

Rachel turned two surprised eyes to her husband. It was the first time she had heard him voice his opinion about Louise and her problems. Andrew was usually very discreet about his own opinions, but he seemed to identify himself with Kid and he wasn't pleased. "Andrew!" Rachel exclaimed, somehow mortified.

"I know how you feel about her," he continued, "I'm very fond of Louise myself. But she's not acting right towards him at all, and we shouldn't encourage or help her."

Rachel knew that she felt the same way as him, but his words ignited her anger. Today wasn't the best time to voice those opinions. She felt very protective of Lou, and right now she couldn't stand anybody daring to judge her friend, not even Andrew. Lou didn't need any of that right now.

"Nobody asked you," Rachel said curtly. "It's her life, and we have no say in it. Just leave her alone."

Andrew wasn't surprised in the slightest to see this reaction from his wife. He knew that Rachel loved Louise as if she were her own. Even though they weren't blood-related or even legally bonded, both women had been around each other long enough to feel like family. Andrew was still getting to know the woman he had married merely a year ago. Sometimes he felt that the bond that joined both women was stronger than what he had with Rachel. He found it extremely charming the way his wife defended Louise. She had been relentlessly complaining about the same thing he had just pointed out to her a few days ago. He had patiently listened to her harangue as she vented her annoyance with Lou., but now that he had merely hinted something similar, Rachel had jumped to defend her friend. She could well say anything about Louise, but beware whoever tried to say the smallest remark against the young lady. Rachel was ready to bite their heads off. She just couldn't behave in a more motherly way if Louise were her own.

Andrew looked at his wife as she added, "And she's also a good girl."

He smiled at her words and tried to apologize. "Sorry, honey. Shouldn't have said anything, especially today."

The woman looked at her husband seriously, and realizing she had been a bit too hard on him Rachel chided herself. She couldn't unload all her anger on poor Andrew. He only wanted to help her, and that was not the way to show him how important he was to her. She didn't know how she'd cope with everything if Andrew wasn't in her life. She just couldn't begin thanking God enough for putting him in her way. He was really a blessing. Without him she would have gone crazy by now. He gave her that serenity that she needed. Without him she didn't know if she would have been able to face it alone.

"Forgive me, Andrew," Rachel finally managed to say. "I don't know what is with me lately."

"I understand," he said with a smile and leaned over to plant a kiss on his wife's lips.

Rachel smiled broadly and added, "You really know how to sweet-talk your old wife, don't you, sir?"

"Uh huh," he muttered unable to hide a satisfactory smirk. Rachel playfully pushed him away as he tried to lock her in his arms.

"Andrew!" she scolded him playfully, "Let's leave that for later!" She laughed and as she made her way towards the kitchen, her light-hearted mood changed and she muttered solemnly, "I'll just fix dinner for us and Louise."

* * *

Just a couple of days had gone by since Kid had been at Rachel's place looking for Lou. Time dragged mercilessly, and every day seemed to have no end. Kid couldn't wait to see Louise. According to Rachel, she would be back at the end of the week, that is, two days from now. It really seemed too long. He tried to keep busy since he thought time would pass quickly, but it had proved him wrong. He could hardly concentrate on anything while his mind kept wandering to her all the time.

The uncertainty of not knowing what she might be thinking after what had happened between them was killing him. He needed to apologize and make her see that he had made a mistake. He'd do anything as long as she was with him, even as a friend. He knew that he was trying to fool himself into believing that he could be happy just with her friendship. He needed her completely, to be back to the way they had been. He had to prove to her that he wouldn't make mistakes this time, that he was worthy of her love. He still didn't understand why she kept backing off.

It was already dark, and Kid had finished feeding the animals for the night. He was glad that another day was close to its end and the day Lou'd return was nearer. After casting a last look around the ranch he headed for his house. It had been another hard day, and he'd welcome the moment he'd sit on his favorite chair in the lounge and read a few pages of the book he never managed to finish before going to bed. As he entered the room, he was surprised to see Ruth still around.

"Shouldn't you be home by now?" he asked and added jokingly, "Your husband's going to think I make you work too much."

The older woman gave him a faint smile but did not answer him. She continued tidying up the place despite Kid's protests. He had to relent finally and sank down on his chair. After a few minutes the woman looked up at him and asked, "Haven't you gone to the city today?"

Kid peered at her surprised and said, "What for? Lou's away, I already told you."

Ruth kept quiet for a few moments, trying to think of the best way to bring up the matter, and finally she decided to simply blurt out what had been nagging her all day. "I saw her."

"Who?" Kid asked dumbfounded, not understanding what she meant.

"I saw Louise."

"What? Where?" Kid stuttered surprised.

"Remember that we went down to the city for the doctor to have a look at Tim's knee?" At Kid's nod Ruth continued, "When we left the doctor's surgery, we saw her coming out of another building."

"It can't be." Kid couldn't believe what Ruth was saying. "You must have confused her with somebody else." He was sure of that. Ruth had only seen her once, and he knew that Louise was away.

"Kid, it was her as plain as day," Ruth insisted. She stopped, and she said the next revelation hesitantly, "She was with some gentleman."

Kid just looked at her with big hurt eyes and felt unable to utter a single word. The woman continued, "It was a big guy, fair-haired, with a mole on his face." From her description Kid recognized the man who he had seen leave Rachel's house just a couple of days ago. "They passed by us very closely, but Louise didn't see us."

Kid's mind was racing to find a logical explanation, refusing to believe what Ruth was implying. "That doesn't mean anything."

"He had his arm over her shoulders as they walked," the woman said and seeing Kid's hurtful expression she hurried to say, "I'm sorry, Kid. You know I'm very fond of you and, well, I felt I had to tell you."

Kid just nodded but stayed silent. He didn't want to talk; he didn't want to think. Why was Lou lying to him? He had asked her directly if there was somebody else. He would have understood that. They hadn't seen each other for years, and it would be just natural for her to have somebody in her life. She was beautiful, and any man would be more than lucky to have her. But why hadn't she told him so? She had never denied it, but she had never said anything for Kid to gather that there was somebody. And why had Rachel lied to him as well? It didn't make sense. It was clear that Lou hadn't been away as Rachel had told him. Why did she have to make up that story? Was this man the reason Rachel had told him to forget about Lou? But then why was she lying to him? Why was everybody lying?

Kid never saw or noticed Ruth leave the room. His mind was crowded with thoughts that he couldn't understand. Something weird was going on, and he was going to find out. He would confront Lou and force the truth out of her. However heart-breaking it would be he wanted to know. He just couldn't stand this game any more.

* * *

Kid did not go to see Louise straightaway after talking to Ruth. He waited till the day he had been told she would be back. The couple of days that followed after Ruth's revelation had been hell. He couldn't stop thinking about Louise and her lies. He tried to find a justification for her behavior. Maybe the man was just a friend, but then why the lying? That was what made any excuse inexcusable. She didn't have to lie to him. Kid had even begun to doubt Ruth's story, but again he couldn't deny that the woman had clearly described the man he had seen at Rachel's house. Whenever he came up with an explanation, his reasons crumbled down and the process began all over again. Every day he ended up with a splitting headache, and even though he swore that he'd stop thinking about the matter, Kid just couldn't forget about it.

Finally, the day came to Kid's relief, and he headed to Lou's place the first chance he had during the day. Rachel received him in a much more cheerful mood and looking much better than the last time he had seen her. She let him come into the house as she called Louise. He was getting fairly nervous. _"This is it,"_ he thought. This was the moment he had been mulling over for the past few days. He was still unsure of what he wanted to tell Lou. He shouldn't get carried away and act as a possessive beau especially when she was not his.

A few minutes later Louise appeared and greeted him shyly. He forced a smile, and returned the greeting. Rachel excused herself and left the two of them alone in the lounge. Louise was standing, and Kid motioned her to sit next to him on the sofa. She looked at him hesitantly, but finally she did so and Kid said, "How have you been, Lou?"

Her eyes were downcast, fixed on her lap as she simply answered, "Fine."

"Did you have a good time while you were away?" Kid asked again.

Louise just shrugged her shoulders indifferently, still not daring to meet his eyes. Kid noticed her absent mood. He didn't know if it was because of what had happened between them the last time, or because she was feeling guilty for all her lies. "When did you come back?" he asked her, trying to sound casual.

"Today," she said feebly.

Her answer ignited his anger, and he couldn't control himself any longer and just blurted out, "Then how were you here in this city and in very good company just two days ago?"

Louise looked up at him; her eyes showed a mixture of pain and astonishment. She kept staring at him in silence; a question in her eyes.

"Ruth saw you," Kid simply said. "I guess you were so wrapped up in your companion that you didn't even notice her."

Louise just kept staring at him; unable to utter a single word. She looked at him with big eyes as if with every word he was squeezing the air out of her.

"Why did you lie to me, Lou?" Kid asked reproachfully. "Why didn't you tell me about him? Why did you let me make a fool of myself? I hope you had fun." He spat question after question, feeling more and more irritated.

His words and his scornful tone snapped Lou out of her mood. She jumped to her feet in a flash and wheezed angrily, "Why? Why? Why? You have no damned right to demand any explanations from me!"

"You lied to me! You made Rachel lie to me! What is happening, Lou?" he almost shouted, losing his composure.

"That's my business," she said in the same angered tone, "not yours."

"It is when I'm lied to," Kid insisted angrily. He was more than furious at her, but actually it felt so good to see her spark with life for the first time since he had found her. All those days together Kid had found her too meek, too quiet; nothing alike to the old Lou. But this one before him now was the Louise he knew; the one who was all energy and passion. Kid had never looked forward to fighting with her, but he had to admit that he loved her fiery like that; she just looked absolutely beautiful when her eyes lit up with fury. "What is it, Lou?" Kid asked again. "Be sincere for once."

Lou kept still a few moments, looking at him with angry eyes. After a while she asked finally, "Why did you go and fight in the war?"

"What?" The question caught him by surprise. Kid really didn't understand why she was now talking about the war.

"Why did you go and fight that goddamned war?" Louise repeated, almost shouting furiously. "You come here now with your reproaches, well, I also happen to have a whole list."

Kid was flabbergasted; he couldn't believe his own ears. "What the hell are you talking about? We agreed that you'd wait for me."

"No!" Lou shook her head energetically. "You made me agree. I didn't want you to go, to leave me. But I did, I waited for you."

Kid was at a loss. How come the conversation had turned this direction? He didn't want to talk about the past; it was full of regrets. He wanted to know about the present, about her present. But he inevitably felt dragged to answer her questions. "And I came back for you!" Kid barked. He had told her so the first night he had seen her after so many years. Why did she want to go over the same conversation again? "You weren't in Rock Creek, Lou."

"I had to leave!" Louise said at the top of her voice and asked reproachfully, "Why didn't you look for me?"

Kid was at a loss for words. Her attitude stunned him. She seemed hurt and blamed him for everything that had gone wrong between them. "I tried," Kid defended himself. It was the truth; he had tried to find her but he had no clue where she might have gone. After the long years of war coming back to the west had been like beginning again. Everything had changed so much since he had left. He didn't know where his friends were or if they were around any more. There was nobody who might give him any hint of the whereabouts of Lou. She had no right to reproach him and her attitude was making Kid angrier and angrier by the minute.

"I know Jimmy told you where I was living," Lou insisted, "but you never cared to come."

"You were seeing somebody else!" Kid accused her bitterly. At that time that particular piece of news had hurt him like anything before. "You sure didn't waste your time!"

"Oh for goodness' sake!" Lou exclaimed, perplexed at his meager excuse. She had never been serious about anybody, and he had no right to accuse her without knowing what a nightmare her life had been.

Kid continued his tirade, not minding her words. He had been irritated when he had arrived, but now hearing her accusations he was fuming. "But I did go, but by that time you were gone as well! I never wanted anything as bad as to have you; don't you dare tell me how I feel."

Louise kept staring at him as if his words had punched her hard on the face. Then she averted her gaze and sank back down on the settee. Kid remained standing, looking at her as she began whispering ever so softly that he had difficulty in making out her words; her eyes focused at some vague point ahead of her.

"Everything could have been so different. We could have everything, and there's nothing. We would be sharing a life, have a family, build up our dreams, be a blissfully boring married couple. You would fuss over me as I expected our first child, and I would nag at you for leaving things around or forgetting about milking the cow for breakfast or …" her voice trailed off and she paused before adding in a husky voice, "But it's too late now."

"Lou…" Kid tried to protest, feeling a terrible pain at hearing her words, but she wouldn't let him.

"It's too late for us," Louise repeated with a thin voice. "Go home, Kid." She looked up at him and seeing the seriousness in her gaze Kid didn't even try to insist. He was without words and the pain coursing all over his body almost made him physically ill. Silently he retraced his steps towards the door and without even looking back he left the house.

Louise leaned her elbows on her legs heavily, and sighing she pressed her forehead against her hands. In that moment, Rachel, who had heard the shouts from the kitchen, appeared breathlessly.

"Louise!" the woman called. Lou looked up at her and tried to smile but failed miserably. "What happened? I heard the shouts."

Lou shrugged her shoulders and added, "What was bound to happen inevitably. Ruth, his housekeeper, saw me with Eric."

Rachel nodded her head in understanding and asked, "So what did you tell Kid?"

"Nothing," the girl muttered.

"Lou!" Rachel scolded her.

"What was I supposed to say?" Louise said. "Anyway, he won't be coming back. Better that way."

Rachel looked at her in disbelief. "Is that the lie you're telling yourself, or is it just for my ears?"

Lou stared at her with a hurtful expression but didn't say a word. Rachel came to sit by her side and patted her knee affectionately. "You still have me," Rachel said with a rueful smile, "and I don't mind your seeing Eric."

Lou let out a bitter laugh and leaning her head over Rachel's shoulder she sighed and muttered, "Oh Rachel I'm so tired of everything."

The woman smiled sadly and added, "I know, honey, I know."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Last night it snowed and, even though the city had woken embellished by a layer of whiteness, now in the afternoon that pristine morning landscape had turned into dirty brown slush all over. The sky was spotless, and the blowing wind left the atmosphere bitterly cold. Louise wrapped her warm coat tighter as she made her way to the house. She was feeling as cold inside as the air surrounding her. Today she had dragged herself out of bed and forced herself to go to work. She should stop going to the shop completely; she didn't know why she kept going. It wasn't as if the job was giving Lou much satisfaction, but in a way it helped her to keep busy and distracted. She couldn't stand to be confined between four walls; it would just drive her crazy. So she kept going to the shop every morning, but precisely today she'd rather have spent the day sleeping.

Louise didn't want to think or feel anything. She was hurting. Rachel had been right. _'Who do you want to fool, Louise?'_ she told herself. She had said that everything would be better without Kid. In a way she believed it, but the mere thought of losing him forever hurt her deeply. She had said such terrible things to him, and that wasn't the way she had wanted them to end up. They had shouted bitter accusations at each other; she had let herself be carried away by the frustration and anger she felt. Lou knew that she had hurt Kid, and he didn't deserve it. He had been wonderful to her in all this time they had been seeing each other, but now it was too late for regrets. Knowing Kid's sense of pride she could bet that he would punish her by staying away, and she couldn't blame him. It served her right; she had brought it upon herself. He had left without looking back; he hadn't even said good-bye. Lou wanted nothing more than feeling his arms around her as she begged him never to let go. She knew that she felt safe only in his arms as if nothing could happen, but instead she was left with an emptiness that coursed all over her body.

The path to the house was covered with frost, and Louise carefully made her way along, trying to avoid the ice patches and muddy puddles. She almost stumbled, and kept muttering grumbles till she reached the house. When she finally stepped inside, she began removing her thick coat as she called, "I'm home!" She put the coat in the hanger by the door and surprised at not hearing any sounds she called again, "Rachel?"

Usually Rachel was waiting for her, and they spent those moments before dinner chatting. Still she didn't hear anything, so she ventured towards the lounge. Maybe Rachel had taken a nap on the settee. It wouldn't be the first time that Lou had found her friend sleeping like a log. Louise always teased Rachel saying that she was getting old, which made the former station mistress very cross.

Louise tiptoed into the room, and then she stopped dead in her tracks. She would never have expected to find the person looking at her with a very serious expression. Hesitating she stayed rooted in the threshold, unsure of entering the room. She stared at him for a few moments, and then she decided to walk in the room.

"What are you doing here, Kid?"

When Kid saw her appear, he stood up from his sitting position on the settee. "Rachel let me in, but she had to run out to the mercantile," Kid said.

"You know that's not what I'm asking you," Lou retorted.

Kid dared to advance a few steps closer to Louise, but stopped at a certain distance. "Yesterday we said many hurtful things, and…" His voice faltered and he just added, "Let's just talk, Lou."

She knew that he was talking about her heartless words. He had just stated the truth. She had lied to him, and naturally he had been angry, but she had said painful things that she shouldn't have. She kept making the same mistakes over and over again. When would she learn to think before speaking up?

"I'm sorry, Kid," she said feebly. "I never meant to say anything."

Kid hung his head in shame. Since the fight Lou and he had, he hadn't been able to think of anything else. Her words stung painfully. He had no right to reproach her when he had been the first to sin against their love by leaving her behind. She was right to feel the way she felt towards him. He couldn't blame her. Many times his thoughts had gone along the same lines, but actually hearing the words from her had added salt to his already sore wound. "You spoke a couple of truths yesterday," Kid admitted. "You have a right to be cross…"

Louise cut him off, hating to hear the guilt in his voice. She had never meant to say those spiteful words to him. What had happened in the past was nobody's fault; sometimes nobody can avoid the course of life, and that was what had happened. "Kid, don't"

"I shouldn't…" he tried again.

Lou advanced a few steps towards him so she was face to face in front of Kid. "I don't blame you," she stated without hesitation. "You do."

Kid just nodded in acceptance. Everything she had said was true. He had dreamed of having that life with her so many times. It was supposed to have been that way. He felt that it was completely his fault that they had not been able to have those moments she had been rambling about in the first place. He had lost everything that was dear to him in the damned war, and he had discovered that there was nothing honorable or heroic in wars, only death and destruction. He had lost Lou, the family he had left in Rock Creek, and almost his own soul. The man who had returned wasn't the same boy that had joined the Confederate army. He had been embittered and shattered for a long time after witnessing the horrors of a senseless war. Little by little he seemed to have regained his own self. However, still the feeling of guilt nagged him, especially for the woman talking right now.

Kid didn't want to talk about the past any more; he didn't want to even think about it. Yesterday he had come to talk to Lou with a purpose in his mind: the man who she wouldn't talk about. That man who lurked between them and seemed to have been the lucky gentleman to conquer her heart. He didn't want to reproach her or demand anything from her. He just wanted to know the truth.

"You never answered my questions yesterday, Lou." Kid said. "Who is he?"

Louise made a gesture of annoyance. She was tired and didn't want to talk. All of a sudden, she was feeling hot and flushed. She didn't know whether it was because of the flickering fire going on the hearth or because of his presence. She didn't answer him, but instead she began discarding the extra clothes she had put on that morning to fight the cold weather. Kid watched her as she carelessly shoved the jacket and her scarf on the settee. Then as he had seen her do many times, she began rolling up her shirt sleeves. Kid waited for her to talk, and in that moment she began, "Kid I…" But he cut her off in mid sentence as something caught his eye.

"What's that?" he asked in an alarming voice as he grasped her arm. He looked down to see a series of bruises all over her forearm. "Did he do that to you?" he asked again horrified and angry at the mere thought of somebody hurting Lou like that.

Lou yanked her arm free of his hold and hurried to cover the bruises with the blouse sleeve. "Of course not!" she exclaimed feeling annoyed at him and angry with herself for forgetting about the marks on her arm.

"Then how is it your arm happens to be all black and blue?" Kid shouted the question, unable to restrain his fury.

"People have accidents, Kid," Lou retorted in an angered tone. "I… I … my arm got tangled with the buckboard reins, all right?"

Kid didn't say a word but kept staring at her with a serious stance, clearly doubting her words. Lou knew what he was thinking, and she exclaimed annoyed, "For God's sake, Kid, he's just a friend of Andrew's. Nothing else."

"Really?" he asked, sounding hopeful for the first time.

"He's married and has two kids!" Lou added, running out of patience.

Kid smiled broadly, feeling light-hearted at hearing her words. Still unsure of believing his ears he asked again, "So you're not seeing him?"

Lou threw him a murdering glance and irritated she snapped, "Are you deaf or what?"

Kid chuckled at his own stupidity. He had gone crazy with jealousy for the last few days, thinking that there was somebody in her life other than him. He should learn and shouldn't let others influence his own judgment. He knew that Ruth had meant well but even so, he should know better and try to solve his problems only with Lou. "I'm sorry, Lou. I've been a fool."

"I won't argue that," she said and smiled for the first time. Then thinking back about his previous words she added, "And … there's no man on this earth who dares lay a finger on me and lives to tell."

Kid nodded and laughed. She was right, and he had been a fool to draw that rash conclusion. He knew her, and she would never let any man ill-treat her or rule her life. Kid knew what he was talking about. Their problems in the past had basically been for that sense of independence of hers. He had never wanted to tell her what to do with her life. He had only wanted her safe; he had been so scared thinking that something might happen to her, but she had thought that he had wanted to rule and dominate her, and that was what had caused their rift back then. He had learned his lesson and understood that she needed her own space. It had really been a ridiculous notion to think that some man could be ill-treating Louise McCloud, but her weird behavior during these weeks had made him have the craziest ideas.

Even though knowing the man was just a friend had been a load off his mind, Kid was till feeling uneasy. That didn't explain the lies to him. He wanted to ask her why she had to lie to him about her absence, what the big secret was, but instead he took a few steps forward till they were face to face, merely a few inches separating them, and he whispered, "You know I love you, Lou."

She didn't even try to move away and looking straight in his eyes she just nodded. Kid took her hands in his, and he let his head come closer to her so they were cheek to cheek. He noticed Lou tremble at his touch in the same way he had felt her shiver all those times they had been together. He was grateful that she didn't try to pull away as the other times before. "Lou," he talked in her ear in soft whispers, "I really don't want to push you. Just give me one day at a time."

She moved so that she could look in his eyes. "One day?" she asked.

Kid nodded and added, "Only one day. We'll begin all over again, and we'll go step by step. Let's not worry what tomorrow will bring. We'll cross that bridge when we reach there. Please Lou."

She looked at him with a mixture of apprehension and hope. She wanted to give way and just be his. She didn't want to think about anything else, but her fears kept nagging her. "What if …" she tried to say, but Kid wouldn't let her.

"No what ifs, Lou," he said. "No worries. Just now, this moment, you and me."

Lou stared at him without saying a word. She saw the fear in his eyes for her answer, and her only thought was to erase the feeling from there, but a nagging voice kept repeating in her mind, _'It will be more than fear in them if you follow that path.'_ However, Lou decided to turn a deaf ear to anything. She wanted to believe that it could be that simple. Just one day was all he was asking, and she could give him that. She smiled broadly, and Kid felt his heart leap in joy. He leaned over and placed a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. She wanted to melt in his arms but confused she felt him pull away, and she turned two questioning eyes to him.

"Step by step, remember," Kid said as he began walking towards the door. "One day at a time." He winked at her and added, "See you tomorrow."

He grinned at her before making his way out. Louise stayed in the room, rooted to the spot. She brought her finger to touch her lips still feeling the warmth of Kid's kiss. She felt she was having the most wonderful dream of all, and she really wanted to dream on. A faint smile crept into her lips and without even realizing she began laughing.

* * *

It was now a couple of weeks since that conversation with Lou had taken place, and from that day on things seemed to go smoothly between them. Kid couldn't believe that finally Lou was back in his life. He had stuck to what he had told her. They were taking it slow this time. If that was what it took him to have her, he was ready to take things at her own pace. He was happy that she had stopped backing off, and he could really see that they were a couple again. Every time they had been together since that day, it had been so romantic and special. She was letting him court her in a way that they hadn't been able to back then. They talked endlessly, well, rather Kid was the one doing the talking most of the time. He told her about the daily life on his ranch, about those horrible years in the war and just about anything. He just tried to avoid talking about any plans for the future for the two of them. He knew that she wasn't ready for that yet.

Lou seemed to enjoy listening to his ramblings, and the little she talked was usually about her daily routine in the shop. They usually walked hand in hand through the city, and that little gesture made Kid grin from ear to ear. She even let him hold and kiss her, but there was something different in her. Whenever she was in his arms, it felt as if she was holding to him for dear life. He could understand how she was feeling; they had been apart for so many years that it was incredible that they had found each other again. Sometimes he needed to touch her just to feel that she was really there with him, and Kid knew that she was feeling the same way. That was why she had this eagerness for him, and he really liked that she felt like that. However, despite all that, Kid sensed that there was something that seemed to be between them, that something was bothering her. He had tried to disregard it and convince himself that it was just ungrounded worries, but he knew better. Lou's mind was troubled by something, and Kid had not the slightest idea what it was. He had restrained from asking her, knowing that she wouldn't tell him. Maybe she needed some more time, and she would come clean with him. At least, that was what he hoped.

It was in the morning, and after finishing feeding the animals Kid headed for the house. He was starving and longed for a big breakfast. Ruth had called him almost half an hour ago, but he hadn't wanted to leave the horses without their deserved feed. He knew that as usual Ruth would moan about how the coffee had gone cold or simply about his tardiness. He stepped into the spacious kitchen where he and the few men working for him usually had their meals, but there was nobody sitting at the big table now. Only Ruth was hovering over the sink, busy with the washing up.

"Where's everybody?" Kid asked as he sank down on a chair at the kitchen table.

The woman turned her head to the voice behind her back and made a gesture of impatience, sighing heavily. She turned round to Kid as she dried her wet hands in a tea towel. "If someone I know didn't linger around when he's called, he wouldn't miss his hot breakfast and everybody's company."

Kid smiled at Ruth's words. Every day he had to listen to her harangue. She definitely didn't like it when he came late for his meals. Sometimes Ruth acted as a mother to him rather than his employee. After all, he never thought about her as such, and liked to be treated in this familiar way by the woman. She was a mother of six boys, all of whom were now married and having lives of their own. So it was natural for her to act toward Kid in this maternal way. She just saw him as one of her boys. "Please Ruth, don't be so hard on me," Kid said teasingly and smiled at her.

Ruth shook her head and began brewing some more coffee and cooking some eggs and bacon for Kid. Every day was the same story. She should have learnt by now that she should wait for him to come before fixing any meals. She cast a glance to the man sitting at the kitchen table. He was smiling broadly. Ruth was really glad to see him look so light-hearted. She felt fond of him and was happy that finally things with the Louise were working. Ruth knew that he needed a woman in his life. Kid was a good man and he deserved to have the love from a nice woman. She had quite traditional views and was convinced that marriage was man's ideal status. A man shouldn't be alone.

Ruth finished fixing Kid's breakfast and served it to him. He smiled his thanks, and began gulping down the food eagerly. Gosh, he was starving. "Nobody fixes a better breakfast than you, Ruth," Kid said, a smile plastered on his face.

"Don't sweet-talk me. I'm still annoyed," the woman muttered half-jokingly. She stayed silent for a few minutes and then she added, "I guess I won't be doing it much longer."

Kid looked up at her and asked, "What do you mean?"

"You know very well," Ruth said, not missing his wide smile when she had said the words. "The way things are going between you and Louise …" She didn't finish the sentence, letting the meaning of her words dawn on him.

Kid chuckled and said, "I don't know if she would fix breakfast for me."

Ruth smiled. "You know what I mean. Things are going well between you two, ain't they?" she asked tentatively, wondering if he had been any problems. Kid had told her that the man Ruth she had seen Louise with was just a family friend. The woman had been clearly relieved, but at the same time she had felt guilty for worrying Kid for nothing.

"Everything's fine. Things are really working this time," Kid said, "but …"

"But what?"

"I really don't know," Kid muttered, running his fingers through his hair. "Something's not completely right; something that's troubling Lou, I know."

"Are you sure, Kid?" Ruth asked. She knew that Kid was quite the worrywart, and maybe he was seeing trouble where there was nothing.

"I know her," Kid said. "She's affectionate and all, but sometimes I feel as if she were absent. She's the bravest woman I've ever known, but she looks scared. Even her behavior is sometimes startling."

"In what way?" the woman asked.

"Sometimes when we are together, no problems at all, suddenly she says she has to go and she leaves like that, in a rush," Kid explained, remembering the couple of times when the incident had taken place. Louise had got nervous, almost frantic and had flit hastily, not letting him even take her home. The following day she had been back to normal and had almost refused to talk about what had happened the day before. She had just made some lame excuse, but Kid hadn't been convinced.

"Have you asked her?" Ruth said.

Kid nodded somberly and added, "She just won't tell me anything."

Ruth was unsure whether to mention the subject but finally she spoke up. "Have you given any thought that the reason of her odd behavior might be that man or any other?" She hated to play the devil's advocate, but she wanted to make sure that Kid took that possibility into account. Ruth would hate to see him hurt because somebody was playing with him.

Kid looked at her with hurtful eyes and shook his head. "I'm sure that's not the case," he said convincingly. "Lou's not like that." The possibility of another man had been plausible before, but now that they were together, he couldn't believe that Lou could be with him and have another man under her sleeve. That was really out of the question.

Ruth smiled and added, "Kid, maybe it's nothing. You've been apart for so many years that some things may be different between you two. Don't fret over nothing."

"You think so?" Kid asked dubiously.

"I'm sure," Ruth stated, patting his back affectionately. At some point all her six sons had come to her with questions similar to Kid's. All men turned into helpless children when it came to the women they loved. They were just an insecure bunch and Kid was no different. He was having all those doubts about Louise, and the words were not new to the woman's ears. She didn't know Kid's girl very well, but she could bet that Kid's worries were just insecurities.

Ruth reached for the coffeepot to fill Kid's empty cup and asked, "So when are you going to pop the question?"

Kid almost choked with the coffee as he heard Ruth's words. He laughed among coughs, trying to find his own voice. "I don't know," Kid finally managed to say.

"Oh come on, boy," Ruth insisted.

"Honestly, Ruth. Not yet anyway. We're taking things slow." He really didn't want to push Lou. He couldn't deny that the thought had been in his mind for a while, actually for almost as long as he knew her, but he couldn't rush her, not this time.

Ruth looked at him straight in the eyes, and before leaving the kitchen, she stated seriously, "Wait too long and sometimes the right time passes you by."

Kid looked at Ruth's retreating figure, surprised at this outburst from the woman. Where had this come from? However, something else was nagging him. 'Where the heck have I heard that before?' he asked himself, but he couldn't find the answer.

* * *

The door was ajar, and from the threshold Rachel could have a clear view of the bedroom. Her presence hadn't been noticed yet as Lou seemed oblivious to anything around her. Rachel saw the young lady going around the room, humming a tune. Rachel was surprised to see the change in her friend in the last couple of weeks. She was smiling all the time, and occasionally Rachel had witnessed the shadow of bitterness on Lou's face that didn't seem to totally want to disappear. She knew how things were working between Kid and Lou, but Rachel hadn't said a word to her friend about the matter. She really loved seeing Louise so happy, but she couldn't keep quiet any more. She knew that now it was time for them to have a little talk. She hated to do this, but if she kept quiet any longer, she'd burst for sure.

Louise hadn't noticed Rachel at her door yet as she was busy taking clothes out of her wardrobe. Rachel pushed the ajar door wide open with one finger and walked into the bedroom. Hearing the door squeaking behind her Lou turned round and smiled broadly on seeing her dear friend. "Hey Rachel," Lou exclaimed, "just in good timing." Louise held two dresses over her body and asked, "What do you think, Rachel? The blue one or the pink one?" Rachel kept staring at her but didn't say a word. Her silence unnerved Lou, and she exclaimed, "Rachel! Which one?"

"What are you doing, Lou?" the older woman asked gravely.

"Kid's taking me to that fair in the city," Lou replied. "I want to look my best."

"I'm not asking you that," Rachel said in the same serious tone. "What the hell are you doing, Louise?" The girl averted her gaze from her, steeling herself for what she knew was coming. She really didn't want to fight with Rachel right now. She had been relieved that her friend had left her be all this time, but she knew that Rachel would speak her mind sooner or later. Seemingly the moment had come. Louise turned her back to Rachel and began looking through the window. "Louise!" her friend urged her.

Lou threw a hesitant glance at Rachel. "We're in love," she muttered so softly that Rachel had difficulty in making out her words.

Rachel stomped across the room towards where Louise was. She came by her side and holding Lou's hand she said, "I know that. I can't recall Louise McCloud not being in love with Kid, and I've known you for a few years now." She stopped for a beat and continued after a few moments. "Why are you doing this to him?"

Lou felt angry at her words and yanked her hand out of her grasp as if it was burning. "I'm not doing anything!" she exclaimed, looking at her friend with hurtful eyes. She couldn't believe that Rachel was implying that she was deliberately harming Kid.

"Precisely," Rachel said. "Why don't you do something about it? Talk to him, for goodness' sake, honey."

At her words Louise sobered a bit. She couldn't get angry with Rachel. She knew that the woman was right and just wanted to help her. Lou dropped heavily on the bed and added, "I tried, Rachel. I really did. But when those eyes of his look at me, I just can't." Rachel sat next to her on the bed, and Lou looked at her with bright eyes. "I can't, Rachel."

Rachel put her arm over her shoulders comfortingly and said, "Louise, he has a right to know, don't you think?"

"But if I told him, it wouldn't be the same. You know Kid, Rachel. He would be struck by guilt so hard that it would mean the end of all this. I'm so happy right now."

"It's nobody's fault," Rachel insisted.

"I know," Lou muttered, "but that's how I know he'd react. Then all the worries would kill everything between us."

"He's already worried, honey," Rachel said. "You think he doesn't feel something weird is going on?"

"I know," was all Louise uttered.

"What if he asks you to marry him? Have you thought about that?" Rachel asked.

"He won't," Lou muttered stubbornly.

"Louise," Rachel insisted.

"He won't have the chance!" she exclaimed mortified. She looked at Rachel, feeling the tears forming in her eyes. Why did Rachel have to bring up the marriage issue? They both knew that it was out of the question for Lou to entertain any ideas of marrying him. It wasn't possible any more. She bitterly regretted refusing his proposals when she could have had him all for her own. Now she couldn't even dream about marrying him someday. It wouldn't happen, ever. The notion of it made her feel completely devastated, and she cursed Rachel for making her see what lay before her, but she resisted the urge to cry. She wanted to feel as happy as she had been a few minutes before, dreaming about an evening out with the man she loved. She turned her pitiful gaze at Rachel once again and asked in a quivering voice, "Is it so wrong of me to want some happiness, Rachel?"

The woman looked back at her younger friend, and her heart went out for her. Of course it wasn't wrong but the ways she had chosen weren't suitable. Rachel tried to smile and said in a soft voice, "The blue one."

"What?" Lou stuttered.

Rachel got hold of the dress lying on the bed and placed it under Lou's chin. "You'll look beautiful in it. Just make sure you have a good time," Rachel said with a big smile. Louise smiled back. There were no more words to say. She understood Rachel's opinion, but what else could she do? She had tried to flee and hide from her feelings. She had pushed Kid away, but nothing had worked. He had won her over, and now there was no way back. She just couldn't stop it. Not now. She didn't have any power any more, and there was no way she could tell him the truth. That would kill him for sure, and she just couldn't do that… not yet, anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Later that day there was a knock on the door, and Rachel went down the stairs and opened it. Kid appeared before her with an ample smile, and Rachel let him in.

"Why, Kid, you sure look handsome," Rachel said and laughed as she noticed Kid's cheeks turning a shade of red at her compliment. "Lou's in her bedroom. Why don't you go up and let her know you're here?"

Kid turned two surprised eyes to her and asked, "You sure?"

Rachel laughed, amused at his embarrassment. "Kid, I think I can trust you. By your attitude nobody'd think you slept in the same room for over a year when you rode for the Express."

Kid smiled shyly. That had been so long ago that it seemed like it happened in another life. The circumstances had been quite different, but the problem was that he had shared a bedroom with Lou more than once, and sleep hadn't been their main concern. He had always feared that people would think less than honorably of Lou. That was why he had always felt uncomfortable when the boys had teased them, or made jokes about their 'dancing'. He just couldn't stand the thought of anybody demeaning Lou. They had done what they had done because they had felt it was right, but he hated anybody assuming things. They had been very young back then, and maybe they had rushed into something that they weren't ready for. At the moment they hadn't gone to that intimate level yet. Kid didn't want to press her to do anything, and actually he was really glad that they were taking things at this pace. That way the moment they decided to take the next step, it would be because they were completely sure of what they wanted. After all, they had all the time in the world, didn't they?

"Go on, Kid," Rachel urged him, waking him up from his reverie. He smiled faintly and without a second though he dashed up the stairs. "Second door on the left," Rachel called after him. She smiled at herself and thought, "It's just wonderful to be young and in love. If only…" Her thoughts stopped there. It was no use to mull over something that was out of control for her. Maybe Louise was right; she deserved to be happy for as long as this thing with Kid lasted.

Kid approached the bedroom, and when he was in front of the door, he knocked lightly. He heard Lou's voice saying 'come in' from inside, and Kid opened the door tentatively. As he slowly made his way through the doorway, he peered inside and saw Lou before a full-length mirror trying to tame the few wisps of hair escaping from the neat bun she was wearing. Lou was muttering grumbles irritated as she felt unable to subdue her wild hair. Thinking that it was Rachel coming back to give her a hand, she hadn't noticed Kid's presence in the room. He took his time to watch her in detail. She looked absolutely beautiful, and he couldn't help but stare.

Louise was wearing a stunning blue dress that highlighted the paleness of her skin, and her slender figure. Blue had always suited her. However, she was beautiful to his eyes no matter what she wore, and today Kid couldn't deny that she looked absolutely breathtaking. He was staring at her like a fool, unable to say a single word. She must have felt his eyes on her because in that moment she turned to him and on seeing him she smiled her brightest smile. Still he didn't say anything and kept looking at her with big eyes.

"What's the matter, Kid?" Lou said, her eyes shining with amusement, "Never seen a girl before?"

Kid laughed at her words and added, "Well, none as beautiful as you."

Lou grinned and crossed over the room to where he was standing. She threw her arms around his neck and began kissing him. Kid was taken off guard at her impetuousness, but after the first moments he kissed her back with the same passion. After a while they pulled away breathlessly, and they remained in each other's warm embrace. "I missed you," Lou whispered in a husky voice, brushing her lips against his neck.

Kid smiled delighted at her display of affection. He really couldn't complain about her not being affectionate enough. Since they were back together, Louise seemed to long for his touch and his kiss in a way that he hadn't seen before. She had never been cold with him, but in a way Lou had restrained her feelings, especially in the presence of others. Kid had to admit that back then it had been quite difficult with her dressing up and behaving like a boy. Now, though, she seemed brasher, and Kid couldn't say that he didn't like it.

"Honey, I gather you haven't dressed up to stay in your bedroom all evening," Kid whispered in her ear.

Lou laughed and disentangled herself from his hold. "I guess not," she said playfully as she tried to straighten up the creases that her show of affection had made appear in her dress. "That fair in the city… it's quite nice. Actually, one of the few good things I can honestly say about this place."

"Why do you say that?" Kid asked surprised.

"I hate living here," she said sincerely. "I feel like a trapped animal without a way out. I live here because of Rachel, not because I like it." She stopped for a second and she added as an afterthought, "You don't know how lucky you are to be out in the open."

Kid looked at her, wondering what she was trying to tell him. Was it possible that she meant what he thought she did? Was she just making a comment or was there something else behind her words? "You know, there's always a place for you on my ranch," Kid began, trying to sound casual and watching her reaction.

Lou was just casting a last look at herself in the mirror and hearing his words she turned her head to him with an ample smile and asked teasingly, "Would you be ready to hire me?"

Kid arched his eyebrows meaningfully and added, "There are other possibilities, you know."

Louise let out a peal of laughter and dabbing some perfume on her neck she said, "I'm ready now. Let's go."

Kid nodded and followed her out of the room. Her words had left him in a thoughtful mood. Was she hinting to him that she was ready for a bigger commitment? He knew that she had been joking around him, but maybe there was some meaning behind her teasing. He wanted to believe, but he didn't want to make a false move and mess it up. He just needed a sign, and he wouldn't have to think twice about it. He would ask her what had been in his mind for so long.

* * *

The city was bustling with people. Along the main street there were different stalls lined on both sides, with congregated groups of people around. A band was playing and couples were dancing in the moonlight. Louise and Kid walked arm in arm among the dozens of people enjoying the evening. They had a romantic dinner in a little inn, far from the hustle and bustle of the city, but now they were immersed in the buzzing mob. Curious they came closer to where a group of people stood before some kind of stage, watching the antics of a tamer with a grizzly bear. People were laughing and cheering to the man, but Louise didn't find the show very amusing. She had looked forward to spending the evening with Kid, but now she didn't find it very pleasant to spend a romantic evening like this. Kid cast Louise a sideways glance and noticed her blank expression. It was clear that she didn't find the display as entertaining as the people around them seemed to.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself?" Kid asked in her ear.

Lou shrugged her shoulders in indifference. She really didn't feel like being in the middle of the mob watching a grown man making a fool of himself with a bunch of beasts. The only thought in her mind right now was to have Kid all to herself.

"Would you rather dance?" Kid asked motioning for the music band and the people dancing.

Lou's eyes shone in anticipation, and nodded her answer. Reaching for him Louise planted a kiss on his lips, and when she finally pulled away, she whispered in his ear, "Let's go to your lodgings, Kid."

Kid looked at her surprised at her proposition. "You sure, Lou?"

She did not respond straightway, but instead kissed him full on the mouth again, oblivious to the people around them. Kid beamed, happy at her brashness. He couldn't help but chuckle. Every time she managed to surprise him more and more. Obviously, she wasn't the shy girl who he had met years ago.

Kid took her arm and hooked it in his. Without saying a word and smiling broadly he led her away from the busy streets towards the direction of his rooms. His heart was beating wildly, fluttering as if it were their first time together. He was feeling as if he was a teenager again, and they were just beginning despite all the history they shared. Feeling as if in a dream, they reached the solitude of Kid's lodgings in the city.

He got a fire going straightaway while Lou was intently watching every move of his. She just couldn't help but stare at him. From his crouching position next to the fireplace Kid looked up and caught Louise ogling at him avidly. He grinned and slowly he stood up and approached her till there were just a few inches between them. Stroking her arms softly he leaned over and kissed her; a very gentle kiss which gave way to all the passion he felt escalating. Louise wrapped her arms around his neck and felt being lifted in his strong hold.

Without breaking their hot kiss Kid carried Lou and lay her down on the bed carefully. He broke the kiss for an instant and looking down at her he couldn't believe the dreamy vision before his eyes. He had wanted this for so long and now his dream had come true. Louise was looking at him with expectant eyes and immediately he joined his lips to hers. His mouth wandered all over face, and when he kissed her cheeks he stopped and called her name alarmed, "Lou".

He had noticed that tears were rolling down her face. Hearing him speak her name, her eyes shot open, and Louise saw him locking eyes in hers; worry evident in his face. Oblivious to her own will, tears were trickling down her face and at once she knew they had caused this sudden halt.

"We can stop if …" Kid began but Louise put her fingers on his mouth to shush him.

"Please Kid, don't mind me. Please don't stop." She forced herself to smile, watching the hesitation in his eyes.

Still Kid did not move, and without thinking further she reached up for him and let him know that she needed him right now. He did not fight her possession, dying to feel her in his hold all night long. There was nothing else to say as they gave way to all their emotions in a night that neither would ever forget.

The first sunrays found the two lovers in each other's arms. Kid sighed contentedly, watching the woman he loved secure in his hold. Hearing his sigh she looked at him and muttered, "I love you Kid." It was the first time she told him after so many years, and she prayed that he could hear the truth in her words.

Kid smiled brightly and kissing the top of her head he said, "Me too, Lou."

"I thought I'd never see you again and …" she began but Kid tried to cut her off.

"I know, Lou."

"Please Kid, let me say what's on my mind. It's important to me," Louise said and the former rider just nodded, seeing the seriousness in her eyes.

Lou shifted in the bed and pulling the sheet up under her arms her she propped her back against the headboard. Kid followed suit and sat next to her, his eyes never leaving her. Sighing deeply, Louise grabbed his hand in hers and began to brush one finger all over his palm absently. "I thought I would never be able to look in your eyes again and tell you how I really feel," she began very softly. "I'm aware that I might not always have shown you how much I cared about you. You might even have thought I didn't love you enough." Her voice quivered as she uttered these words. Kid put a finger under her chin and tilted her head to him.

"I never thought any of that, Lou."

Louise stared at him for a few instants and then she continued, "I want you to know that I loved you since the first day. There has never been anybody else, and no matter what, there will never be. It's only you." She paused for a few moments and looking him intently in the eyes, she added, "If life takes us to different paths again, do know that I love you and always will." Lou couldn't go on as she felt a lump in her throat, and tears threatened to spill.

Kid reached up for her and kissed her on the lips tenderly. "I love you too, Lou," he said, lovingly looking in her eyes. "And I'm not planning on letting you go, not this time."

Lou smiled ruefully and averted his gaze. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Kid, and he asked, "What?"

She forced herself to smile and hurried to say, "Nothing. Just felt kind of sloppy."

Kid laughed relieved. He was becoming a real worrywart as Ruth had rightly said. He seemed to look beyond every little detail when there was nothing else. Bringing her closer to him Kid enfolded his arms around Louise and whispered in her ear, "You're the best thing in my life. Never leave me, Lou."

Louise wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he never saw her expression change to one of sheer pain as tears began trickling down her face.

* * *

Louise walked the garden path to the house as if she were walking on the clouds. The night had been absolutely perfect, and she felt like laughing. Today she wouldn't let any thoughts ruin the feeling in her. However, a little voice kept nagging at her. She knew in the back of her mind that she shouldn't have allowed things with Kid to go that far. It was like encouraging having hopes about a future together for the two of them when she knew that it was simply senseless. She should have told him the truth when they had that heart-to-heart conversation, but she kept quiet as always. However hard she tried, she seemed to freeze when she tried to talk about what was continually on her mind. Lou couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes. She only wanted to have pleasant moments with him like last night's. At least she had been able to find the courage to tell him what she had thought would be left unsaid. To have found him after so many years had been like a miracle, like a dream and she was really thankful for that. Talking to him had taken a load off her mind, and she was glad that now he knew.

Louise slipped in the house and headed towards the stairs. She would get changed before going to work. Even though she felt tired since she hadn't been able to sleep much, she couldn't stay in today. She had already got in too much trouble with the girls due to her previous absences. Not that Lou cared what they thought but she didn't think it right to shirk her responsibilities for her own pleasure. She was about to go up the stairs when Rachel appeared in the hall.

"Good morning," the older woman greeted with a serious expression. "Did you have a nice time?"

Louise simply nodded, feeling her cheeks flush violently and unconsciously she brought her hands to hide her embarrassment. Mumbling some inaudible excuse she tried to continue her way up the stairs.

"We got the letter from Stanley just now," Rachel called.

Louise stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the staircase and turned round to look at Rachel at the foot of the stairs. One look at her friend told her that the woman was serious. Louise felt her legs wobble and taking hold of the handrail for balance she slumped down on one of the carpeted steps. "Oh Lord," was all she was able to utter. Rachel came up the few steps keeping them apart and sat down next to Louise. They remained in silence for a few moments; Lou trying to digest the news and finally she asked, "When do we have to leave?"

"Today," Rachel muttered.

Lou turned two surprised eyes to her friend. "So soon? But I don't …" she tried to say but couldn't finish the sentence; thousands of thoughts reeling in her troubled mind.

"I know, honey," Rachel said, squeezing her friend's hand affectionately. "I was as surprised as you. It's all in the letter. You can read it for yourself." She handed the envelope to Louise, and she began to read the letter avidly. "You decide, Lou. We'll do as you like it."

When she had finished reading the paper, Lou hung her head dejectedly. "I thought I would have more time for …" she tried to say, but her voice faltered. She kept deep in thought for a few moments and finally she said, "I'd better start packing." Rising to her feet she began climbing the stairs towards her bedroom. Obviously, her plans had taken an unexpected turn, and after all she wasn't going to work today. Hearing her name being called Louise stopped and cast a glance at Rachel.

"Would you like to send word to Kid?" Rachel asked expectantly.

Louise kept quiet for a few moments, deep in thought, clearly fighting the dilemma on her mind, but finally she simply said, "No." Without even looking back she dashed up the stairs, not giving Rachel the opportunity to talk her into changing her mind. She was so near to having all her defenses broken, and she couldn't allow that. She had made a decision long ago, and she needed to keep a clear mind and think that this way was better for everybody.

A few hours later Louise cast a last glance to her bedroom before closing the door. She leaned against the door and tried to stop the tears pricking in her eyes. It seemed unreal that just yesterday she had been joking with Kid in this very place. Thinking about him sent a stabbing pain all throughout her, and she couldn't help but let out a heart wrenching moan. Bringing her hands to cover her mouth as a way to muffle the sobs now racking her body she felt as if the pain she was feeling could kill her right now. Even though she had known all along that this moment would eventually come, it was hurting more than she had bargained for.

In that moment Rachel was leaving her own bedroom and alarmed by Lou's condition she dashed towards her. "Louise!" she called.

"Oh Rachel," Lou cried and threw herself to her friend's arms. "This seemed much easier before he came along."

"I know, honey," Rachel said softly, rocking her younger friend in her arms. She didn't say anything further, letting Louise relieve the pain Rachel knew she was feeling. After a while the former station mistress said, forcing herself to smile for Lou's sake, "Oh come on, Lou. You wouldn't like me to get all mushy as well, and I'm not that far from it."

Louise pulled back from her friend and managed to smile briefly. "Louise McCloud is the bravest woman I have ever known. You won't disappoint me this time, will you?" Rachel asked, trying to raise her friend's spirits.

"I don't know where she is, Rachel," Lou cried out. "I think she's left me."

Rachel threw her a small smile. "I'm sure she hasn't gone too far. She'll be back."

Lou sighed and tried to get a grip of herself. She knew that she needed to be strong. She couldn't turn into a hysterical woman; nothing had ever daunted her, and this time it wouldn't be any different. Nothing would win over her: no problem was stronger than her. In that instant Andrew reached them and asked, "Ready?"

Lou dried the remaining tears with the back of her sleeve and holding her head in a proud stance she stated in a clear voice, "More than ever."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

After another hard day on the ranch Kid was getting ready for his daily visit to Louise. Today, though, it was going to be somewhat different. He had thought hard about it all day long, and he had reached the conclusion that the moment had come. Last night it had been so perfect, like a dream come true. Surprisingly, it had been all Lou's idea. The awkward moments from the first days when they had re-met were gone, and Louise was back to her old self. He had been worried about nothing really, and he had to admit that Ruth was right after all. There was nothing wrong with Lou. He had wanted to see smoke where there was no fire. Everything seemed to go so fine with them, and Kid felt that Lou was ready for whatever lay before them. She had practically admitted that herself when talking about living on the ranch and during that heartfelt conversation. He just couldn't be mistaken.

Kid descended the stairs, feeling nervous all of a sudden. He had to remind himself more than once to get a grip of himself. There was nothing to worry about. His mind was reeling with all these thoughts, and he almost bumped into Ruth who was making her way inside.

"Watch out, boy," the woman scolded him.

Kid tried to utter a clumsy apology but ended up laughing at his own absent-mindedness. He was really making a show of himself, and he hadn't left the house yet. If he continued like this, he wouldn't be able to manage anything.

"What's the hurry?" Ruth asked, and before Kid had time to answer, she added, "Don't tell me. Would it by any chance be because of a certain lady?" Kid simply smiled in admittance whereas the woman kept watching him with open curiosity. "You look very elegant today," she said. Kid was wearing his best suit completed with his whitest shirt. Ruth did not miss any detail, not even the bunch of flowers he was holding in his hand. "So what's the occasion?"

Kid smiled broadly. Definitely there was nothing he could hide from the woman. Ruth had only been working in his household for about two years, but they had become really close. She had a way with Kid that made him tell her everything. Kid really valued Ruth's friendship. There weren't many close friends in his life, at least nobody who he could trust. Talking to Ruth seemed so easy, and on many occasions it had taken a load off his mind. Kid had talked to the woman about everything concerning Lou and their past history together. He had always dreamt of finding her, and now that she was back in his life, Ruth understood how important Louise was in his life.

"I'm going to ask Lou to marry me," Kid said with an ample smile. He had been thinking it over, and had reached the conclusion that he was ready for the commitment and felt that she was ready as well. Her words from last night had proved to him that he needn't wait any longer. It was clear that she wasn't pleased with her own life and, if she let him, Kid swore that he'd do everything to make her completely happy. They were meant to be together; in fact, they should have tied the knot years ago, but Kid felt that he had been a fool. He had almost lost her completely, but this time he wasn't going to waste any more precious time without her. All he wanted was to wake up next to her every single morning and look in those deep brown eyes of hers for all eternity. He'd even welcome a fight with her over anything trivial and bear her nagging. He'd be happy knowing that at the end of the day he'd come home to her, and they could relax in each other's arms before a cozy fire, planning their future together.

"It's high time," Ruth exclaimed, visibly happy for Kid.

"You're right," Kid admitted, "There's no need to wait any longer. She's all I want."

"I'm really happy for you," the older woman said. "I guess I'll have to begin tidying the whole place up for the wedding of the year."

Kid grinned, feeling elated at Ruth's words. The thought of marrying Lou on the ranch was something that really appealed him. He knew that Lou would love their new life together here in the open, and what a better way than begin with their wedding here? The city was out of the question. Lou wasn't fond of the place she was now living at, but Kid knew she loved his place. She wasn't one to be confined in a buzzing city; Kid could tell as much. That was why she didn't look as vibrant as when they had been riding for the Pony Express. It was the city killing her spirit, and he had been a fool to think that there was something more behind her silence and countenance. The explanation was that she wasn't happy, but they were on their way to sort it out. Once they got married, all that would change for the better. Yeah, definitely celebrating the wedding on the ranch was a brilliant idea. It would be the best wedding ever, and they'd have everything she wanted. All their dear friends would be there for their special day, Teaspoon, Jimmy, Cody, Buck, Emma … Kid stopped his train of thought and chided himself for letting his imagination run wild.

"She hasn't even said yes," Kid protested to Ruth, but his words were more directed to himself than to the older woman.

"She will," Ruth said convinced. "She would be a fool if she let you escape."

Kid laughed. Ruth had a way that made him feel very much at ease. His frayed nerves were somehow calmed now. Talking to Ruth always had a soothing effect on him. She was right; he couldn't let his nerves play havoc on him. There was no reason to believe that Lou wouldn't accept his proposal this time. They weren't two scared youngsters any more, but two adults sure of what they wanted. All he desired was to be with Louise, and she had practically admitted that she wanted to spend her time with him as well. There was no reason to worry.

Kid took his leave from Ruth and in no time he saddled Katy and was riding towards the city. While on the horse, he mentally rehearsed what he planned to tell Lou. He had been thinking hard and long how he would propose to her. He wanted it to be very romantic; a moment they could remember forever. Kid wasn't very good at words and it had taken him a while to come up with a satisfactory proposal. Without even realizing what he was doing, he began to say the words aloud.

_'Lou, what I got to say to you, it ain't easy...'_ Hearing her owner's voice Katy let out a snort like in protest. Shaking his head Kid laughed heartily. He should watch out. Not only did he talk to his horse, but now he was beginning to talk to himself. He was already the aim of everybody's banter because of his old habit of talking to the horse. He wouldn't hear the end of it if he began talking to himself as well. Even Katy seemed ready to join in the fun. "You're really losing it," Kid said aloud, making a grimace.

With a hundred thoughts running through his mind the first buildings of the city appeared in front of Kid's eyes. His calmed stance was gradually fading as he got closer to his destination. His nerves seemed to revive, and he could do little to stay calm. The now-so-often-visited square came into full view and Kid's heart leapt in anticipation...

"Get a grip of yourself, Kid," he reminded himself. As soon as he was in front of Rachel's imposing house, he jumped off Katy and tethered her to the usual place. Kid stopped for a moment to gather some of the courage that his nerves were making him lose. Breathing deeply Kid directed his steps towards the property. Trying to push the garden gate open he realized that he couldn't release it. He tried to push it harder, but to no avail. Looking down at the latch, Kid noticed the padlock and the heavy chain surrounding the gate bars.

Kid stared at them surprised. He had never seen the gate locked like this before. What was the reason for this? Had they had problems with burglars? On a closer inspection Kid noticed a bell chain next to the gate. He pulled it and waited, but nothing happened. He tried several more times but still the same. He could clearly hear the tingling of the bell in the distance, but nobody appeared to answer it. It was really odd. Louise had told him that she would wait for him today as usual, so it didn't make sense that the house was empty at this time. Maybe they had gone out for some reason. The shops were long closed, so that option was out of the question, but they might have gone visiting some acquaintance.

'Yeah, that must be the case,' Kid thought, trying to convince himself. Thinking that they wouldn't be gone long, Kid decided to wait.

An hour had gone by and still there was not trace of Lou or the married couple. Now it was getting really dark, and from his position Kid could see there was not a single light in the house. Although he tried to tell himself that there was no reason to worry, fear had crept up and was nagging at him. Kid knew that he was being ridiculous; the fact that Lou wasn't home didn't mean that anything had happened, but he couldn't help but worry. If Lou knew that she wasn't going to be home today, why hadn't she told him anything? It just wasn't like her at all, but maybe something unexpected had come up.

Tired of all this waiting Kid decided to do something. Today's plans were sadly called off, but he thought of leaving her a note. For that purpose he needed to reach the house; he would leave his note on the front door, and Lou would see it as soon as she came back. Kid didn't trust leaving the note in the post-box; with all the letters Andrew supposedly got every day, his little note was bound to get lost. From his saddlebags he took out a pencil and some paper and wrote the note for Louise, basically saying that he had been waiting for her and would be back the following day and finishing with an 'I love you'.

Scanning the fence surrounding the property Kid tried to find the best spot to jump over it. It wasn't going to be easy. The builder of the house really did a good job with the property security. The fence was a high wrought iron one topped by solid iron spikes. Only a fool would think of jumping the fence, but Kid didn't think about it twice, and not without effort he climbed the high iron barrier. When he finally managed to make it to the top, he jumped onto the ground, cursing as his feet painfully hit the floor. Hearing a ripping sound Kid realized that his jacket had got caught in one of the iron spikes and half of his sleeve was gone.

"Damn," he exclaimed out loud, visibly irritated. "A perfectly good suit gone to rack and ruin."

Kid did not waste any time and dashed towards the house. He prayed that nobody had seen him in his acrobatics antics; it would just make his day if someone reported him for trespassing on top of it all. Reaching the porch Kid knocked on the door and tried the house bell even though he was sure nobody would answer. The house was in complete darkness, and now that he had a clear view of the building, he noticed that something wasn't quite right. Scanning the windows on the ground floor Kid realized that all the curtains were drawn as if the house inhabitants had left for more than a social call.

Kid mentally chided himself once more, "Stop imagining things, you fool. You'll see her tomorrow. Just leave the note and go." He stuck the paper in the joint between the door and its frame, and casting a last glance at the house he readied himself to leave the property in the same way as he had slipped in. "See you tomorrow, honey," Kid said aloud in the darkness, but his words seemed empty to his ears. Fear had set in, and he wouldn't be able to breathe in peace till he could set eyes on Louise.

* * *

Three weeks had gone by, and there was no trace of Louise. Every day Kid rode to the house, hoping that she would be waiting for him and would make up some excuse for her forgetfulness in sending him word. Kid would gladly take her teasing when he told her how worried he had been. Yet, so far that was sheer fantasy. Lou was nowhere to be found, and every day he got more and more frantic. When he had tried to find out anything about her mysterious absence, Kid realized that he didn't know the first thing about Louise's life at present. The only bits he knew hadn't been very helpful. Kid had gone to the dress shop where she had been working till now, but he hadn't found out anything. The girls working there knew as much as he did. Lou had completely stopped going to work at the shop weeks ago, and that was all. Even though the girls weren't very eager to talk about Louise, Kid had tried to ask them for more information about people she might know, friends, anything. Eventually, it had been crystal clear that they didn't know anything about Lou other than the fact that she had been working in the shop. There was nothing else they could tell him.

So the only thing that Kid could do was wait and hope that someday Lou would come back. However, the waiting and not knowing were taking their toll on him. Kid felt powerless, and in a way guilt cursed all over him, feeling that he should do something to find her, but all the doors he had tried had closed in his face. Now his mind had gone numb, and the anger he was feeling inside didn't let him think clearly. All this was driving him nuts, and he knew that he hadn't been himself for the last few weeks. With his nerves on edge Kid was continually in a snappy mood, even barking at Ruth for no logical reason.

Another day woke shining and bright, but for Kid it was just a sign that the nightmare continued. He poured himself a third cup of coffee. Ruth and the other workers were enjoying breakfast in the kitchen, but he did not stay in their company. He really wasn't in the mood to talk or bear their meaningless advice. He knew what some of them were saying behind his back: the boss was too blind not to realize that his girl had dumped him for another fella. Kid wasn't a fool, but he just couldn't believe that. It was something more than that and he needed to know.

For the moment all he wanted was to be alone with his own thoughts, even though they didn't help him any to come closer to the truth. Leaving the house Kid sank down on one of the porch steps while tasting the steaming beverage. In that moment, something caught his attention. A cloud of dust was getting closer to the ranch, and Kid rose to his feet to get a better view of whoever was coming at this early hour of the morning. Now he could see that it was a single rider and as he came closer Kid could take in every detail: the palomino horse, the black hat covering the owner's long hair, the tan overcoat, the proud stance. There was no mistake; Kid could recognize the man anywhere. He began walking towards the rider making his way into his yard and when the man was close enough, he called his name, "Jimmy!"

Kid stared surprised as his life-long friend appeared before him like a dreamy vision. It had been a couple of years since he had last seen him, but you couldn't even call it that since on that occasion they had kind of bumped into each other, without much time for catching up. They had bid each other good bye; Jimmy promising to visit Kid's ranch as soon as he could. That had been two years ago, and he hadn't seen or heard from Jimmy ever again. And now all of a sudden he appeared out of the blue in the worst moment Kid could think of.

Jimmy jumped off the horse and came towards Kid with a big smile. "Hey, Kid," he greeted his friend. Kid approached him, initially vigorously shaking hands with him, but eventually the two of them joined in a friendly embrace.

"What are you doing here, Jimmy?" Kid asked, still surprised at seeing his friend before him.

"Well, it was high time I paid you a visit," Hickok said. "I told you I would come, didn't I?"

"It took you some time," Kid exclaimed, smiling and thinking that Jimmy would never change. He still was the same untamed man he had met years ago. He was just like that, and Kid knew that Jimmy would remain his friend no matter what. They might not see each other at all, but if any of them needed the other's help, they would move heaven and earth for the other. Kid didn't know if his friend had read his thoughts in the distance but here he was, and Kid now needed a friend, especially a friend like Jimmy who wasn't biased against Lou.

"You know me, Kid," was all Jimmy said, and Kid nodded in understanding.

"It's nice to see you."

"So tell me, how have you been?" Jimmy asked as he tethered his horse to one post.

Kid remained silent for a few moments, and then he said, "I've seen better times."

Hearing the bitterness in his friend's voice Jimmy swirled around and looked at Kid questioningly. "What's wrong, Kid?"

"It's Lou," Kid muttered, not saying anything further.

Jimmy stared at him; he tried to put his thoughts into words, but no sound came. Had something happened to Lou? He hadn't seen her in a long time. Guilt nagged him for not trying to keep in touch with her. She was the only woman he could call a friend. Other women he had met in his life had always been an entertainment for him or it had been the other way round, breaking his heart. Louise was different. There had always been great respect and true friendship between him and the girl rider. Jimmy had always assumed that nothing could change between them despite the fact that they didn't see much of each other anymore. And now, the fear behind Kid's words scared him.

"Come inside and I'll tell you everything," Kid finally said, and Jimmy followed him inside the house, fearing what his friend was about to tell him.

Once in Kid's lounge Jimmy listened as his friend told him about the last weeks' events since he had become reacquainted with Lou. Kid described everything in detail since the night he had found her under the rain, how she had tried to push him away, about the constant nagging feeling that something wasn't right, how things had seemed to sort out, and finally about her strange disappearance three weeks ago. Letting out his held breath Kid nervously ran his fingers through his hair, and now that he was telling Jimmy about his hunches, he realized that he had been a fool for not trusting his instincts. Had he tried to do something about it, he probably wouldn't be in this fix right now. A voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that Lou's disappearance had to do with whatever had been troubling her all this time. He should have tried to make her talk and trust him, Kid kept repeating to himself, but now it was too late. What he had to do was to try and find her.

"Kid," Jimmy's voice interrupted his train of thought, "have you thought of the possibility that Lou might just be fine and enjoying a leisure trip?"

"Of course," Kid exclaimed. "I've thought about every possible reason under the sun. And I wish that were the case, but it just doesn't make sense. We agreed to meet the following day and then …" His voice trailed and he felt unable to continue. The more he thought about it, the less he understood.

Jimmy looked at his friend with a skeptical expression. Knowing Kid, he was sure that his friend was overreacting. He had always had the irrational fear that Lou was in constant danger. They had all witnessed what a pest Kid had been concerning Lou's safety when riding for the Express. It had been his worries that had caused the rift between his two friends back then. Jimmy could bet that Louise was safe and sound wherever she was, and Kid was worrying about nothing as usual. However, Jimmy had some sense and kept quiet about his own impressions.

"Kid, are you sure that nothing happened between you two?" Jimmy asked, wondering if his two friends had been at each other's throats again. It wouldn't surprise him as he was well aware of Lou's quick temper and Kid's ability to rile her.

Kid's eyes briefly shone remembering the last night he and Lou had spent together, but his elation faded instantly realizing how different things were now. "Everything was fine, better than fine, Jimmy," he finally said.

"There must be some kind of explanation then," Jimmy muttered in a thoughtful mood. He still wasn't convinced about Kid's argument that something had happened to Louise, but still there was something really strange about the situation. "This ain't like Lou at all. And what about Rachel and her husband?"

Kid jumped to his feet and throwing his hands to the sky in exasperation he began pacing up and down. "I don't know!" Kid exclaimed. "I just don't know a thing."

Jimmy looked at Kid's distraught state. He had never seen his friend like this before. Kid was right; it didn't make sense. Jimmy knew that Louise and Rachel had been on the move, not staying long in the same place, but they had always let him know where to find them. It had been over a year since he had received their last letter stating their new address together with Rachel's wedding invitation. Jimmy hadn't been able to make it for the occasion, and neither had he ever visited the women in their new place. It was really strange that they had left without a clue to go by, especially since he hadn't missed Kid's dreamy tone whenever he talked about Louise. He hadn't been very explicit to tell him how things were between him and Lou, but Jimmy could bet his horse that those two had rekindled the old feelings between them.

"We'll find her, Kid," Jimmy finally said, convinced that no matter what it would take them, they would find Louise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The two men led their horses into the square that Kid had visited every day with the hope that he could see any signs of Louise. He didn't think he'd be any luckier today. In a way Kid felt that finding Lou wasn't going to be a piece of cake. Something really bad must have come up for her to leave like that; he was sure. Talking to Jimmy had helped him relieve some of the pressure of the last few weeks. Maybe now with Jimmy's help they could find something that would shed some light on the matter. After all, two heads were better than one. For the moment they were going back to the place where Kid had seen Lou last.

He remembered the morning he had dropped her at the house after that magical night. She had been all smiles, and her words painfully resounded in Kid's mind, 'I'll see you tomorrow, my love.' Nothing in her behavior had suggested that she was lying. No, something must have happened inside that house to change things so badly, but Kid couldn't think what.

Now that they stood in front of the house, it was clear that the place was as deserted as the previous three weeks. The chain and the padlock were intact, on the same place around the gate bars, and in the postbox letters piled up, showing through the slot. Kid let out a sigh as he pitifully took in every detail, but Jimmy's voice woke him from his reverie.

"Do they live in here?" he asked with a baffled expression.

Kid laughed at Jimmy's expression and simply nodded. "Surprised, ain't you?" Kid added with a smile, knowing that he had the same look when Lou had shown him the place where she lived.

Jimmy looked at him sideways with a smirk and exclaimed, "Shoot me! Rachel sure knows who to choose!"

Kid chuckled and turning his attention back to the matter at hand, he said, "You see? It's been like this for the last few weeks."

"Well," Jimmy replied, "we won't find out anything standing here." In a flash Hickok drew his gun and was about to shoot the gate open when Kid shoved his arm out of the way; the shot going lost in the air. "Kid!" Jimmy exclaimed, visibly annoyed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kid asked in the same angered tone as his friend. "You can't come barging in like that in a private property!"

"Kid, if we plan to find out something, we need to get in the house," Jimmy shouted back, irritated by Kid's always obnoxious sense of righteousness.

Kid sobered a bit and in a calmed voice he muttered, "Well, there are other ways." He gestured to the imposing iron fence that surrounded the property. Jimmy looked at his friend as if he were out of his mind.

"Are you nuts?" he wheezed. "No way are we going to make it!"

Kid looked at him impassively and said, "It's not as hard as it seems."

His friend's self-assurance was making Jimmy's blood boil. Why did he have to make everything so difficult? They would never change. Whenever Kid and Jimmy Hickok were together, sparks flew and tempers flared, and this time wasn't any different. "I'll never be able to jump over it!" Jimmy insisted.

"You just stand on my shoulders, and you'll be only a jump away," Kid offered. He had been able to scale the big barrier on his own, so it would just be a piece of cake for Jimmy with his help. What he couldn't allow is them bursting into the property causing havoc and then leaving it to the mercy of burglars and thieves. After all, it was Rachel's and Lou's home. They might get mad at them for trespassing and nosing in their business, but they'd kill them for sure if they damaged the splendid property.

Grunting Jimmy unwillingly nodded in acceptance. They weren't so young anymore, and they shouldn't be doing these kinds of stunts. Protesting and moaning Jimmy did as his friend instructed and stood on Kid's shoulders. He didn't like to admit it, but he had always had this irrational fear of heights. Even on top of Kid's shoulders Jimmy's usual strong demeanor came crumbling down. Without thinking any more he reached for the fence and strained to rest his feet on its top iron shaft, then he jumped and fell onto the ground heavily. Feeling the security of being on firm terrain again Jimmy didn't even wait for Kid to join him and dashed towards the house. As soon as he reached the porch, something caught his attention straightaway. A paper dangled from the door, and Jimmy snatched it without further ado. When he was scanning the paper, he heard Kid's heavy steps and ragged breathing behind him.

"Thanks for waiting, Jimmy," he snorted sarcastically.

Jimmy didn't bother to answer and just blurted out, "Somebody was here."

He silently indicated the paper in his hold, and Kid grabbed it from him. For a moment he entertained the idea that they had come across some clue but his face fell when he recognized his own handwriting in the paper. It was the note he had left weeks ago.

"Yeah, me." He tried to shush away the ominous thoughts that came tumbling down on his mind. He couldn't let himself be discouraged. That wouldn't help him to find Lou.

As Kid had thought, the front door was locked. "We'll have to find a way to slip inside," he was saying when a shot resounded behind him. He snapped his head to Jimmy and saw his friend readjusting his colt in the holster. Now a considerable hole was embedded in the door lock. Jimmy grabbed the knob, and the door opened smoothly.

"You're welcome, Kid," he said, an amused smirk twitching at his mouth. He stepped inside without waiting for Kid's answer.

Baffled Kid watched his friend's antics but refrained from saying anything. They sure would get an earful from Rachel, but now the harm was done, and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't want to fight with Jimmy and right now what was really important was to find something leading to Lou's whereabouts. Kid stepped in the house after his friend, and with a crooked smile Hickok asked, "So you two were sweet on each other again?" He hadn't missed Kid's words in that note. That final 'I love you' didn't leave anything to guess.

Kid looked at his friend seriously. "I was gonna propose to her," Kid simply stated leaving a baffled Jimmy behind.

Kid headed for the stairs leading to Lou's room and climbed the steps two at a time. It felt really weird to be in this big house without her. He kind of expected her to appear at any moment, but unfortunately, the reality was quite different. The house now completely deserted had an eerie atmosphere as Kid and Jimmy made their way to the second floor. Their steps resounded in the silence and reverberated in the whole house. Kid was the first one to step in her bedroom and looked around him in awe. He didn't feel comfortable to be here, much less going through her things; it was as if he were invading her own privacy, sneaking into her soul.

Apparently, Jimmy didn't have the same problem as he hadn't wasted any time and was rummaging through the wardrobe and the drawers. After a while it was clear that they wouldn't find out much in here. Lou had left some dresses and other garments behind. At least, that meant that she hadn't left for good. Among other things they also found some photographs, bunches of letters, mostly from Emma, and some books.

"Do you think she could have gone to visit Emma?" Jimmy asked, looking at the dozens of letters from the red-haired woman, tidily tied with a blue ribbon.

Kid shook his head. "For three weeks?" he asked rhetorically. "Naw, I don't think so."

"Well, it's a possibility," Jimmy remarked. "They've always been very close."

"But then why would she leave like that?" Kid argued.

Jimmy nodded. He knew that his friend was right. Lou could be anywhere, and his first thought had been that Kid was making a mountain out of a molehill, but it really didn't make sense that she had sneaked away like a thief.

"Kid, have you given any thought to the possibility that she might be in some kind of trouble with the law?" Jimmy asked as the thought crossed his mind.

"Lou? Our Lou?" Kid asked in disbelief. He couldn't believe that, not from Louise. She had always been so upright. He and Jimmy, though unfairly, had some issues with the law when they were riding for the Express. Jimmy had almost been hung for a murder he never committed, and Kid had been locked in a hellish prison for defending a lady from being cheated. Even the other riders had their share of trouble with the law, but never Lou. No, that couldn't be. It was impossible.

Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. Kid remembered the day he had suggested that they went together to Marston to deliver those horses to the marshal. It had appeared that Lou was going to say yes, but then she refused. Kid had thought that she hadn't wanted to spend those days alone with him as she had been trying to push him away all that time. But could it have been because they were going to see the marshal? Was Lou afraid of meeting the lawman? If that was the case, what might she possibly have done? Stealing? No. She didn't have any money issues. Murdering? He couldn't believe that, especially if Rachel and Andrew could be helping her fleeing like that.

"I don't think so, Jimmy," Kid finally said. "You know Lou."

"What about Rachel's fella?" Jimmy insisted. "He might be in the middle of some dirty business and have involved the girls somehow."

Kid stared at him, appraising Jimmy's words in his mind. "He seems to be an honest man to me, but I can't rightly say."

Both men relapsed into silence, and Jimmy resumed examining Lou's letters. He sank down on the bed and began unfolding one of the letters. "Jimmy! We shouldn't read her personal correspondence. It's not right," Kid chided. He was already mortified for breaking in her house and going through her things. Louise would be mad if she knew. He was dying to know anything that could lead them to Lou, but still it didn't feel right.

Jimmy, not paying his friend any heed, continued to read the letter. "So you want to know what's happening to Lou or not?" Jimmy said and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he read the words in the paper. "Seems little Theresa's expecting a baby." Definitely she wasn't little any longer, Jimmy thought. He had been at the girl's wedding a few years ago and had been stunned at what a fine woman she had become.

Hearing Jimmy's words it dawned on Kid like lightning that he had the truth before him all along. He hit his forehead with the rear part of his left palm and exclaimed, "That's it! What a fool I have been!"

Jimmy looked up at his friend, "What are you babbling about?"

Kid smiled broadly and said, "Lou told me that Theresa was expecting the baby any time. They must have got a telegram with the news and hadn't thought twice to leave all of the sudden."

"Women and babies!" Jimmy quipped, chuckling at the thought. He rose to his feet and reading the address in the envelope he said, "Here's Theresa address in Saint Louis." He looked up to his friend and asked, "Do you think the world is ready for Kid and James Hickok to ride together again?"

Kid laughed heartily; the pressure from the last few weeks being relieved. Now he had a hope, and he felt like a fool for jumping to rash conclusions. When he told Lou, she'd sure laugh at him. He wouldn't mind as long as he could see her smile again. He missed her smile and her laugh so much. It would take them a few days to reach St Louis, and then Lou would be with him again. He hoped that they would never be apart any more.

Even though he was feeling elated with the realization of the truth, a thought was still nagging him. Why hadn't she sent him word that she was in St Louis with Theresa? It had been three weeks, and she only needed to wire him. He tried to disregard the thought and convince himself that the baby must have Lou so wrapped up around its little finger that she hadn't given any thought to anybody or anything. Still Kid couldn't erase the insecurity shadowing his present mood. He smiled in an attempt to disregard his nagging thoughts and added, "What are we waiting for?"

* * *

The ride to Saint Louis was hectic. Kid was in such a hurry to reach the place that it took many protests from Jimmy before he consented to stopping so they could rest and relieve the horses on the way. He wanted to get to the city and Theresa's home as soon as possible. Only then he would find his peace of mind. Kid didn't want to waste any precious time; he would hate it if they missed Lou because of taking it slower than they should. It was weeks that Louise had been away, and if she had gone to see her sister, she wouldn't stay there forever. All in all, it had taken them three days to get to Saint Louis, and Kid breathed out relieved when the first buildings of the city came into view.

Theresa lived somewhere on the outskirts of the city according to the address written on the envelope of one of Lou's letters. After stopping for directions, Kid and Jimmy spurred their horses towards the place. Jimmy faintly remembered when he had attended Theresa's wedding a few years ago. He had too much to drink, and what Jimmy clearly remembered was the terrible hangover he had suffered the next day. Even though he knew that he had been introduced to Theresa's now husband, he barely had any recollections of the incident. All he knew was that the man was a farmer and had his property somewhere in St Louis. He had learnt all that from Lou in one of his scarce visits.

The property came into view, and Kid felt his heart leap in a mixture of apprehension and excitement. From their position the riders could see Theresa's home. It was a house similar to the one that had belonged to Emma in Sweetwater. The façade was white-washed and had a red-tiled roof, which now reflected the afternoon sunlight. The windows were spacious and the deserted porch held a swing where you could sit and chat amicably on warm summer nights. As Jimmy and Kid approached the property, they could see the stables and the barn, but so far there was nobody in sight. However, they could tell that the place wasn't uninhabited. There were sheets hanging on the clothesline, and the whole place had some kind of homely air that couldn't be mistaken.

The two friends eased off their horses and tethered them to the fence surrounding the house. Kid was getting more and more nervous by the minute. He wondered what he'd tell Lou; why he'd show up at her sister's house and whether she would be pleased at seeing him. _'Don't be a fool,'_ Kid added to himself silently. _'If she has missed you half of what you have, she will be jumping with joy.'_ As his thoughts kept him busy, Kid realized late that they had reached the house and Jimmy had knocked at the front door. He breathed in deeply and it seemed like ages before they heard somebody coming and opening the door. A young man appeared before them and Jimmy exclaimed with a broad smile, "My, my, Jeremiah!"

Kid remembered Lou's younger brother from that time when they had rescued both siblings from their father, and from the few times he had gone to the orphanage with Lou. Back then he had been a child, but now the boy wasn't a child anymore, but a grown-up man.

Jeremiah turned two surprised eyes to Hickok and exclaimed, "Jimmy?" At the other's nod the young man shook hands with him energetically. "What the heck are you doing here?" he asked and called for his sister over his shoulder. "Theresa! Come here and you'll have the surprise of your life! Theresa!"

After a few seconds a woman appeared behind the young man. "Jeremiah McCloud! Could you stop bawling out! You're going to wake …" Theresa stopped her scolding as she spotted Jimmy behind her brother. "Jimmy!" she cracked and threw herself to his arms, laughing contentedly. "Oh Jimmy, it has been so long!"

Jimmy joined in her mirth, and when she had disentangled herself from his hold he said with a mischievous smirk, "If I remember rightly, since your wedding. I've heard that you've been busy since then."

Theresa rolled her eyes and added, "Don't remind me of my wedding. You and my dear brother here got so drunk that you almost passed out!" p

"She's still sore at us for that!" Jeremiah said amused.

The two siblings hadn't noticed Kid's presence behind Jimmy yet. The familiarity of them with his friend made Kid feel regretful in a certain way. He had missed so many things with Lou because of his bad decision. It should have been him who they greeted. If he hadn't left, he and Lou would have taken care of the two siblings and helped them to grow into good and decent adults. Kid would have been happy to have them as part of his family, but, unfortunately, it was too late for that, and they were practically strangers to him.

Kid saw Jimmy turning to him and talking to the younger pair at the door. "You remember Kid, don't you?"

Brother and sister looked at him, and Kid smiled uncomfortably. "Of course we remember you," Theresa said softly with an ample smile. "Nice to see you, Kid."

Jeremiah guffawed out of the blue and added with a smirk, "Difficult to forget a face when his portrait has been sitting on your sister's bedside table for as long as I remember and the same portrait being the first thing to be packed when we moved."

Kid turned a shade of red at Jeremiah's words, and Theresa scolded her brother sternly, "Jeremiah! Manners!" Obviously Theresa wasn't a shy little girl any more, but a self-assured woman who seemed to have more sense in her head than her older brother, or at least they seemed to have swapped the roles. "Please come in," Theresa said, addressing both Jimmy and Kid.

As they followed the girl into the house, Jeremiah fell back to their side and asked them in a soft voice, which didn't reach his sister's ears, "So you've come to see Louise?"

Kid's heart leapt in joy at the boy's words. After all they had been on the right path all along, and Lou was here. When they had been standing in conversation on the porch, Kid had the sensation that they had made a mistake, and Louise wasn't anywhere near the place. However, it seemed that his idea had been right all along. They didn't have the option of answering the boy as Theresa turned around towards them with an ample smile.

Without further ado Jimmy blurted out the question that had been on their minds all the time. "Where's Lou, Theresa?"

The girl turned two surprised eyes to both men and repeated baffled, "Lou?" Kid and Jimmy bobbed their heads up and down in unison. "My sister?" The two men nodded again and in that instant they could see surprisingly the anger rising in Theresa's placid face.

"Oh no." They heard Jeremiah's voice mutter.

"Don't even mention her name to me!" she hollered at the top of her voice.

"But…" Kid tried to say, confused at Theresa's reaction. He had always been aware of the good relationship between both sisters. Theresa had always adored her elder sister, and Lou loved the girl dearly.

"No buts," Theresa said in the same demanding tone. In that instant a wail was heard and she excused herself and went up the stairs, leaving the three men in the hallway.

"She's really mad at Louise," Jeremiah explained to the two baffled men, "and I can't say I don't understand her reasons."

The young man began his way up the stairs and gestured the other two to follow him. Jimmy and Kid entered a room which seemed to be a nursery after Jeremiah and found Theresa sitting on a rocking chair; a baby in her arms. She was rocking and humming a lullaby, and the baby seemed to have fallen into a sweet slumber. As she saw the three men step in the room, Theresa brought a finger to her lips to hush them.

"So this is it?" Jimmy asked in a soft voice.

Theresa smiled broadly and nodded her head. Careful of not waking up the baby in her arms she rose to her feet and shifted the baby so the men could see it clearly. "Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, the love of my life," Theresa whispered with a proud stance.

Both men grinned and Jimmy added, "She's as beautiful as her mama." Theresa beamed at his words and proceeded to place the baby in her cot.

"What's her name?" Kid asked, mesmerized at the image before her eyes.

Theresa did not answer straightaway, but took her time to cover the baby with a little blanket safely. She turned round and said, "Louise. Her name's Louise."

Kid couldn't help but smile at the mention of the name, now understanding Jeremiah's question. However, his smile faded quickly when thoughts of Lou came rushing through his mind, and the reason why they were there. He realized that they weren't any nearer to find Lou than when they had first ridden off. Obviously, Louise wasn't in the place, and it seemed that she hadn't been any time lately. Finally, his own wishes got the better of him and Kid said, "Theresa, we need to know about Lou." Seeing no response from the girl he added, "Please."

Theresa gestured them to follow her out of the room and led them to some kind of lounge. As soon as they stepped inside, the girl began pacing the room up and down furiously. "I'm sick and tired of my sister and her silly games!" Theresa exclaimed angrily.

"What happened between you two?" Jimmy asked, still shocked at Theresa's attitude. This was something new to him. The last time he had seen both sisters together, they had been as thick as thieves.

Theresa stopped her frantic pacing and folding her arms over chest she said, "As soon as I got pregnant, she continuously assured me that she would be with me when the moment came. _'You needn't worry, honey. I'll be here with you no matter what and as long as you need me.'_ " Theresa tried to mimic her sister's voice in an exaggerated drawl. "Rubbish! I never saw hide or hair of her in the thirty-six hour labor I had to endure. Not even a word, an excuse, nothing. Thankfully, Mark's mother was here with me the whole time. I've had to learn the hard way that she never really cared for us." Theresa stopped breathless after her long tirade.

Kid couldn't keep quiet at Theresa's remarks. That wasn't true, and it angered him that the girl could talk like that. Lou had really cared about her siblings, and they had continuously been on her mind. She had to give up on many things just for them. It was for them that she had run away from the orphanage just to fall into the hands of the monster who stole her innocence. Only for them had she faced danger every day when riding for the Express. Kid knew how much Theresa and Jeremiah meant to Lou. How could the girl say that Louise had never cared?

"She might have had a strong reason," Kid argued, his voice tinged with irritation.

Theresa snorted and continued in the same angered tone. "Ha! So what so powerful reason has kept her from just seeing us? In three months I haven't heard a word from her. I've sent her telegrams and letters, asking her, begging her to come and meet her niece. Has she? No, of course not! The only thing I got was a pitiful and very brief letter from Rachel saying that my sister was too busy at the moment to travel to St Louis. So busy that she couldn't even write the letter herself? I'm not an idiot, not any more, and I don't buy her excuses." Theresa talked sarcastically and in a tone that expressed the hurt and anger she was feeling.

Kid listened to the girl's tirade with a baffled expression. "When did you get Rachel's letter?" was all he asked, not having any arguments to excuse Lou's behavior.

"About a month and a half ago," Theresa answered indifferently.

Kid had been with Lou during that time and he couldn't see the reason that had kept her from visiting Theresa and her baby. He couldn't understand the reasons. Kid remembered how Lou's eyes had shone when she had told him about her sister's due pregnancy. So it just didn't make sense what Theresa was saying; as little sense as Lou's sudden flit. "That doesn't sound like her at all," Kid muttered thoughtful.

Theresa shrugged her shoulders in indifference and added, "Well, that's how things are."

Kid and Jimmy remained silent, pondering what they had learnt from the girl. Finally, it was Kid who spoke up. "Lou's disappeared, Tessa."

Jeremiah, who had been quiet in all this exchange, turned two big eyes to Kid, alarmed at his words. "Disappeared? What?" the boy uttered with a shaken voice.

Kid nodded gravely and began telling the two siblings what had happened with Lou since he had found her that day under the rain. The more he said, the more incredible it sounded to his ears even though he had lived everything himself. Nothing made sense, neither her attitude nor her mood changes nor her sudden disappearance. It was like a nightmarish tale and he was just in the middle of it.

When Kid had finished telling them about Lou, Theresa looked at him without much interest and snorted indifferently, "Bah, I wouldn't worry, Kid. It's just her style of doing things. She never stays very long in the same place. I guess she wasn't happy in her job as usual, was she?"

"No, but …" Kid tried to protest but Theresa continued without paying him any heed. "I'm sure that they're looking for a new place to live in, or they may even be living happily somewhere else already."

"But leaving like that without telling a single soul," Kid tried again.

"Kid, my sister left us in the orphanage one day, and we didn't hear from her in five years," Theresa said, "and we're her only family."

At her words Kid felt speechless. He couldn't believe that Theresa still held that against Lou. He would have expected that from Jeremiah, but never from sweet Theresa. She should know by now why Lou had done what she had done. Louise had felt guilty for years for leaving her siblings behind for such a long time. Jeremiah's attitude hadn't helped any when they had met after those years of silence. Only Theresa had been supportive of her sister, but seemingly, the girl still held a grudge for her. The only good thing that Kid found now was that Lou wasn't present to hear Theresa talk about her like that. Knowing Louise, Kid was sure that Theresa's words would break her heart.

"I just know that something has happened to Lou," Kid said stubbornly. He just couldn't believe Theresa's assumptions.

"Whatever," the girl said and turned to leave but she stopped at hearing her name being called. She swirled around to see that it was Kid who was addressing her once again.

"Just tell me one more thing, Tessa," Kid asked and at the girl's nod he added, "When was the last time you saw Lou?"

The girl kept thoughtful for a moment and then said, "About six months ago, I think." Louise and Rachel had come to see her, bringing with them lots of presents for the coming baby. Louise seemed to be so excited, and Theresa couldn't understand why her attitude had changed so drastically.

"And was she all right?" Kid asked and seeing Theresa's baffled expression he added, "I mean, was Lou like always?"

"Yes," the girl answered uttering the word slowly, but Kid didn't miss the slight hesitation in her voice.

"What is it?" Kid urged her. He knew there was something on her mind.

"Nothing really," Theresa said unsure. "She was the same Louise, but there was something different."

"Different in what way?" Jimmy asked, his interest peaked with the girl's answer. He had thought that Kid's imagination and worries were making him see smoke without fire. Now hearing Theresa, Jimmy had to acknowledge that there was really something in Lou's disappearance.

"I really don't know," Theresa said.

"As though something was troubling her?" Kid asked, even though he knew what her answer would be.

Theresa nodded, and the anger she had felt for Lou for the last few months faded instantly and instead worry began taking possession of her soul. "Do you think my sister's in some kind of trouble, Kid?"

"I'm afraid so," Kid said, voicing his fears for the first time. He had been right about Lou since that first night. She had been hiding something from him and he had known. Foolishly he had let himself and everybody persuade him that nothing was wrong with Lou; that it was the years apart that made her appear different. He should have known better than that. Now he realized that he had been a fool, especially after hearing Theresa. She had seen the same changes in Lou as he had and the girl couldn't be mistaken.

"Are you sure, Kid?" Jeremiah asked. He hadn't seen Louise for over a year, and he couldn't imagine that his dear sister could be in the middle of something nasty. Louise was more than his sister; she had done everything for them to be a real family again. Jeremiah tried to resist the thought that something was wrong in Louise's life.

"Pretty sure, I'm afraid," Kid said in spite of himself.

"Oh God," Theresa exclaimed, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. She now felt terrible for all those thoughts she had about Louise. She had jumped to conclusions, and maybe the reason for Lou's absence from her baby's birth was something that might be causing havoc in her sister's life. Theresa realized that the other three men remained in silence and with forlorn expressions. She approached Kid and taking his hand in hers she said in a soft voice, "Will you look for my sister and bring her back to me, Kid? Will you?"

Kid looked at her in the eyes fixedly and added with a firm voice, "We'll find her, Theresa. I promise." His last words kind of dropped in a cracked voice. He was promising Theresa something that right now he wasn't sure of doing himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

They stopped to spend the night in a clearing next to a small creek where they could water the horses. The morning greeted them with a bright sun, but for Kid the day could well be as miserable as he felt right now. Since waking up he had sat on a fallen trunk dejectedly and hadn't spoken a word. Kid didn't know how he was feeling any more. The visit to Theresa's place hadn't turned out as he had expected. Lou hadn't been there and the happy meeting between them, which he had dreamed about since leaving Meringdon, hadn't taken place. He was now as clueless as he had been at the beginning and neither he nor Jimmy had talked or even hinted about what they could do next.

Theresa had made them stay at her place for one night even though Kid had protested vehemently. Admittedly, the hot dinner and the soft bed had done them good even though worry hadn't let Kid get much sleep. If only he knew something to go on… But no, he didn't know a thing. It angered him to feel so powerless. If Lou hadn't gone to see her sister, where on earth could she be? The more he thought about it, the fewer ideas he had. Today was exactly a month since he had last seen her, but it seemed like ages. Fear had begun creeping in his mind even though he tried to disregard it. Will he see her again? He shuddered at the thought. He couldn't let himself be carried away by this pessimistic streak. Lou was somewhere out there, and he would find her. No matter how long it took or how much effort it cost, he had to find her; he had to fulfill his promise to Theresa.

Jimmy poured some coffee for himself and Kid, and standing up from his crouching position next to the fire, he came closer to his friend and handed him a cup of steaming brew. Kid took the cup and silently nodded his thanks to Hickok. Jimmy sank down next to him and watched his forlorn expression while sipping the hot coffee. He patted Kid on the back comfortingly and exclaimed, "Cheer up, Kid, for goodness' sake!"

"Cheer up?" Kid repeated aghast as if Jimmy had committed the worst atrocity pronouncing those words. "How can you say that?"

"You have to think positively," Jimmy insisted, already tired of Kid's glum attitude. He understood his friend; he had begun to worry since their visit to Theresa and Jeremiah, but sulking wouldn't help them any to locate Lou. "Think of what we have managed to find out from Theresa and Miah."

"Find out?" Kid repeated with a puzzled expression. What was Jimmy saying? They hadn't found anything. The two siblings didn't know where Lou was any more than they did.

Jimmy nodded stubbornly and said, "First, we get confirmation that your worries are not groundless, and, secondly, now we know for sure that Lou wasn't in St Louis."

"Sure," Kid quipped sarcastically. Trust Jimmy to state the obvious.

Hickok, though, continued, disregarding Kid's apparent lack of enthusiasm at his words. "That means that we have one less possibility to look at on our list. We just need to check the other ones."

"What other possibilities?" Kid asked. He really couldn't think of any other options to go for. His mind had gone blank with all the worry and stress from the last few weeks, and he felt unable to think rationally.

"First," Jimmy began, rising one finger as he began to number the different possibilities, "she might have gone back home in the time we've been away."

Kid shook his head no. "I know she hasn't. I have somebody checking at home and wiring me if she turns up." Before leaving St Louis he had stopped by the telegraph office, and the telegram that had been waiting for him hadn't brought the good news he wanted.

"Well done, Kid," Jimmy exclaimed, trying to raise his friend's spirit although he knew that the only thing that would cheer Kid up would be to find Lou. "So that means crossing out another line on our list."

Kid smiled faintly, and Jimmy continued, "Secondly, she might have visited somebody else."

"Other than her sister and the baby?" Kid asked with a doubtful expression.

"Yes, I know. It doesn't make much sense," Jimmy admitted, "but it's a possibility." He stopped for a second and added, "Anyway, my bet is that Lou's in some kind of fix with the law."

"Jimmy," Kid protested.

"I know what you're gonna say," he interrupted his friend. "I don't mean her directly. Maybe Rachel's husband, … uh …, Andrew, right?" At Kid's nod he continued, "I'm inclined to believe that the girls are in the middle of something because of the man's shady deals. Otherwise, why have the three of them eloped?"

"You have a point there," Kid admitted unwillingly, "but I find it hard to believe." Somehow what Jimmy was saying made sense, but he couldn't understand that something like that could affect Lou's behavior so badly. She had tried to push him away forcefully, and it had taken a lot of persuasion on his part to finally have her back. The thought made Kid grimace as all his efforts seemed useless now. Louise was out of his life again, and he didn't seem any nearer to finding the way back to her.

"You told me that Rachel tried to convince you to leave Lou alone, and she even lied to you when Lou was seen with that friend of Andrew's," Jimmy reasoned. "Have you ever wondered why Rachel would do something like that if not to protect her husband? I'm sure that fella is in the middle of all this."

Kid listened to Jimmy carefully. All he was saying really made sense. Kid had never given any thought to those facts that Jimmy had just mentioned. He had been curious and puzzled at the time, but when things had rekindled between him and Lou, he had never tried to find out anything else; he had just wanted to black out anything threatening his then happy mood. Now he cursed his decision of keeping those doubts to himself. Rachel had really acted weird, but still Kid had some reservations. He resisted believing that Andrew was some kind of rogue, dragging Lou and his wife with him. And above all, he couldn't accept that Rachel would put Lou on the line just to protect her husband. Kid knew the strong bond between the two women; Rachel loved Lou as her own and Kid was sure that Lou wouldn't gladly be part of all that.

"I don't know, Jimmy," Kid finally said.

"Please, Kid, trust this hunch of mine," he insisted. "That's the only thing that seems to make a bit more sense."

Kid kept thinking for a few moments and finally nodded in consent. "All right then." He paused for a second and then asked, "So where do we go from here?" At least they had something to go for, and maybe Jimmy could be right after all.

"I know Emma doesn't live far from here. We could pay her a visit," Jimmy said.

"Emma?" Kid asked, confused at his friend's suggestion.

Jimmy nodded without the slightest hesitation. "Well, the possibility that Lou might have gone and seen Emma is still on the table. You saw the dozens of letters from her, and she might tell us something. And if there's been some illegal activity concerning Rachel's new husband, I bet Sam will be able to give us some information."

Kid listened to Jimmy, happy that he was here with him. His friend seemed to be full of ideas and resolve. At least he seemed to think more clearly. Kid, though, had felt powerless for a month, not having a clue what to do to find Lou. Jimmy's confidence gave Kid hope that they could find her after all. She just couldn't disappear like that, not again. He needed her as bad as always, and he wouldn't let her slip through his fingers again. If Louise was in the middle of trouble, which he suspected she was, Kid swore that he'd do anything to help her. She should have trusted him, he thought a little hurt. Didn't she know that he'd even die helping her? Finally, Kid looked at his friend with determination and said, "Let's go."

* * *

It was in the middle of the afternoon when they reached Emma's home. The woman lived right in the middle of town, in a very dainty house. The two friends jumped off their horses and made their way to the place. Jimmy knocked on the door and they waited for a few minutes, but nobody answered. He tried again, this time using the knocker on the red door and calling her name at the same time. "Emma! Are you home? It's Kid and Jimmy." No sound came from the inside of the house. Kid tried to peek through one of the windows on the ground floor, but he couldn't see much.

"She's not home, Jimmy," Kid said, feeling discouraged by the turn of events. He had hoped that Emma could cast some light about the matter. After all, he knew how close Louise and the woman were. Maybe Lou had trusted her with the reason why she had left so unexpectedly. Now that Emma's house seemed to be deserted, his hopes disappeared. As far as they knew, Emma could not live here any more. Jimmy hadn't seen her or heard from her for a few years, and Kid hadn't even known that she had her place here.

"I guess you're right," Jimmy conceded.

As they were about to leave the place, they heard somebody giggling behind them and a voice saying, "Oh my". Both men turned round and found a very smiling Emma looking at them. She was carrying a full hamper, and as soon as she saw Jimmy and Kid, she left the basket on the ground and spread her arms, waiting for the two men to join in her embrace. Kid and Jimmy couldn't help but smile, and straightaway the three of them were hugging after such a long time.

"My boys!" Emma muttered proudly. When they pulled away, the red-haired woman said among giggles, "Let's get inside. We're making a show of ourselves, and I'm now a respectable woman."

She was about to pick up the basket when Kid stopped her. "Let me help you, Emma." Neither he nor Jimmy had missed the fact that the woman was pregnant.

She smiled at Kid, who was already carrying the heavy basket, and suddenly like in an impulse she grabbed him by the arm, stopping him dead in his tracks. He looked at her questioningly, and Emma blurted out unexpectedly, "Has something happened to Lou, Kid?"

The question left Kid completely flabbergasted, and her words scared him to death. "How…?" Kid stuttered, feeling unable to form a coherent thought in words. "What do you know, Emma?" he finally asked.

The woman lowered her eyes, in a clearly expressive gesture. "Oh God," she let out and lifting her gaze to Kid again, she added, "Let's go inside and talk."

Both Jimmy and Kid followed Emma into the house. Kid's heart was beating wildly, dreading what Emma could tell him about Lou. Once inside the house he left the hamper on a table and stood impatiently while Emma took off her coat and hung it next to the front door. Now without the protection of the garment her pregnancy was more than evident. Jimmy stood by Kid's side, also affected by Emma's enigmatic remarks, but he tried not to show it. "When's the baby due, Emma?" he asked.

The reference to her coming baby made Emma smile broadly and she said, "In about four months."

Jimmy smiled and asked again, "So where's Sam?"

"Oh he's taken our son on an outing, you know, to have some special men's time," Emma answered. "They'll be back in a week."

"And he left you here on your own?" Jimmy exclaimed, annoyed at the former marshal of Sweetwater.

Emma let out a peal of laughter and added bemused, "Jimmy, I'm pregnant, not dying." She turned her attention to Kid, who had been silent in all this exchange. Her smile faded seeing his expression, and she sighed audibly. "Why don't you sit down and I'll make us some tea?"

Jimmy grimaced at the drink's reference. When Emma had been taking care of all of them in the Sweetwater station, she had often insisted on serving them the hot beverage, particularly on one of the riders' birthday and for special occasions. Jimmy had never been able to stand that yellowish water called tea. Even its smell made him sick. However, he did not say a word to Emma's offering and sat on the couch next to Kid. Emma appeared a few minutes later bringing a tray with the tea set and sitting down she began serving the beverage to her two boys.

Kid stared at Emma seriously and unable to wait for the woman to speak any longer he blurted out, "What do you know, Emma? What do you know about Lou?"

The woman looked at him gravely, took a sip of her tea and then said, "Nothing really." She paused for a beat and added, "I know you two saw each other after all these years." Kid nodded and Emma asked, "What has happened, Kid?"

"I don't know where she is, Emma. She kind of disappeared," he said with a bitter expression, letting out a sigh, and then he asked, "How did you know …?" He didn't have to finish the sentence as Emma understood what he was asking.

"I've sensed that something wasn't completely right for a while," Emma said, "Something changed, I could notice it in her letters."

"In what sense?" Jimmy asked.

"Well, Louise and I have been writing to each other for years, since I left Sweetwater, almost a lifetime." Emma began, her voice tinged with melancholy. "Her letters had always been a bit like her, there was some kind of freshness, that upright frankness of her, you know what I mean." The two men nodded and Emma continued, "Along the years through her letters I've learned all her good and bad moments, her happiness and her sadness, just everything. But lately …"

"What?" Kid urged her.

"Her letters didn't sound like her at all. The paper was filled with empty words, very long letters that seemed to hide in its lines whatever was troubling Louise. It's like when somebody talks continuously in an attempt to cover their lies." She sighed and added, "Then I had no doubts that something was the matter with Lou when she mentioned meeting you."

"What did she say?" Kid asked. Emma was describing the same sensations he had when he had been with Lou. She had hidden something that had clearly been on her mind all the time. He had known that all along, since that first day he had found her under the rain. That day she hadn't wanted to tell him why she had been straying in a terrible night like that, and Kid realized that Lou hadn't talked about her life in all that time they had shared. He really didn't know the first thing about her, and now he couldn't feel more lost than at this moment.

"Let me get that letter," Emma said as she rose to her feet. She opened a drawer from the cabinet in the lounge and after rummaging inside for a while, she finally found the item. "Under other circumstances I wouldn't dream of showing you any of this, but there's no harm in here." She sank to her seat again and began unfolding the letter. The envelope contained three pages, which Kid instantly recognized Lou's handwriting in, and Emma scanned the sheets through, looking for the specific part she had told them about. "Here it is," she said seriously and began reading Lou's words aloud. "Listen, _'The other day I saw Kid. We kind of bumped into each other and I couldn't be more surprised when I saw him. He owns a ranch not far from where I live and seems to be doing quite good. I'm really happy for him.'_ And then she starts telling me about something else." After finishing reading the text she looked up at the two men meaningfully as she replaced the letter inside its envelope. "Well?"

Jimmy peered at her with a confused expression and said, "I don't get it, Emma. What's wrong in that?"

The woman let out a bitter snort and exclaimed surprised at Jimmy's naiveté, "Wrong? She spends two pages describing in detail how a lady threw a tantrum in that shop she works in and … she writes three lines about the man who she hasn't seen in years and has been waiting for ever since. Three lines, Jimmy!"

"I see," was all Jimmy said, now understanding Emma's point.

Kid remained silent, pondering Emma's words and the events of the past few months in his head. Everything was so confusing. He knew that Lou had always told everything to Emma. When the station mistress had married Sam and left Sweetwater, Lou had clearly complained about not having anybody to talk to, to bring all her problems to. He still knew that she told Emma her problems in her letters. He remembered one particular day that he had caught her writing one of those letters frantically, and he had teased her about wanting to read it. On that occasion Lou had let him know not very delicately that her letters to Emma were forbidden terrain.

Kid felt somebody squeezing his hand comfortingly, which snapped him out of his daydreaming. He looked up and saw Emma, smiling at him encouragingly. "What happened, Kid?"

For the third time Kid explained all the events happening from the night when he had found Lou to the day she had disappeared. Everything was so vivid in his mind that it seemed like yesterday that he had held Lou in his arms when a month had gone by. It seemed like a bad dream which he felt unable to wake from. At some point the magical dream had turned into a nightmare.

When Kid had finished his telling, Jimmy continued, "We think that Rachel's fella might have something to do with the whole thing. He might have some shady dealings, and somehow the girls have been dragged in the middle of this nasty business."

Emma looked at Jimmy but did not say a word. Kid still wasn't sure about his friend's theory. He knew that Lou wouldn't be so naïve as to let anybody trick her into something like that. Deep down he had the feeling that the whole thing was of a more personal matter, something that only concerned Lou. Admittedly, it was disconcerting the fact that Rachel and her husband had escaped in the same way, but he just knew that the one in trouble was Lou, nobody else. What was the problem, unfortunately, he couldn't say or even imagine. He had racked his brains all this time, and nothing had seemed plausible.

"Did she tell you anything about Andrew along these lines?" Kid asked Emma.

Before the woman had time to answer, Jimmy cut her off. "Yeah, sure, Kid. It's like she could say 'By the way, Emma, Rachel's husband is a crooked swindler, and please give my regards to Sam, the territorial marshal," he said sarcastically.

"Jimmy!" Emma scolded him, swatting his hand, a clear remembrance of her days at the Pony Express station in Sweetwater. "Don't be so mean!" Jimmy rolled his eyes and grinned amused at Emma's attitude. No matter that they were adults now, the woman would always treat them as boys. Emma turned to Kid again and answered his question, "Louise just mentioned him briefly. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sorry, Kid."

"Emma, we thought that maybe Sam could get some information regarding this man, if he's in some kind of illegal activity," Jimmy explained, "but now he's gone…"

"Well, he won't be away forever. He's coming back at the end of the week," Emma said.

_A whole week,_ Kid thought ruefully. If Jimmy's hunch wasn't right, they would have been wasting precious time. Even if he were right, and Sam confirmed his suspicions about Andrew, that wouldn't mean that they'd be any nearer to find Lou. "So what do we do now?" Kid finally asked.

The three of them remained in silence for a few minutes, and after that lapse Emma spoke up. "Why don't you go to Sweetwater?"

"Sweetwater?" Kid asked surprised.

The red-haired woman nodded and added, "Teaspoon's there, and I know that he visited them regularly. Maybe he knows something, and even if he doesn't, he has always found the way to solve a situation, hasn't he? Sam can wire you there as soon as he finds out anything."

"Teaspoon's in Sweetwater?" Kid asked again. "I thought Lou told me he was working for Sam."

Emma let out a peal of laughter. "He didn't stay in the job long. Said he wasn't cut out for hobnobbing politicians, so he took over his old job as marshal of Sweetwater."

"Buck's there too," Jimmy added his two cents. Kid clearly remembered that Lou had told him about Buck working on a ranch in Sweetwater, precisely at the old way station. Maybe having Teaspoon and Buck along could change their luck. So far they seemed to still be groping in the dark. Things couldn't get any worse than they already were.

"The more, the better," Emma quipped. At Kid's silence she insisted, "Go to Sweetwater. Everything'll be fine, Kid. You'll see." Finally, Kid caved in and nodded his agreement. They would go to Sweetwater, and he prayed that his odyssey would finish there. He needed to find Lou at any cost as a little voice had begun nagging him inside his head. He had to save her from whatever situation she was in, and in the pit of his stomach he felt that he already was too late.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The streets of Sweetwater were practically deserted, and only a few men were wandering aimlessly after their daily visit to the boisterous saloon. It was the only place that seemed to be alive in the quiet town. It was the last part of the day and the town's daily routine had stopped hours ago. Decent folks were at home with their families, enjoying a hot dinner rewarding them for a hard day's work.

Kid and Jimmy led their horses along the main town street. Kid looked around with curiosity. It had been so long since he had last been in Sweetwater. Nothing much had really changed; everything was as he remembered. The same shops, the same buildings, the only thing that was different was the small telegraph office in the middle of the street, and some new buildings had been added to the small town.

After the war more and more people were coming to the west, and new cities were emerging while the old ones were growing at a blistering pace. Yet, strangely enough, Sweetwater seemed to keep its old identity. The familiar building housing the marshal's office came into view, and both friends eased off their horses just in front of the premises, tethering them on the same spot that they had a long time ago. It seemed odd to be here after so many years. Kid had not seen Teaspoon since he left for the war. It was painful to think how much he had lost for making the wrong decisions. When he had joined the Pony Express, he had found the family he had never had. They had really cared for each other, and the feeling was incomparable to anything. More importantly still, among these people Kid had found the woman he had fallen so hard for. Now all that seemed a very distant memory. He had lost that family of his, and it seemed that he might have lost Lou as well.

There was a faint light coming from inside the marshal's office. The two men approached the place and from the walkway they took a peek inside through the big glass windows. Teaspoon seemed to be in his usual position behind the desk; his hat brim tucked over his eyes and his legs propped up on the table before him. Jimmy chuckled at seeing the old marshal slumbering as was his routine. He nudged his friend and said, "I guess old habits die hard."

Kid couldn't help but grin, and followed Jimmy into the small office. Hickok opened the door raucously, trying to make as much noise as possible. The sounds reached Teaspoon's ears, and he almost fell off his chair at the racket. He reached for his colt hanging on the wall next to him but stopped as his eyes fell on the two figures of those who had been his riders long ago.

"What the hell!" Teaspoon exclaimed, unsure of whether his eyes were acting funny or he was still in the middle of a dream.

"What a welcome we get round here, eh Kid?" Jimmy said jokingly. "We travel for days, and we'd expect more than this."

Kid was grinning amused and added, "You sure are right."

By now Teaspoon had managed to get a grip of himself after the sudden awakening. He rose to his feet and approached the two men. "That's not the way to wake an old man like me. I thought I had taught you two better than that," Teaspoon complained gruffly, but then his mouth twitched into a smile, and he came to hug the two men warmly. "What are you two doing here?" the marshal asked, not being one to beat around the bush.

"We need your help, Teaspoon," Kid said gravely.

"And Buck's could also be handy," Jimmy added.

The seriousness in the two men didn't go unnoticed by the old marshal. This sure wasn't a social visit and problems seemed to have touched his boys. "Something the trouble?" he asked.

Kid cast a glance in Jimmy's direction, and Hickok looked back at his friend with a troubled expression. Then Kid turned his gaze to Teaspoon once more and said in a serious tone, "It's Lou."

* * *

The following day Jimmy, Kid and Teaspoon rode towards the old Pony Express station in Sweetwater. The night before the two former riders got a couple of rooms at the hotel after their conversation with the marshal. Kid did not explain much to Teaspoon as they agreed that they would talk better the next day after a good night's sleep, and when all of them were present, including Buck. As a matter of fact, Kid had to admit that he was exhausted, not only physically but mentally. They had been on the trail for days now and this constant worry was really taking its toll.

The three men reached the little hillock from where their old home could be seen. Nothing much had changed, and Kid felt a lump in his throat as he scanned the property. Sitting on top of his horse, he could see the windmill, which had been the first thing greeting them after a ride, the bunkhouse, which looked much the same as years ago, the barn, the stables and Emma's old white-washed house. Everything was the same, except for some new buildings that had been added to the homestead. In a silly fantasy Kid kind of expected to hear somebody calling "Rider up" as they approached the property.

The place held so many dear memories for Kid that he felt a deep sadness all of a sudden. He looked at the corrals where he and Lou had kissed for the first time, the bunkhouse where he had spent many a sleepless night thinking of her, the stables where they had shared some romantic moments away from curious eyes, the barn where he had proposed to her, leading to their break up. Every little spot in this place reminded him of Lou and all the moments they had lived together. In another silly fantasy he expected to see her appear, smiling and kissing him shyly like she always did after a ride. Unfortunately, the reality was quite different, and all those memories and the notion about Lou's disappearance made Kid's mood sink deeper.

Teaspoon led them to a small one-story house at the far end of the property, obviously a new addition to it. It was very early in the morning and nobody was around. The normal activity at the ranch would begin approximately in an hour. The marshal eased off his horse and gestured the two men to follow suit. They reached the front of the small house, and Teaspoon knocked on the door.

"This is where Buck lives," the marshal said.

After knocking repeatedly a few times they heard a gruff voice saying from the inside, "I'm coming, I'm coming."

There was some ruckus inside the house as if somebody was stumbling over everything on their way to the door. Finally, the front door opened and Buck appeared. He was yawning exaggeratedly, and his attention was focused on the buttons of the shirt he was clumsily trying to do properly. He looked up and when he saw his former boss, he exclaimed annoyed, "For goodness' sake, Teaspoon, can't you choose a more decent hour to call on people?"

Teaspoon chuckled and said, "You boys always got too attached to your beds!" Buck snorted and the marshal added, "I have a surprise for you." Buck looked at the marshal skeptically, not having noticed the presence of his two old bunkmates, who had stayed out of sight. At Teaspoon's words, both men appeared before Buck and there was no doubt that it had been a surprise for his Indian friend. "Kid! Jimmy!" he finally managed to say, "What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story," was all Kid said.

Buck hugged his two friends, who he hadn't seen for such a long time, and added, "Why don't you tell me over some breakfast?"

"That sounds perfect," Jimmy replied as they followed Buck into his house.

"By the way, I have a surprise too," Buck remarked, and as the other two men remained silent expectantly, he said, "Cody's here."

"Cody?" Jimmy asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, boys," Teaspoon said with a big smile.

"Appeared three days ago; seems he's on some leave from the army," Buck explained, and added with a smirk, "Actually you can hear his snores from here. The brute wouldn't wake up even if the whole world exploded."

They all laughed as they followed Buck towards the room where Cody stayed. The snores were getting louder and louder as they came closer to the place. They got into the bedroom and found Cody sprawled on the bed and puffing nosily in his sleep.

"Cody!" Buck called loudly but his blonde friend didn't even stir. "Cody!" he tried again, this time jerking him energetically.

Cody grunted and taking hold of Buck's arm sleepily as if in a hug he mumbled groggily, "Let me sleep a bit more, baby."

"Cody!" Buck barked annoyed and yanked his arm free, almost making Cody fall off the bed. Teaspoon and the other two men laughed raucously at the exchange between his two other friends.

His almost fall woke Cody up completely and it was then that his eyes fell on the two new arrivals. "Kid? Jimmy?" he exclaimed, "Is it really you or am I still dreaming?"

"Shut up, Cody, and dress up!" Buck ordered, throwing the clothes scattered around the room at him. He was tired of Cody's indolent attitude as his guest. He was even considering sending him packing if he continued like this. "You'll hear everything over breakfast."

The sole mention of food made Cody sit up quickly, and he began dressing hurriedly, "Those are wise words, my friend," he said with a big smile. "Finally you seem to have learnt something in all these years."

Buck shook his head and grunting he left the room followed by the others. One of these days he would kill Cody and his obnoxious big mouth. His well-known attitudes seemed to grow bigger as he grew older, which was absolutely unbearable.

Half an hour later they finished getting breakfast ready. The men sat around the kitchen table as Buck poured steaming coffee into the tin cups. "So are you going to tell us now why you're here?" Buck asked.

Kid and Jimmy interchanged meaningful looks, and after a beat the blue-eyed rancher muttered. "It's Lou. She … she's disappeared," he finally managed to say.

"Lou?" Cody exclaimed. "How come? What the hell have you done this time to drive your wife away, Kid?"

Kid looked at Cody as if he were nuts. "My wife?"

"What are you babbling about, Cody?" Jimmy whizzed in the same tone.

"Lou and I never got married," Kid said, annoyed at Cody's remark.

"Are you still dreaming, Cody?" Jimmy continued, shaking his head at his friend's foolery.

Cody just shrugged his shoulders and added with a pensive expression, "I just thought…"

He couldn't finish his sentence as Jimmy cut him off, and giving a hard push to his friend's face he added, "Keep dreaming, Cody, and shut up."

Despite the bickering between Cody and Jimmy, Buck couldn't erase Kid's words from his mind. "Lou's disappeared, Kid?" he asked as if in shock. His friend nodded and Buck asked again, "When?"

"Over a month ago," Kid answered.

The men in the room remained silent, pondering Kid's words in their minds. Finally, it was Teaspoon who broke the silence and asked, "What happened, son?"

Kid sighed audibly and began to tell everything that had happened between him and Lou and her unexpected flit. It was the fourth time that he had to tell his account, and he wondered if it would be the last one. He had no idea where this search would lead him to. They hadn't found out anything so far, and Kid was already feeling very tired. Lou was somewhere, but so far he had been unable to find the smallest clue.

"She just left like that?" Buck asked, surprised at what his friend had told them. Kid nodded and Buck questioned again, "And no word? No letters?"

"Nothing at all," Kid muttered.

"It is really odd, indeed," Teaspoon admitted, deep in thought.

Kid turned to the old marshal and asked, "Teaspoon, did you hear from them at all lately?"

The old man kept thoughtful, and after a few moments he said, "Since Rachel's wedding I had promised to visit them, but never found the moment. Well, about two months ago I wrote to tell Rachel that I'd call on them in the following week, but she wrote me back telling me that it wasn't a good time for them, and she'd let me know when I could go next."

Kid turned two surprised eyes towards him. "Did she forbid you to go?" he asked with a shocked expression.

"Well, I wouldn't put it like that," Teaspoon retorted. "She…"

"You see, Kid?" Jimmy added, cutting the marshal off in mid-sentence. "I'm right." Kid cast him an incredulous look as his friend continued. "Rachel didn't want Teaspoon there because he's the law."

The marshal and the two others seemed to be lost at the meaning behind Jimmy's words. "One moment, Jimmy," Teaspoon said. "What are you talking about? Right about what?"

"Jimmy has this idea that Rachel's husband's behind all this," Kid explained.

"And I know I'm right. Teaspoon, I'm sure he's in trouble with the law and has somehow involved the girls in his stuff." Jimmy continued and began telling the boys and Teaspoon about his suspicions regarding Rachel's husband, based on what Kid had told him.

"I admit that Jimmy might be right there," Buck said, seeing the reason behind his friend's argument.

"I really can't tell. I don't know the man that much," the marshal added.

"You see, Kid? Seems nobody knows anything about him. He's hiding something, I'm sure," Jimmy said convincingly.

"Sam's gonna wire us straightaway if he finds out something against him," Kid said, "But I really don't know. Nothing makes much sense."

"Sincerely, the man didn't cut me as the dishonest type when I first met him," Teaspoon admitted. "And Jimmy, don't let your stubbornness blind ya. There might be some other reason for Louise's flit."

"Yeah," Cody spoke for the first time, rubbing his chin in a thoughtful way. "I got it," he exclaimed after a while, "they might be escaping from some band who's trying to blackmail Lou or Rachel."

"Blackmail?" Buck asked, looking at his friend as if he were out of his mind. "About what?"

Cody shrugged his shoulders and muttered, "I don't know, but all women have their share of secrets."

"I see you still read the same fascinating and constructive literature," Jimmy snorted sarcastically.

Kid remained silent and didn't even try to say anything to Cody's far-fetched theory. In a way, his friend was right: Lou did have her share of secrets, and that was the reason why he was in this crazy hunt. Somehow Kid hoped that Jimmy's suspicions proved to be right. If that was the case, he would find a way to help her out of whatever fix she was in with Teaspoon's and the boys' help. But if, as he strongly suspected, Jimmy's theory led them to nothing, Kid didn't know where he would go from there. There might be other reasons for Lou's disappearance, but if they had to trust Cody's instincts on that, they would certainly be lost.

Kid sighed audibly and shaking his head to clear his mind from bleak thoughts he added with a cracked voice, "I'm living a real nightmare, Teaspoon."

"I reckon you are," the marshal said sadly, but then he exclaimed encouragingly, "But now we're in it with you, son. We'll find Lou."

Kid tried to smile, but he failed miserably. "I hope so," he muttered, fixing his attention on the mug of coffee before him. He was beginning to lose all the hope that he could hear in Teaspoon's voice.

"We'll wait for Sam's telegram and only then we'll worry about the next step," the marshal said, leaving the four men in the room deep in thought.

* * *

After having fixed what to do about Lou's situation, Teaspoon and his former riders enjoyed a good chat, in which they exchanged bits and snippets of each one's life in the last years. Kid was the one who had almost no contact with his former bunkmates and boss. The realization that the war had broken all his ties to the people who he had considered his brothers filled him with an immense sadness. His regret about his wrong decisions didn't stop pestering him. However, after all those years apart, now that they were together, it seemed like nothing had changed, that they were still the same. He could see in Teaspoon's eyes that he felt the same way. He was beaming proudly to have his boys all together. But not all his "boys" were here. Apart from Noah and Ike who had died so long ago, Lou wasn't here and she should be. She was the reason for the reunion he had talked about a short while ago, and she had promised him it would take place but she wasn't even here to share the moment with him.

After breakfast was over, Buck offered to show Kid around the ranch that the old way station had turned into. Now the place had come to life, and Kid could see the ranch in full activity. He looked around in awe. The place seemed to be so familiar and so strange at the same time. Kid had the odd sensation that he belonged here, that he was part of all this. After all, he had lived the most beautiful moments of all his life in this very place.

"Your boss is really doing great, Buck," Kid admitted after visiting the whole ranch. He had always noticed that the old station had a great potential, and it was clear that the new owners were making the most of it.

Now the marshal and the four men were at the corral admiring the beautiful horses walking around, in much the same way that they had done dozens of times when the place was a Pony Express station.

"You got yourself your own ranch, don't ya, Kid?" Cody asked.

Kid nodded and added, "But something much more modest."

"You're the modest one," Jimmy intervened. "Your ranch is just great, Kid."

The blue-eyed man smiled proudly and just said, "I can't complain. But admittedly, this place is really outstanding. Maybe on another occasion I could have a word with your boss, Buck, and we can exchange ideas."

Buck laughed and said, "Yeah, on another occasion. Now's not the best moment. His wife's expecting their first baby any day now and he's fussing over her so much that he's driving her crazy. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes having to put up with her anger."

"Kind of reminds me of somebody we all know," Teaspoon remarked, making the other men guffaw raucously, but Kid remained quiet, feeling embarrassed and awkward at Teaspoon's words. He tried to direct the conversation to something else.

"Lord, all women I come across are either expecting or having babies."

On hearing Kid, Cody frowned as if an idea had struck him suddenly. "Maybe that's what's happening to Lou."

"What are you talking about, Cody?" Jimmy asked almost running out of patience and dreading his friend's answer.

"Maybe Lou's pregnant," Cody answered, beaming proudly at his train of thought, "and that might be the reason of her vanishing."

"Oh Gosh," Buck grunted annoyed.

"Do you ever give a thought to what's in your mind before speaking up, Cody?" Teaspoon chided really irritated. It was clear that Kid was taking all this business very hard, and it didn't help him any if Cody couldn't control his imagination and big mouth.

"But I might be right," Cody stated, not feeling discouraged in the least by his friend's remarks and hints. "Lou might have gotten into trouble, you know," he gestured to his middle in an exaggerated fashion. "And imagine that Rachel and her fella can't have children of their own for some reason. They disappear for a few months and when they come back, they're the proud parents of a baby." Seeing the incredulous looks around him Cody continued, "It happened to some neighbors of ours when I was a kid. The eldest daughter and her mother went away for months, and when they were seen next, Mrs. Porter presented her sixth child to the world. Mind you, nobody was fooled; the baby was as red-haired as the boy who used to hang about with the girl."

Jimmy shook his head, Buck rolled his eyes and Teaspoon had a scowl on his face expressing his irritation. Only Kid spoke up, after listening patiently to Cody's tale. "Lou's not pregnant." He knew that much. She was as thin as ever, even thinner and she hadn't changed a bit in all the time they had been together. "I was with her all that time and I'd have noticed any changes in her." He was beginning to get tired of Cody's foolery. He didn't feel in the mood nor had the patience to hear any more of that. He didn't even know why he bothered to answer his friend.

"And Cody, Lou's not a fifteen-year-old little girl," Teaspoon added. "She's a grown-up woman and if that was the case, she wouldn't have to hide."

Cody began to feel irritated by his friends' obvious lack of trust in him. He was an army officer, and in his profession he came face to face with all kinds of trouble. He knew life and surely he knew better than two ranchers and a drifter like Jimmy Hickok. "Well, Lou's hiding, Teaspoon, and there's a reason for it," Cody finally said with a resolute stance.

Despite his far-fetched theories Cody was right again, Kid thought. It was clear that when Lou had left without telling him, she was determined not to be found. In that case, they might never be able to locate her despite everybody's good intentions. Kid knew how clever she was, and he was sure that she would have known that he wouldn't sit idle while she vanished. No, it wouldn't be easy and the notion of not finding her, of not seeing her beautiful face again filled him with great dread. He knew that he had to think positively now that he had his friends' help, but the nagging feeling was coursing all over him. The boys and Teaspoon were still talking by his side, but he couldn't hear their words any more. His mind was in a haze and he felt like crying right now. He was frantic and needed to leave the place at this very moment; he couldn't stay. "I need to be alone," Kid finally managed to say and to everybody's astonishment he ran towards his horse as if the devil was after him.

* * *

It wasn't a week, but ten days later that they had received the expected telegram from Sam. For Kid it had seemed like ages, as he had felt unnerved and jittery by all that waiting. As empty days had passed one by one, he couldn't help but think that they were wasting precious time, doing absolutely nothing. In Sweetwater he really didn't have anything to do, most of the time, he hung around Jimmy and the rest in Teaspoon's office. During all these days he and Jimmy had offered the marshal to help in his daily duties, and he had accepted. The town was really peaceful and little more than locking up the usual local boisterous drunks had to be done, but Kid welcomed anything that could keep him busy and distracted. Not that his thoughts wandered anywhere but to Lou, but at least that activity had stopped him from going completely mad.

The day the telegram arrived Teaspoon and his four "boys" were sitting just outside the marshal's office, watching the people going by in their daily routine. The five men stayed in companionable silence, but the moment was broken as heavy steps were heard running along the walkway. The men turned their attention to the sounds that showed that somebody was in a heck of a hurry, and they saw Tommy, the telegraph assistant's little son, running towards them. He reached them breathlessly and silently flapped the piece of paper to the men.

Every day Kid had continuously gone to the telegraph office to check if Sam's wire had arrived despite the assistant's assurances that he would be notified as soon as it was received. So nothing needed to be said, as everybody knew what the paper the boy was holding contained. Kid rose to his feet and snatched the wire from Tommy's grasp, avid to finally finish this nerve-wrecking waiting. He turned silently from the boy and led his steps to the small office, his eyes fixed on the paper and without uttering a single word to anybody.

"Thank you, Tommy." Teaspoon ruffled the boy's hair affectionately and gave him a couple of coins. "Don't spend everything on candy or your ma will have my hide."

Seeing the coins the boy's face lit up with a gap-toothed smile and he exclaimed, "Why, thank you, Sir." He shoved the coins into his trousers pocket and ran off in the same way he had first arrived.

Teaspoon proceeded to enter his office after the boys had done so before him. Kid's back was to him, and in a few decisive steps the marshal came to stand face to face with the blue-eyed man. He was staring at the paper in his hands, his shoulders stooped. When he noticed Teaspoon's presence next to him, Kid looked up and shook his head morosely. He handed the marshal the paper and heavily dropped on the chair he had been doing his thinking all week on. "There's nothing against him," Kid finally said.

Teaspoon sat down on his usual seat behind the desk while the rest took positions around the small office, all pondering the last piece of news.

"That doesn't mean he's not trouble," Jimmy insisted. He had been so sure that they were on the right track. Anyway, the fact that the law didn't have anything against Rachel's husband didn't mean that the man was clean of all blame.

"Please, Jimmy, drop it. Your intuition hasn't gotten us anywhere," Kid said gruffly. He was feeling so frustrated right now that he couldn't bear Jimmy trying to prove that he was still right. Kid knew that Jimmy and the others didn't see the matter in the same light as he did. They were worried about Lou, but Kid was sure that they didn't realize how serious the situation really was. He didn't even know how to make them understand; not even he could understand the fear nagging him at the pit of his stomach. He just knew that Lou was in some kind of danger, and they weren't doing anything to help her.

Kid sighed deeply and asked, "So what do we do now?"

"You'll have to consider other possibilities," Cody said.

"Don't begin with your crazy ideas, Cody," Kid spat annoyed.

"I didn't mean it like that," Cody retorted, "But we need to think of following another lead."

Kid looked at his friend; an apology in his eyes. He really felt in a foul mood, and there was no excuse to throw his frustration to his friends. Everybody even Cody just wanted to help.

The five men remained silent and after a while Kid exclaimed, "I just don't know."

"What about that fella your housekeeper saw Lou with?" Buck remarked.

"What about him?" Kid asked.

"Well, there might be something in there to go on," Buck offered.

"Buck's right, Kid," Jimmy added, "after all, you said she lied to you over that man."

Kid nodded, remembering the events that Jimmy was talking about. He really never learnt what all that had been about. Rachel had made him believe that Lou was away on some business of Andrew's, but it had been a lie. He really didn't know why she had kept away from him all that week. He had never tried to learn the truth when things had got sorted out between them; he had been too blissfully happy to do anything to ruin it, but he had always felt that there was more than met the eye in all those circumstances. It was at that time that he had seen those bruises on her forearm. Back then he had been happy with her explanation about the buckboard reins, but could there be a link there with her disappearance? Maybe the truth was right before his eyes, but still he seemed too blind to see anything.

"So what do you know about that fella?" Cody's question snapped Kid out of his reverie.

"Not even his name," Kid said gravely. "Apparently, he's a friend of Andrew's."

"Andrew?" Jimmy exclaimed. "You see, Kid? Him again. The man's in the middle of it. I'm sure we've always been in the right path."

"Jimmy…" Kid warned, looking daggers at his friend.

"Don't you see?" Jimmy insisted. "We just have to find Rachel's fella. He's the key to all this."

Kid was about to retort when Teaspoon, who had remained silent in all this exchange, spoke up. "I reckon Jimmy's right."

"But, Teaspoon, we have evidence that he's not doing anything illegal. I'm not going on a wild goose chase," Kid protested vehemently.

"Hold your horses, Kid," the marshal tried to calm tempers down. "I say that maybe your perspective of the whole matter has been wrong from the beginning."

"How come?" Kid asked with a scowl.

"Well, you've reasonably been lookin' for Louise," the marshal began, "and you've spoken to all the people who really know Lou and nobody knows a thing." He paused a moment, checking that he had everybody's attention and continued after a beat, "But I think that somebody as business-like as Andrew Basset has necessarily to have some contact in the city where he has his dealings; there must be somebody actin' as a link between wherever he is and his businesses. So I say we go back to Meringdon and look for Andrew himself or his contacts. Wherever he is, we'll find Lou and Rachel."

The four men stayed in silence for a few moments and Cody was the first to speak up. "Teaspoon, even at your age you're still as sharp as ever," Cody quipped happily.

"Mind your words, boy. I ain't old, just maturely advanced," the marshal growled unhappily and turning to Kid, he asked, "So what do you say?"

Kid looked at him straight in the eyes and said, "When can we leave?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

After taking care of a few things Teaspoon and his "boys" got ready to go back to the starting point from where Kid's odyssey had begun. He hadn't counted on having all his old friends along. Teaspoon had left one of his deputies in charge of the town, and Buck had been able to get some days off from the ranch. Under other circumstances Kid would have beamed happily to be riding with all his dear friends again after such a long time, but nothing could snap him out of his present mood. He wasn't closer to finding Lou, and that was all he cared about now. The days were passing, and he had already lost count of the time that Lou had been away from him. Too long anyway, too dangerously long.

It took them a few days to get from Sweetwater to Kid's place. Before heading for the city they decided to stop by the ranch and freshen up after the long and dusty ride. Besides, Kid needed to see to a few matters at his home. He had been gone too long, and he had to check that everything was running smoothly.

After having taken care of everything and having a bite, which was more than that in Cody's case, they set off for the city. They reached there in no time and rode their horses through the busy streets. They had thought that it would be sensible to drop by Rachel's house first. Even though Kid had somebody checking the house every couple of days, he needed to see for himself if everything was still the same. One look at the place, and he would know if somebody had been there in all the time he had been away.

They slowed their horses to a trot as they rode among the city streets. On their way to Rachel's house they passed over the bridge where Kid had found Lou for the first time months ago. Today everything was so different. It was in the middle of the afternoon, and the sun was shining bright above; not a single cloud threatening the gleaming atmosphere. Kid looked at the very spot where he had seen Lou that night, but of course today she wasn't there.

For a moment his imagination brought him back to those magical moments. The rain had turned the night into an even darker vault, and Lou had been like a mirage, like a dreamy vision. Had he dreamed all that and she had vanished like all visions? He was beginning to think crazy and remembering that night was making Kid feel a great sadness all of a sudden. _'You never told me what you were doing under the rain that night,'_ Kid uttered mentally and he realized that she hadn't been sincere with him from the very first moment_. 'What is going on with your life, Lou, that you need to be so secretive?' _All these questions popped in his mind and sadly, he did not have any answers.

By then they had reached the square and led the horses towards the property. No sooner had Kid eased off his horse that he realized that something was definitely different. He approached and noticed that the lock was gone, and the gate was slightly ajar. Even the post box was empty of all the letters that had been piling for weeks and had shown through its slot. Kid's heart was beating wildly in anticipation and turning round to the others that were behind him he exclaimed, "They're back! She's back!"

Without waiting for their answer, Kid ran all the way up the path towards the house, feeling completely excited, and when he reached the porch he knocked heavily. The others were behind him soon, and Teaspoon patted his back affectionately, feeling happy for him. After a few minutes the door opened and to Kid's surprise the person appearing before his eyes wasn't one he had expected. It was a middle-aged woman with a chubby face, framed by two long jet-black braids. She was wearing a white embroidered loose blouse with a matched skirt, and all her attire and air suggested that the woman came from the bordering Mexico.

Before Kid or anyone else could say a word, the lady said with a very thick accent, "No one home."

Kid felt his hopes dash as he heard the woman, but then he wondered if this woman could tell them something about Lou's whereabouts. It was clear that she was some kind of helping hand in Rachel's household, and she sure had to know something. "Ma'am," he began, "my name's Kid and these men here and I are old friends of the family. It's really urgent for us to locate Miss McCloud or Mr. and Mrs. Basset."

The woman stared at him with a blank expression and repeated, "No one home."

Kid looked at her with an annoyed expression and watched the woman trying to close the door under his own nose, but Kid was quicker and put a restraining hand on the heavy door. "Wait!" he shouted.

The action made the woman feel alarmed and threatened by this strange bunch of people. She tried to push Kid out of her way while she barked, visibly upset, "¡Fuera de aquí ahorita, pelado!"

Kid did not understand the words that the woman began throwing at him, but he could guess that by her tone they were far from flattery. "I just want to know where they are, please!" he almost pleaded but the woman kept pushing him with an astonishing strength.

"I think she doesn't understand a word you're saying, Kid," Teaspoon said behind him and coming next to him he added, "Please let me try." As the woman instantly saw the badge pinned on the old man's shirt, she relaxed and stopped pushing Kid forcefully. The marshal tipped his hat at her and the lady nodded at him politely. The other boys tried to contain their laugh at Teaspoon's exaggerated mannerism.

"Can you really speak Spanish, Teaspoon?" Cody asked skeptically and amused at the same time.

The older man looked at his former riders sideways with a serious face and said, "Better than you, boys. I fought in Mexico, remember? And now stop messing around and let a man work!" He tipped his hat to the woman again and smiled at her broadly in an attempt to show her that their intentions here were friendly. The lady looked at him with a puzzled expression, not having a clue what those men wanted from her. Then Teaspoon spoke, pronouncing every word very slowly, and in a louder tone than usual, "MR. ANDREW BASSET?"

The Mexican woman stared at him for a few moments and then asked, "¿Don Andrés?"

Teaspoon bobbed his head up and down affirmatively, and then he began gesticulating, throwing his hands to the air, to convey the meaning to his next question, "Where?"

The woman shrugged her shoulders, showing that she did not know a thing of the whereabouts of her boss. The marshal nodded his thanks, and finally the lady could close the door and return to her chores.

Teaspoon turned to the four men that were looking at him with skeptical faces. "She doesn't know anything," the marshal stated seriously.

"We could tell as much, Teaspoon," Jimmy exclaimed annoyed as they made their way out of the property.

Cody caught up with them and looked at the marshal with a mocking expression. Teaspoon peered at him, not liking the amusement he saw in his eyes. "What now, Cody?" he asked.

"You didn't sound very fluent to me back there, Teaspoon," Cody quipped, unable to hide his smirk. "Actually, you didn't sound fluent at all."

The marshal snorted, not very fond of being the center of Cody's teasing. "I'm a bit rusty, that's all," Teaspoon answered gruffly.

"Rusty? That's what my horse always says when I try to talk to him," Buck added, which sent the other two men laughing while Teaspoon glared at them, obviously not amused by his remark at all.

Kid had fallen back while Teaspoon and the three other men led their way out. Once again his hopes had been shattered. He had felt so excited when he had thought that Lou was back, and now he was in the same position again. Will this search continue for ever? Will he have to admit eventually that he couldn't find Lou and give up? He hoped that the situation wouldn't get that bad, because it would mean that he would be giving up on Lou and that was the last thing he would do.

* * *

After their visit to Rachel's house, the five men rode their horses towards the little shop where Lou had been working. It was the only link that could lead them in some direction. Kid admitted that somehow Jimmy was right. They did not really know anything about Andrew. Even though Kid had some animated conversations with the man, they hadn't really talked about his businesses or anything important. He only knew that he owned that ladies' shop, and that was just because Lou had been employed there. He prayed that they could find something. The few times he had gone to the place the girls working there hadn't been especially cooperative, but maybe this time they'd be luckier.

Teaspoon and his men left the horses just outside the shop and made their way inside. The times Kid had stepped into the place, he had attracted the attention of everybody present; now there were five men, and nobody missed their presence and all looks were instantly on them. One of the girls who Kid had first talked to came towards them and didn't look very pleased at all. "I already told you several times Louise's not here and hasn't been lately," she said addressing Kid, "and now if you would kindly leave, please."

"One moment," Kid decided to stand his ground and wouldn't leave till he found out what he came for.

"This is not a place for men," the young lady insisted annoyed, "you're scaring our customers away."

"Miss," Teaspoon spoke up, "I'm Marshal Teaspoon Hunter from Sweetwater, and I would like to ask you a few questions. We won't disturb you more than what's strictly necessary."

The girl gazed at the old marshal coldly, and with a nod she gestured the men to follow her into the shop office. She turned to them closing the door behind her and said, "We can talk here, but as I already told you, I don't know anything about Louise." Eyeing Teaspoon suspiciously she added, "especially if she has some dishonorable deals with the law."

"Lou's not…," Kid snapped but Teaspoon cut him off.

"Let's calm down here," the marshal said, "I ain't suggestin' that Louise's in that kind of situation, Miss…"

"Curtis," the girl answered.

"Actually, Miss Curtis, we're lookin' for Mr. Basset," Teaspoon explained.

"Mr. Basset?" she repeated surprised and added, "he hasn't been around here for quite a while. He doesn't come here very often as it is."

"When was the last time you saw him?" Kid asked.

"Over a month ago, I guess, maybe longer," she answered.

"Then who takes care of the red tape?" Teaspoon asked and seeing the girl's questioning face, he explained, "you know, who's in charge of the shop's accounts, the pay…"

"Oh, that's Mr. Rogers," the lady answered.

"Who's this Mr. Rogers?" Kid asked again, tension in his voice. He was running out of patience with this girl's curt answers.

"He's a lawyer that looks after Mr. Basset's businesses," she said with a stiff manner.

"Do you know where we can find this lawyer?" Jimmy questioned.

"Maybe," the young lady retorted, her eyes shining with a halo of satisfaction to see the men's drawn expressions. It gave her some strange pleasure to have certain power over these gentlemen.

Her answer was all Kid needed to lose the little patience he had left. He was tired after the long weeks and the fruitless search. He took a few decisive steps towards her and barked, "Look here, Missy, I'm just damn tired of your games. You're now going to tell me where we can find this Rogers or I'll forget I'm a gentleman."

The angered words from Kid startled the girl, who had never expected this outburst from the quiet man. She took a piece of paper from a cabinet and wrote something on it. "Here's the address where his office is," she said meekly, looking nervously at the men around her.

Kid grabbed the paper roughly and tipping his head gentleman-like he added, "Thank you again." He and the rest didn't wait for an answer as they filed out of the room and the shop straightway.

It didn't take them long to reach the point in the city where the lawyer had his quarters. The sun was low on the horizon, and the streets were busy with people getting ready to go back home after a hard day's work. Mr. Rogers' office was on the second floor of a very old stone building. The place wasn't praiseworthy as the smell of dampness lingered in the air, and the walls were cracked and stained in different parts in the inside. As they stepped in the office, they found a small waiting room where there was a quite young lady with a severe air, who they all assumed was the lawyer's secretary.

Teaspoon approached the desk where the woman was busy writing and cleared his throat to get her attention. The lady looked up with an expression that showed that she wasn't happy to be disturbed in her duties.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, I'm Marshal Teaspoon Hunter and these men here are my deputies," Teaspoon began and the lady nodded her head in acknowledgement. "We'd like to see Mr. Rogers. It's rather urgent," he said, indicating the door behind the secretary with a nod, which obviously led to the lawyer's private office.

"I'm afraid that can't be," the lady stated coldly and turned her attention back to her papers.

"Why not?" Cody asked seriously.

"Mr. Rogers is very busy right now," she answered without even looking up.

Kid was getting more and more irritated by the minute. It seemed that wherever they went, nobody seemed eager to help them. All these weeks without knowing a thing about Lou were taking their toll on him. He thumped his hand down on the desk heavily, startling the young lady, who looked at him disconcerted.

"Listen, we're going to see Mr. Rogers whether you like it or not," Kid barked. "So you'd better let your boss know we're here."

Kid's words didn't seem to taunt the lady and she glared at him while she said in an angered tone, "I already told you that Mr. Rogers is busy at the moment and won't receive anybody. You can make an appointment to see him sometime this week or the next one."

Kid had stopped listening to the woman in the middle of her speech and gestured the others to follow him as they burst into the office decidedly. The lady was almost shouting after them as they pushed into the room, "You can't go in there! I'll send the law after you!"

The five men did not pay any heed to her words, but on hearing the last part Jimmy turned to her and said, smirking proudly, "We are the law, Ma'am." His comment did nothing but anger her even more and she continued yelling at the men regardless of already being in the presence of her boss.

The lawyer was sitting at his desk when the group burst into the office, followed by the hysterical woman. The man jumped to his feet and exclaimed, "What the hell is going on in here?"

Teaspoon stood in front of him and stretched his hand in greeting. "Mr. Rogers, I'm Marshal Hunter and these men are my deputies," he repeated the same introduction that he had uttered to the secretary.

The man shook his hand reluctantly as the woman behind them was saying in a very high pitched tone, "I already told these gentlemen that you can't receive them today, Sir, but …"

"It's all right, Bertha," the lawyer cut her off, "I'll take care of this." With these words the lady stormed off, feeling a bit betrayed by her boss, and shut the door behind her. "What can I do for you, Marshal?" Rogers asked.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions," Teaspoon explained.

The lawyer eyed the five men suspiciously and muttered, "Marshal Hunter, I don't see any badges on any of your men."

"That's none of your business," Jimmy spat annoyed. He really did not like the man, and had never trusted one of those lawyers. In his own experience they were the kind of men that became wealthy by other people's misfortunes.

"Jimmy!" Teaspoon warned, casting a cautious look in his direction. "Well, actually, this is a personal matter," the marshal added, addressing the lawyer once more.

Mr. Rogers sank down on his leather chair, stretching his legs before him. "I'm all ears," he said, looking at Teaspoon expectantly.

"We'd like to know the whereabouts of Mr. Andrew Basset, "the marshal explained. "We know for sure that you take care of his businesses in his absence."

"That's true," the lawyer admitted, "but I'm afraid the information you're looking for is reserved."

"This is a pressing matter," Cody insisted, not being deterred by the man's last words. "We're kind of family of his wife and Miss McCloud, and we need to locate them urgently."

"Miss Louise?" the lawyer asked with a stupefied expression.

"Do you know her?" came Kid's quick question, feeling a feeble ray of hope on the horizon. Maybe this man could really help them to find Lou directly.

Rogers cleared his throat and looking away, he said, trying to sound casual, "Yeah, … well … she used to work in that little shop and Andrew … I mean Mr. Basset has had me over his house a few times and … well… she lives there."

"Do you know where she is?" Kid asked again, feeling his nerves taking over.

The man looked down and focused his attention on the white paper planted before him. "I'm afraid not," he muttered curtly. "Haven't seen her for a while," he added, justifying his previous answer.

"But you know where Andrew Basset is," Teaspoon reminded him, "So I advise you to provide us with that information."

"And I tell you I can't reveal any of my client's personal details," the man answered in an unfriendly tone. "And anyway, what's the important matter?"

"It's a family thing," Buck remarked with a stiff expression.

By now Jimmy was tired of the lawyer's games. Not only did he dislike the man, but also he felt that he was making them waste their time. His mood took the better of him, and without giving it a second thought Jimmy drew his gun and grabbing the man by the jacket he held the weapon against his neck. He pulled the trigger slowly and said in a menacing low voice, "If you don't tell us where the man is, you'll have something more personal to think about."

Nobody tried to stop Jimmy and seeing the seriousness in his voice the lawyer's expression changed from cool security to one of sheer panic. "He's in a small inn four hours away from here going east. You can't miss it," he finally managed to say in a shivering voice.

Jimmy released him, and with a strong shove he sent the man against the wall behind him. Teaspoon and the other men were already on their way out, and Hickok followed them, but before stepping out of the room he turned around towards the lawyer who hadn't moved from his dejected position against the wall yet. He pointed at the man with his finger purposely and said, "If you fool us, we'll come back." The lawyer did not say a word and knew that the man meant business.

Hickok followed the others outside and coming next to Kid he patted him on the back. "You see, Kid? I told you we'd find her."

Kid smiled feebly. "We haven't found her yet, Jimmy," he reminded his friend. He did not want to get his hopes too high and then be disappointed again. "But I bet that Rogers even knows where Lou is."

"Yeah, you're right," Buck remarked. "I'm sure he knows more than he let on."

"Hell, in this whole matter people either know nothing or hide something," Cody added.

Kid sighed, admitting that his friend had just hit the nail on the head. He still didn't understand why it was getting so difficult to find Lou. All the people who were close to her didn't know a thing about the matter, but this lawyer seemed to have more information about her and wasn't willing to talk. The question that was now nagging him was what they were trying to hide and why.

"It's been like this since the beginning," Kid admitted ruefully, "but I just don't know why."

Noticing the pain in Kid's voice, Teaspoon squeezed his shoulder encouragingly and said, "Come on, Kid. We've got something to go on. Think positively."

Kid knew that the marshal was right. Finally, they had something, a little something; they knew where Andrew was, so Lou was bound to be at that address as well or not very far from it. He should be happy about this new step, but he was beginning to feel uneasy. He didn't know why, but a cold feeling was coursing his whole body all of a sudden. Somehow he sensed that something was terribly wrong. However, Kid nodded at Teaspoon's words and tried to smile.

"We'll set off first thing in the morning, boys," the marshal said and the four men around him agreed. The sun had set, and the city was now covered with a dark night sky. The place where Rachel's husband was supposed to be was four hours away and, even though they were all eager to set off right now, they couldn't burst in on the man in the middle of the night.

Kid nodded at Teaspoon's words as he knew that it was the right thing to do. He was very nervous, and the uneasiness that had set in his stomach was coursing all over him. He tried to shush the irrational fears that were invading his mind, telling him they would be too late. He didn't know why, but he was sure. They were too damn late.

* * *

The sun wasn't up yet when Teaspoon and his former riders were readying themselves to ride out again. The night before they had been able to relax some; Ruth had fixed a scrumptious dinner to everybody's delight. They had even shared some laughs. The notion that the following day they would be closer to finding Lou had brought them some peace of mind. But not for Kid. The uneasiness he had begun feeling early in the evening hadn't faded at all. He couldn't smile, he couldn't laugh, he had just felt unable to enjoy his friend's company and easy conversation. He was in a foul mood, snappy and edgy apparently for no apparent reason, and he couldn't find any explanation for this odd feeling invading him. He should be hopeful because now they had a clue to find Lou, and he should try to think positively, as Teaspoon had told him. Kid just couldn't get over his irrational fears and feeling that his sullen mood was making everybody uncomfortable, at the first opportunity he had, he excused himself and retired for the night.

In the morning Kid did not feel much better, but knowing that they would be riding out today gave him something to focus on. Maybe with his mind occupied on something he could get a grip of himself. If the directions the lawyer had given them were correct, they would find Andrew and hopefully it would lead them to wherever Lou was. Kid looked around his foyer and saw that his friends were ready to leave. He took his hat and coat from a hanger, and then he noticed somebody patting him on the back affectionately. He looked over his shoulder and realized it was Teaspoon. "Son, you all right?"

Kid just nodded, not trusting his own voice. He felt terrible to have his friends worry about him. They had not voiced their worries till now, but Kid knew that his present mood had everybody wondering what was wrong with him now. He still felt far from all right, but nodding was the only thing he could do at the moment. He didn't have anything else to say. What could he say when he didn't really understand what was wrong with him?

"We'll find her," Teaspoon reiterated the general feeling, smiling encouragingly.

"I hope so," Kid said through clenched teeth. Those words sounded so empty and meaningless. He wasn't sure whether it was because of the barren search for weeks or whether he had really lost all hope. He was feeling so cold inside, and he knew that it had nothing to do with the low temperature in the room.

In that moment there was a knock at the door and Kid exclaimed irritated, "What now?" Whoever was at the door seemed to be in a heck of urgency as they kept rapping insistently.

Casting an exasperated look at his friends, Kid stomped across his foyer towards the front door. He flung it open in an angered fit, decided to give a piece of his mind to whoever was bothering with all the heavy knocking. "What the hell…?" he snapped but stopped mid-sentence when he saw the person appearing before his eyes. "Rachel," Kid uttered dazzled, not believing his eyes. He looked over her shoulder, hopefully trying to locate the person who had occupied his troubled mind all these weeks.

"Don't look for her," Rachel cracked in a broken voice, almost in a whisper.

Kid stared at her, and for the first time he noticed her disheveled appearance. Her eyes were red and puffy, which contrasted with the extreme paleness of her face. Rachel looked much in the same way as in that occasion when she had excused her appearance as the result of a sleepless night and a splitting headache. This time, though, Kid could bet that a headache wasn't the reason of Rachel's unkempt looks. Even a fool could see that she had been crying, and right now she seemed to be on the brink of tears.

Feeling Kid's eyes on her, Rachel looked down and moved inside the house past the man. She began pacing up and down the foyer, wringing her hands nervously. Kid and the other men watched her convulsive behavior perplexed. Rachel seemed oblivious of everything around her; she hadn't even noticed the other men, her friends in the room.

Unable to keep quiet any longer Kid grabbed her by the arm, stopping her anxious pacing. Feeling his touch Rachel stared at him and Kid asked straightaway, "Where's Lou, Rachel?" She briefly looked at him with a hurtful expression and immediately she lowered her eyes to the floor.

"She … she …," the woman tried to say but her voice got drowned by sobs. The room was quiet and her cries resounded in the stillness of the morning.

Her attitude was making Kid very nervous and tense, and he insisted, "Rachel?"

Hearing her name being called Rachel dried her already messed-up face with her hand and slowly lifting her gaze towards Kid, she stared at the man silently for a few minutes before she said with a broken voice, "Kid, Lou's dead."

* * *

**Note: I'll post the rest of the story together because it would be very cruel of me to leave it here. :) Just one thing: Like Kid said once, 'It ain't what it looks like' **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

His breath got caught at her words and Kid felt his legs wobble and the bile reach his throat. He remained rooted on the spot, unable to think clearly. Had Rachel said what he had thought he heard? He couldn't believe it. Lou was… Kid couldn't even say the word and watched the woman expectantly, but she burst into sobs once again.

"What are you saying, Rachel?" Kid finally managed to ask with a tense voice. As the woman did not answer, Kid's nervous mood got the best of him and he grabbed Rachel by her arms and began shaking her violently. "What the hell are you saying, Rachel?"

Kid repeated the question at the top of his voice. Rachel looked up at him, unable to articulate a single word. Realizing that Kid was getting too riled up Teaspoon and Jimmy hurried to disengage the dejected woman from their friend's strong hold. "For goodness' sake, son, will you calm down?" the marshal scolded not too strongly as he was also having a hard time dealing with Rachel's news.

"How can I calm down after what she's said?" Kid exclaimed, his eyes almost popping out at the desperation he was feeling.

Teaspoon did not answer, but instead, putting his arm over Rachel's shaking shoulders he steered her towards the small lounge and away from Kid's reach. Rachel was still sobbing and murmuring unintelligible words as she let herself be dragged along. Kid and the others followed them and watched with drawn faces as Teaspoon made the woman sit on a couch, and he placed himself next to her.

"Rachel!" Kid urged her from his standing position opposite her. The woman looked up and stared at him with a bitter expression.

She had finally managed to get a grip of herself and taking a deep breath she whispered, "Lou… Lou's dead. She … she died last night."

Rachel had not finished uttering these words when Kid stomped towards her and pointing his finger at her angrily he spat, "That's a lie!"

"Kid!" was all Rachel said, hurt at his words even though she could understand his reaction and pain.

"She's making that up!" Kid continued in the same angered tone, addressing the others vehemently. "You know that Lou can't be dead. And her," he pointed out at Rachel scornfully; "she tried to drive me away from Lou's life, telling me a bunch of lies." He spoke angrily, knowing that he needed to feel his anger right now because he couldn't let himself feel anything else. He had to refuse what Rachel was saying, his head couldn't accept it, even though in the back of his mind he knew she was speaking the truth. Admitting that would mean to accept that his worst fear had come true. "You know it can't be true," Kid repeated, sounding very feeble in his arguments.

Teaspoon and the other men remained in silence as Kid gave vent to his fury. Even though his anger was directed at Rachel, they knew that it was just a way to deal with the shattering news. What the woman was saying was just impossible to believe, something that couldn't be accepted. Could they really admit that Louise McCloud was gone forever?

Hating to be the one to break the silence in the room Cody knew that it wasn't healthy for Kid to deny the bleak reality. It would only lead to more hurt eventually. He wouldn't mind if Kid's fury turned against him, but he just knew that he had to talk. "Well, Kid," Cody began with a serious expression, "actually, we don't know anything. That's been the point all along."

Kid glared at his friend, but all of a sudden the reality of what was happening stumbled on him dramatically. He dropped on a chair heavily as if his soul was weighing heavily on him and he buried his face in his hands. His breathing was coming in ragging puffs, and he felt a terrible pressure on his chest that almost hurt physically. "Oh God," he let out like a yelp, and all those in the room witnessed as the truth entered Kid's confused mind and the pain gave way.

Rachel stood up and approached him. Stopping just in front of him she placed a hand on his stooped shoulders and squeezed them encouragingly. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled with a shaky voice, "I'm so terribly sorry, Kid."

Kid looked up at her with eyes full of pain and asked, "Is she really gone?"

Rachel just nodded ruefully and began fumbling inside her skirt pocket, finally producing a white envelope. Looking at Kid intently she said, "She wrote you a letter."

Kid stared at the envelope held in Rachel's hand in silence. He kept still for a few minutes just gazing at the paper, and after a while he carefully took the letter with shaky hands. Apprehension filled him completely, and he turned the letter around several times before actually ripping open the envelope. As though he had butter fingers, Kid unfolded the paper ever so slowly and carefully, and his heart almost stopped as he recognized Lou's handwriting. Now he was blind and deaf to everything around him. He never noticed Rachel moving away or Teaspoon and the others talking in hushed tones. All his attention was focused on the paper before his eyes as he read Lou's words to him.

_My sweet Kid,_

_How could I begin telling you what is now in my heart? This is the hardest thing I've had to do in my whole life, and I can't even find the words. The pen in my hand is shaking and I haven't even started._

_When you read this letter, I'll be gone and, unfortunately, I won't be able to look in those blue eyes of yours one more time. But I'm going, feeling really grateful for having shared all those special days and weeks with you. I hadn't been so happy in a long time till I found you._

_That night you found me under the rain, that horrible day that had broken my whole self. That very day my doctor, the same man Ruth saw me with, confirmed what I had been suspecting for a long time: I barely had a few months to live. I was a condemned woman to leave this earth and nobody could do anything. I felt as if I were in the middle of a nightmare, as though I wasn't me or this wasn't my life. In a haze I left the doctor's surgery, feeling the need to be on my own; I couldn't even stand Rachel's presence any more. I had to escape, to be alone in my own nightmare. I walked and walked for hours, and never even realized that it had started to pour with rain and I was soaked to the skin. It was then when your voice sounded in the fog invading my mind. You appeared as a ray of hope in the darkest night of my soul._

_I will never understand why of all the days and nights we had to find each other in that precise moment. I was so angry with myself, God, the whole world, everything. Seems our timing's always wrong no matter what. You know I tried to push you away from me in any way I could, but you were hard to beat, almost impossible. It just didn't seem right to me to give you any kind of hopes, and I couldn't tell you what was wrong with me. I just couldn't let you see me fade away to nothing, and you gave me more life than I have had in years. When my life was finishing, and there was no future for me, you just gave me a hopeless dream. I could only dream because living wasn't possible any more._

_Please forgive me for being the cause of your misfortune and misery, and for leaving you like that. Sometimes when I look out of the window, I see couples strolling around without a worry in mind, it brings sweet memories of innocent times with you to my lonely existence, and it makes me want you here with me. But as much as I desire it, I can't allow that. I don't want you to see the woman I've become. I need you to remember me as I have always been, stubborn, lively, brave … brave. Funny, I'm not as brave as everybody thinks and Louise McCloud is actually afraid of something: pain. That's the reason why I left. I thought that under the hospital care I wouldn't feel anything, but the pain is still here, in my heart and I know that there are no medicines for that, only you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but staying and facing you would have been harder. There's not a single day that I don't think about you, and those memories of you make my days in the hospital a bit brighter. _

_Please forgive me for all the hurt I'm causing you. Know that I love you and wherever I go, I'll take you with me in my heart. My life wouldn't have been the same without you, and I'm really grateful to have been granted the opportunity to be part of yours. I pray for you every day and hope that you have a good life. Please let somebody know how special you are. Don't mope about me too much and know I will always be looking over you from wherever I am. Love you for all the eternity._

_Always yours,_

_Louise_

Kid finished reading the letter and never had he felt so empty before. He wanted to be angry at her for not letting him be by her side in those moments. But he couldn't. He seemed unable to feel anything. He couldn't even shed a tear, feeling as if all this wasn't actually happening, that it was a morbid dream, a cruel joke. The intensity of the pain coursing all over him was so strong that it had left him completely numb. He lifted his gaze from the letter and watched his friends gathered around Rachel. Jimmy had sunk down on the floor against a wall; his forehead leaned on his hands, clearly on the brink of breaking down. Cody was dejectedly sitting on the couch; he had never looked so serious. Buck's look was lost at some point ahead of him, and Teaspoon sat next to Rachel, holding her hand, with a drawn expression that made him look years older in a matter of minutes. The room was silent but for Rachel's soft voice.

"She pushed everybody away; she just didn't want anybody near, not even her brother and sister. Never understood her reasoning." Noticing some movement on the other side of the room, Rachel turned her attention to Kid, who was watching them intently. She rose to her feet and went to him, followed by Teaspoon. "Kid," she began, but couldn't find anything to say.

"Why didn't you tell me, Rachel?" Kid talked in a detached and cold tone, not meeting the woman's gaze. "I asked you, and you lied to me."

"Kid, I know how you're feeling," she said, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

Kid jumped to his feet at her touch, and yanked free of her hold roughly. He knew that he was being unfair to Rachel, but he couldn't help it. He needed to burst in some direction and it seemed Rachel was the easiest target for his anger and pain.

"You know nothing," he barked.

"Son, I know you're hurting, we all are," Teaspoon tried to calm him down, "but we are here for you, Kid."

"I don't give a damn," Kid spat angrily and turning to Rachel once more he asked in the same tone, "this is the reunion you and Lou promised? Well, I don't want it. I don't want any of you; I just want Lou here safe with me. That's all I've ever wanted."

His last words came out in a sob, all the pain he was feeling finally crumbled down all his defences. Rachel and the men remained in silence watching as their friend released all the tension and hurt that was eating him. After a while, sighing deeply Kid managed to get a grip of himself and muttered, "I'm sorry." He didn't try to meet anybody's gaze as he added, "Excuse me, but I need to be alone."

Before anybody could say anything, Kid ran out of the house as if the devil was after him. He dashed towards the stables and instead of heading for Katy's stall as he always did in moments of distress, he began saddling Letty. It was the horse that Lou had ridden that day here on the ranch, and now he needed to feel her somehow, to feel that she wasn't gone completely. She had loved the horse as soon as her eyes had fallen on it, and Kid had enjoyed the image of her riding like the wind on the beautiful mare. It had been the one and only time they had ridden together since they had found each other, and now Kid painfully realised that they wouldn't have any more opportunities.

He didn't know how, but he noticed that he was riding on the horse at full speed. He didn't have any recollections of taking the horse out of the stable or getting on it. The only thing he knew was that he was riding like a bat out of hell with a thousand thoughts running wild in his mind. He still couldn't believe in his heart that Lou was gone. It shouldn't be like that. Life hadn't allowed them to fulfil their dreams, and everything had turned into a black nightmare. She was so vibrant and full of life that Kid couldn't come to terms with the fact that she didn't exist anymore. It wasn't fair. They should have had the opportunity to enjoy each other, to have a family, to fight endlessly and to resign to a quiet and boring life as anybody. Only after many years they would be broken apart and Kid had always thought that he would be the first one to leave. But no. For some strange whim of fate Lou had been torn from his side, and he felt like yelling in frustration.

All that time they had shared kept replaying in his mind. Kid had been so happy, and he knew that she had shared the feeling; she had said so in her letter. Now everything that had puzzled him during all that time finally made sense. He understood why she had looked so thin and pale. Why hadn't he seen the truth before? She had looked so beautiful to his eyes, but now he could see that there was something unnatural in her looks. It wasn't that she didn't get enough sun as she had excused her extreme paleness for. It had been something much more serious that had taken her life, and Kid felt he had been too stupid to see.

Her lies were clear to him now. Since the first moment she had lied to him in order to push him away or just to cover anything that could have shown him something of the truth. She hadn't wanted him to know, and the thought pained Kid terribly. It really hurt him to think that she had to bear her last days on her own. Yeah, she had Rachel, but he should have been there till the last moment however hard it would have been. Kid chided himself for being so naïve and not noticing the truth before. He remembered those times when she had gotten so agitated and nervous, leaving in a hurry all of a sudden. He should have known that something was wrong with her. She had looked hurt, troubled and her already pale face had been drained of all color completely.

Why hadn't he seen all that then? He had been so elated to have her back that he had been blind to everything. Not only blind, he had also been deaf and dumb. In a way she had told him what was happening. He remembered her words _'It's too late for us, Kid' _and her confession in that magical night they had shared. Thinking about that day Kid realised that with those words she had told him good-bye; it had been her way to close the last chapter of their love. He had been a fool, and hadn't realised what was so clear before him. She had said good-bye and he hadn't been able to tell her anything. She had left him without knowing how much she meant in his life, how lost he had been without her all those years. She would never know how she had been set in his soul to stay forever since that day he had found she was a girl.

Now it was too late for anything. She was gone forever and the thought sent a stabbing pain to his chest. "Oh Lou!" he cried. "Why?"

Now his eyes fell on the landscape before him as his horse galloped aimless. It was the little grove where he and Lou had been picnicking that day that seemed so long ago. He could even see the very spot where they had shared those moments together. He had been so innocent to think that nothing could come between them, that she would always be in his life from that moment on. But now she was gone forever, she was dead. The word drained all breath from him, and he fell off his horse, landing on his knees like a lump.

"Oh Lou!" he cried out loud, burying his head on the hard ground. It was raining heavily like the day he had found her, but Kid didn't notice the water drops falling all over his dejected body. His pain muffled everything around, all he was aware of was that a part of his heart had been torn and taken. The rain kept falling over him as the sobs racked his body and the pain blinded him leaving him drained under the heavy rain.

* * *

The following days passed in a blur. Kid felt as if he was in a haze, and he hardly had any recollections of what had happened in all those days. He barely remembered Teaspoon and Jimmy finding him lying under the rain and without any strength to even breathe. He had wanted to disappear completely and forget that Lou was gone. He had prayed for his life to finish then and there, but he was still alive while Lou's life had been unfairly taken.

Since that day he had become a living shadow, unable to stand anybody's presence or to feel anything. His head was in a haze and little of what people told him registered in his foggy mind. Now he was sitting on his usual seat for the last few days, feeling secure in the darkness of the small studio while from that position he watched the people gathered in his lounge. All of them had come for Lou's funeral, and now Kid guessed rather than knew they had come for the wake. He didn't fancy to be surrounded by people; he just needed to be left alone.

From where he sat he could see Theresa and her brother. Kid knew that the young woman was taking it too hard. She had been furious at Lou for a long time, and after she had learnt the real reason of her sister's absence, nothing seemed to calm her. Kid felt a tug of guilt, realizing that he had promised her to bring Louise home safe to her. Again he had failed as it was the rule lately. He should go and talk to Theresa, but he couldn't face her. He didn't have any comforting words to offer. He felt unable to help himself carry on, how could he offer consolation to anybody when he didn't understand this senseless situation? _"Let somebody else do the job,"_ he thought ruefully.

Emma and Sam had also come when they heard the news. The woman had tried to talk to him, but her words had been meaningless to his ears. He didn't even remember actually hearing any of them. Nothing was clear to his foggy mind any more. He seemed to see, but he didn't see anything; he could hear but nothing reached his ears. He felt unable to feel or sense anything any longer.

Everybody was here at his ranch as he had naively dreamed that day he had planned to propose to Lou. They should be celebrating a wedding, an occasion to be cheerful and happy. But instead, his house had turned into a cold receptacle where only hushed tones resounded. It was just incredible how everything could change so drastically, how all dreams could be shattered in an instant.

Kid felt rather than saw somebody sitting on the chair next to him. He didn't need to turn his head to know who it was. He just knew it was Jimmy. His friend had left him be for most of the time during the few last days, but Kid was sure that he would be coming bugging him sooner or later, and he hadn't been wrong.

"What do you want, Jimmy?" he asked without even turning to him.

Hickock cleared his throat and spoke tentatively, "I thought you could use the company."

Kid did not say anything and kept looking ahead of him, watching the people in his lounge as if it were some illusion, like one of those pantomimes he had seen when he was a child. It enraged him to watch people talking, moving, life carrying on as if nothing had happened while Lou lay in the cold ground. It wasn't just fair.

The two men stayed in companionable silence. Jimmy didn't want to disturb Kid in his pain; he was grieving himself for Lou, but he couldn't begin to imagine what Kid was going through. He knew that it wasn't healthy for his friend to close himself off like that, and he couldn't force him to talk. Kid would come around when the time was right. He would surely talk when he needed a friend, and Jimmy would be there for him. However, he tried another approach. "Who are those men over there?" he asked as they could see two very elegant men talking to each other.

Kid did not answer straightaway, and for a moment Jimmy thought either he hadn't heard him or he just wouldn't be bothered to talk. Surprisingly, after a few moments, Kid's voice sounded in the dark room. "They're Lou's doctors. The tall one was her doctor here in the city, and the other is the director from the hospital, somebody called Stanley." Kid sighed, barely remembering when Rachel had introduced him to the men. He stayed in silence for a moment and then he turned his eyes to his friend for the first time. "Why didn't I notice, Jimmy?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

Jimmy was caught off guard by Kid's question. "What are you talking about?"

"Why didn't I notice that she was sick?" Kid repeated. "All the signs were clearly before me, and still I didn't see anything." The same question had continuously been in his mind all those days, and it haunted him. Not only had she looked thinner and paler, but also Kid had seen those bruises all over her forearm. Now he had learned that in order to ease her strong pains she had been administered some kind of drug directly into her blood, apparently some new treatment; hence he had found those marks on her arm.

"I can't say, Kid," Jimmy answered, "Sometimes we just don't want to see out of fear. You were just happy to be back with her, and I can't blame you."

Kid sighed heavily and added, "I guess I deserved that all along, but not her, it wasn't fair for her."

Jimmy looked at his friend as if he were out of his mind. "What are you babbling about now?"

Kid shifted in his chair uncomfortably and finally said in a husky voice, "This feels like some kind of … punishment. I left her for years to fight in a war not worth fighting for, I killed innocent men with families, I became a beast. I was never proud of it but I did it. And now Lou, the best part of my life, is taken from me."

"Kid, stop thinking crazy," Jimmy exclaimed, "You can't blame yourself for this! It happened because that's the way life is!"

"We had so little time together," Kid continued, "We should have got married, but I left her behind and we got lost for years afterwards. I shouldn't …"

Jimmy couldn't stand Kid's senseless remarks any longer. "Kid, could you stop that! She could have married you when you proposed. So it's as much your fault as it is hers."

Kid shook his head vigorously and insisted on the same, "No, I was wrong. I tried to rush her into something she wasn't ready for. But then I …"

Jimmy lifted his hands exasperated and added sarcastically, cutting his friend off, "All right, all right, I give up. It's all your fault that Lou got sick and we lost her. So I guess it would be all right if I kill you now?"

For the first time in days Kid forced himself to smile faintly, but then his face turned serious once more and he said, "It's funny. I always fretted over her, thinking that I could do something to keep her safe. But when she really needed me, I couldn't do anything." Jimmy didn't say anything and sighing heavily, Kid asked, "Jimmy, how am I going to live knowing that Lou's not in the world any more?"

Jimmy locked his gaze with his friend and said the only thing he sincerely could, "I don't know, Kid, I just don't know."

* * *

**_Historical note: In 1853, Charles Pravaz, a French doctor, developed the first practical metal syringe, and in 1855, Dr Alexander Wood of Edinburgh was the first physician to use a hypodermic syringe to inject narcotics into a patient. I don't know if its use had spread in the context and timeframe of the story, but if you read the next and final chapter, you will see that historical accuracy is not vital here._**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

It was in the afternoon, and Kid didn't know how long he had been on the spot. Lately he really seemed unable to get the feeling of time going by. Every day was the same for him, and there was nothing to look forward to tomorrow. He really couldn't tell how long Lou had been gone; it seemed like ages but also it seemed like yesterday he had been talking to her. The only comfort he got every day was coming to her grave. Kid was glad that in a way she was here with him on his ranch. He usually spent hours here at the end of the day, and he felt as if he could sense her. He usually stood in silence, feeling the wind and listening to the birds. Lou would sure love the place; it was somehow like her, wild, fresh and beautiful.

Suddenly, he heard steps behind him and turning around he saw Rachel coming towards him. It wasn't a rare occurrence to see the woman as she came here often. Kid smiled faintly as Rachel placed a small posy of wild flowers next to the mark. She came next to him and rubbing his back affectionately, he asked, "I know it's a dumb question, but how are you, Kid?"

Kid shrugged his shoulders and letting out a deep sigh, he said, "I don't know. Bad, I guess."

Rachel looked ahead as if fighting with her own demons and finally she said, "You know, when my first husband died, I felt so alone. In the daylight, I could find something to busy myself with. But when the sun went down, I got so cold. I turned to something that could have meant my ruin if I hadn't stopped in time." She paused for a brief moment. "Kid, don't let your pain follow any road where you can get yourself lost."

Kid stared at her, feeling guilty for the way he had tried Rachel. He knew that he didn't need to say anything for her to know that he was sorry for his past behavior towards her. "Thanks, Rachel. But as a matter of fact, it's the night that I look forward to every day," he said, and turning his gaze down to the cross marking Lou's resting place, he talked with his eyes fixed on the spot, "it's at night when I dream of her, and I never want to wake up."

"But now it's time to wake up," Kid heard her say.

"What?" he said, surprised by her words and as he turned his gaze towards her, the image meeting his eyes slapped him hard on the face.

"It's time to wake up now," she repeated, but the image and voice weren't Rachel's, but startlingly he was seeing Lou and hearing her voice.

Realizing that his eyes were playing tricks on him, he closed them tightly. When he opened them again, something didn't feel right. The blue sky that had been hovering above all day long had disappeared, and Kid found himself surrounded by darkness. There was only a faint light but Kid couldn't make out where it came from. He turned his head to the right and through the window facing him he could see the heavy rain trickling down the glass panes and claps of lightning lighting the dark sky.

Again a voice called, making him almost jump off his skin. "It's time to wake up, Kid."

He jumped into a sitting position and only then he realized that he was in a bed. And then he saw her. Were his eyes tricking him? He stared at her as if he were seeing a ghost. She came towards him and leaning on the foot of the bed she said, "Kid?"

He kept staring at her with big eyes and unsure of his own voice he asked fearfully, fearing that everything would vanish if he spoke up, "Lou, is it you?"

She let out a peal of laughter and said, "Of course it's me, well, unless you have another wife hidden in the wardrobe or under the mattress, I'm the only one here."

She lit a lamp on the dressing table and among grumbles she began picking up his clothes that were scattered around the room. "Buck will be here any minute now, you know what he's like, so you'd better hurry up," she began without stopping her tidying-up. "I know you told Miah that he could go with you today to that horse auction. But honestly, Kid, I'd rather he stayed home with this foul weather. I'm not looking forward to nursing any colds." While she kept babbling about, Kid stared at her in silence. Noticing his strange expression, Louise turned to him and asked, "Kid, what's wrong?"

He looked at her intently and kept in silence for a few minutes before uttering her name in a whisper, "Lou."

She stood before him, her arms full with his clothes, and smiled tenderly. "You ok?" she asked again and at his hesitant nod she added, "You've been turning and tossing all night long. Have you had another one of those dreams in which your world turns inside out because you, one man, decided to stay with your family instead of fighting this war?" Lou asked not very pleased. She knew where her husband's thoughts sometimes turned to, and it made her afraid that he would change his mind.

"No," Kid muttered, his gaze never leaving her. "This … this was different." She turned her back to him and opened a drawer to place the garments still in his arms inside it. She stopped as Kid spoke behind her. "You… you were dead. I lost you, and I never felt more alone. It was so real, Lou, so real."

She turned around slowly and walking the few steps separating them, she sat down on the bed across from him and took his hand in hers. She rubbed his calloused palm with her thumb, and Kid could feel the warmth of her hand in his. "Kid, I'm fine, we're fine," she began, "I know you're worried with the baby due any day now." She paused and he looked down to see her swollen belly where their baby grew. Kid reached to touch her middle and smiled happily. Feeling his warm hand Louise beamed pleased and added, "I tell you, no wonder you're having nightmares with all that palaver from Cody last night. I'm glad to have him here after being wounded and I'm really happy for him if he's smitten with that nurse he met in the hospital he stayed in. But I honestly can't stand all his detailed babbling about the newest treatments in medicine. I wonder if the baby also had nightmares last night."

Kid laughed and felt more relaxed for the first time, but he still kept staring at her, fearful that she would disappear into thin air in any minute. Lou smiled at him, and added, "I love you, my worrywart." She leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. Lou pulled away suddenly and brushing her hand against his cheek she exclaimed, "Oh Kid, you're trembling! I'll make you some tea."

Louise was on her feet in no time but before she had time to turn and leave, Kid grabbed her by the wrist and said, "Don't go. Please, Lou, let me hold you." She smiled at his loving words and let herself be drawn into his arms. Kid held her as if it was the first time, and after a moment he whispered in her ear, "Lou, if this is a dream, I don't wanna wake up."

Lou smiled and reveling in the warmth of his arms she said, "Neither do I, Kid, neither do I."

**The End**

* * *

**Thanks to those who have read this story and left a comment. You know, you can choose where you would like the story to finish, in chapter 13 with Lou dead, or in this chapter in which everything has been a dream. The story is full of references to dreams and nightmares, and there are clues here and there that merge Kid's dream and his reality at home. Thanks a lot again!**


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